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  1. #1
    Expansive... Other Mummy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    180 Times in 130 Posts

    Parents not on board with potty training

    I have a 2.8 yr old dcb in my care since last September. He has been doing great with the potty for the last 4 months. He will hold his pee until our scheduled potty breaks and sometimes will go on his own. I rarely change a diaper. I've been trying to get his parents on board with potty training at home. Dcd is all for it, unfortunately his wife is a pretty dominant personality and I get the feel what she says go's under their roof. This is the same dcm that throws her husband under the bus to avoid looking bad.

    I've seen her try to micro manage little things and always set her straight when it concerns my policies, etc. She rarely drops off and picks up unless she needs to "address" a concern or something. When she does she often says things like ..."Oh dcb goes potty for you here, he never really does at home...he'll just go in his pull up and never asks" and I told her and dcd that he is more than ready, he just needs a schedule and to be put on the potty at home and reassurance and a lot of work on her and her husband's part for a few weeks (if that).

    3 weeks ago I asked dcd if he could bring underwear to daycare as his son is clearly ready. As for pooping, he will often go and hide and I guide him to the potty and he finishes there. It's rare that he poops here though. Maybe once a week. Dcd was all excited and said he will "ask his wife". SMH! Seriously?

    Underwear was never brought. Last week dcb was sick and missed all of last week. This Monday he came and is resisting using the potty at all. He whines and says he will do it in his diaper (pull up, which is a diaper anyway). I changed his diaper 4 times yesterday. He won't even go during scheduled potty breaks. When I seat him on the toilet, he pouts . So sad as he was doing so well and regressed sooo much in the week he was home with mommy.

    At pick up yesterday I asked the dcd about his pottying at home last week. His response "He wasn't feeling well, so I guess that's why dcm didn't try". Today he brought me a full package of pull ups for dcb. I guess that pretty much sums it up. These people clearly have no interest in getting their child to the next step. So why should I bother?

    Today he was fighting the potty again. I will not push the issue. That is bad in itself.

    When dcd comes to pick up today I thought I'd have a conversation with him about how all the other children (2) that were starting to potty with his son and completely done now. How they have wearing underwear for weeks and that I'm okay with the occasional accident, that is how they learn. However, I will discontinue attempting to put his son on the potty if they are not onboard with it at home as well. And that his son has probably missed his window.

    I'm not getting into a power struggle with dcb (or dcm for that fact) over the potty. For all it matters, he could go in diapers for the next 2 years. This coupled with several other things, really irks me about these clients.

    How would any of you handle this conversation with dcd tonite at pick up? Would you even bother?

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    1,085 Times in 810 Posts
    I wouldn't tell the parents about the other children as I think it's unfair to compare children. If the parents and dcp are not on the same page about potty training than sadly, it's the child that loses out.

    I would explain this to the dcd and tell him that they either need to get on board or you will stop potty training at dc all together as it's unfair to the child to have two sets of rules regarding potty time as it is confusing and really getting the child nowhere. When they are ready to potty train they can let you know and you will start it at dc again.

    That is what I would do.

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  4. #3
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    20 Times in 11 Posts
    Ditto 5LM. That's really sad for the kid. I wouldn't push it, but I'd still give him an opportunity to use your potty as much as he wants to. Good for you for trying to be a positive influence on him.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    99 Times in 82 Posts
    It's sad that they let this opportunity slide by...

    I agree with 5LM, I wouldn't mention the other kids successes in comparison, but I think it would be ok to slip it in casually - like "reminding" the other kids at pick up to tell you if they have to go, or praising them to their parents when dcb is picked up.

    I think you've fine your part. I'm in a similar spot with a dcb (almost 4!!!). His parents have never committed even though they've deceived me into intense training twice, while they sloughed it off at home. I recently gave up. Through in the towel (through their protests, hilariously) when dcb started peeling on his clothing during potty time instead of on the potty. It was clearly a behavioural issue.

    I'd tell dcd that you won't fight with dcb over the potty. If he isn't willing to go on his own, it won't happen. I told my dc parents the same thing. If the child is showing me they don't want to go, they don't go. There's only so much praise and rewarding you can do, at some point the parents need to take responsibility or it isn't going to work.

    Personally though, if dcb is willing to go, I'd let him get back into routine (regardless of what the parents are doing) - I'd rather deal with it in the potty than in the diaper, personally. And I'd hate to be the one to hold him back.

    With enough positive modelling, he might get back into it eventually.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    267 Times in 182 Posts
    Definitely no comparing to other kids. Also, I find that kids that age who go through an illness often do regress, even through parents/caregivers best efforts. He is two, he is still young and there shouldn't be so much pressure and hurry to get him potty trained, although it does sounds like he was doing really well with you. I would lay off the potty training for now until DCB comes around again and then when he feels like going potty again pick up where you left off and continue with the great progress you've made. Don't let their laziness get to you! It's too bad these parents aren't appreciating you and their sons efforts. Too bad there isn't a cure for stupidity!

  7. #6
    Outgoing 33 Daiseys's Avatar
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    Aug 2014
    90 Times in 67 Posts
    |I'm sorry say what????????? You have a 13 year old healthy child who still uses a diaper? I'm speechless. How can you be o.k with that?

  8. #7
    Join Date
    May 2012
    52 Times in 44 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by 33 Daiseys View Post
    |I'm sorry say what????????? You have a 13 year old healthy child who still uses a diaper? I'm speechless. How can you be o.k with that?
    Did we miss something?

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    180 Times in 135 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by 33 Daiseys View Post
    |I'm sorry say what????????? You have a 13 year old healthy child who still uses a diaper? I'm speechless. How can you be o.k with that?
    Don't feed the internet troll. Based on the few comments she's made on the forums, I am quite sure that's what this is.

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  11. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    208 Times in 173 Posts
    I thinks it's frustrating when a child is so ready but you would be fighting a losing battle there ! I think I would continue with potty training if you want to , but I wouldn't expect support from them !

  12. #10
    nice article, thanks for share this info

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