How would you handle this?

[bright sparks]

I question whether parents are parenting their child when a child is not responsive to my directions and discipline on a continuous basis. I really struggle with this aspect of the business. Not necessarily this situation, but just in general.

I can't do my job if parents haven't done theirs.

I also struggle with this. It literally makes me want to bang my head against a wall sometime. DRIVES.ME.CRAZY.

We put so much time and effort into these children for parents to undo all our hardwork by not doing their job of parenting by disciplining and teaching their children. I have a dcb who is super naughty for his mum. I cared for his older sister before she went to kindergarten this past September and on the rare occasion mum picks her up from b&a care at school prior to collecting dcb, there is always some kind of physical fight at pick up. I discipline the boy while he is in my house as those are my rules but I have to fight with every ounce of energy not to overstep the boundary with her daughter. I want to give her a good bollocking and telling off when she just outright punches her brother in the face. I had her for over 3 years and she was a saint, very well behaved, and mum doesn't discipline either of them. This morning dcb comes with a bandage on his forehead after splitting his head open yesterday climbing and jumping off the sofa and I clearly confronted the issue with her that he will continue to do this unless there are some negative consequences for this bad behaviour because she went on to say that at breakfast he is jumping up and down on his chair. Jeez lady, discipline them for goodness sake, its in their best interest to teach them and as a result they will be better behaved and give you a break!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have no problem agreeing to disagree You asked wwyd and that is what I would do. We all have different personalities, priorities etc so of course all of our dc's will be ran differently. If disruptive napping is a deal breaker for you than that is fine. Fortunately, I have always had pretty good to excellent nappers so naptime isn't a problem for me. If I had a child who made naptime hell than I'm sure my view would change!

I also just introduced two girls to cots, ages 2 and 2.5. I did the same as you and talked about how they were big girls now and got to sleep in big girl beds. I told them that there was no getting off the cot and no talking to each other. They have done excellent! The 2.5 yo was a mover in her playpen but I have noticed that has decreased with the cot. I have a video baby monitor and walkie talkies in the room. If I see any of the kids being disruptive I talk to them via walkie talkie and they instantly settle down. I think not knowing where my voice is coming from is a huge factor in this!! LOL

I totally understand the frustrations that come with parents not doing their job. I recently had a 4 yo that had parents who were smart on paper and knew all the right things to say and do but NEVER carried through. We had totally different parenting techniques and I would be frustrated everyday with them and their daughter. It was something mickyc told me that helped.....think of it as divorced parents. What they do at home is something I can not change so all I need to concentrate on is my rules here at dc and deal with her behaviour here. I took a different view on the situation and approached things a bit differently than I had been and honestly, her behaviour did change. Still not the greatest but it definitely improved. I think it's always best if the dcp and parents are on the same page but it's not always the case and in this case I just had to let it go and not worry about how her parents dealt with her behaviour and just do what I thought was fair here.

[bright sparks]

I started my hdc with the understanding that I wouldn't have set breaks.

I think with a consistant schedule and routine that it is easy to have a set time for breaks everyday. Yes there will be times when a new starter is on a different schedule initially but I immediately transition them into my schedule so all the kids sleep at the same time. I don't force kids to nap, but it is quiet time so they still go in a playpen and must be quiet, sleeping or not. There will also be these types of occasions when a child becomes disruptive but that usually doesn't last and I am trained in the art of ignoring the crying. We all know the difference between a cry of "needing" vs attention seeking so if it is ever different of course I will see to the child, and I also still do my periodic sneaky checks throughout naptime for safety.

I am a stickler for routine, I always have been with my kids too. I am the adult here and will not allow a child to dictate what happens throughout my 10 hour day with them, because mom and dad let them rule the roost at home.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Just to clarify....obviously I think we all deserve a break. I just mean that some days our breaks will be longer than other days. Children aren't robots, they have off days and some days those affect our breaks. I also get breaks here and there during free play so it makes up for having a shorter naptime break sometimes.

I used to work in places that didn't give us coffee breaks but only 30 mins for lunch so I take any break or downtime in hdc as a bonus.

[bright sparks]

I have a video baby monitor and walkie talkies in the room. If I see any of the kids being disruptive I talk to them via walkie talkie and they instantly settle down. I think not knowing where my voice is coming from is a huge factor in this!! LOL

I love the walkie talkie idea....totally up my street I don't have baby monitors, never have and never will, even after last weeks poopy disaster haha

[5 Little Monkeys]

It was pretty hilarious watching them the first few times I had to speak to them. Now I only have to talk to them maybe once a week if that but it's still funny watching them look around to see where I am haha.

Just curious, why no monitors? Especially after the poopy disaster!! haha

[mickyc]

Thanks 5LM! LOL

Yes my take on things is while kids are in my care it is my rules. I don't care what the parents do at home. There are lots of things I shake my head about. I have kids who turn into complete lunatics when their parents show up. All that matters is that they behave with me during my time. I am strict with my kids from day 1. I do not let things slide and they know not to push their limits. I cannot control what goes on at their home so I don't bother trying. I have step children so I have learned this many years ago that there is no point, you can only control what happens in your house.

Be firm with the girl. If she is going to scream then make it unpleasant for her. Put her by herself, ignore it, enforce some sort of punishment for the behaviour afterwards. Find out what matters most to her and use that as your leverage. If you have exhausted all options then feel free to terminate. Just my 2 cents! LOL

[nschildcare]

Thanks everyone. I do appreciate everyone's input.

I think writing it out has helped clear it up for me. I do believe this 'extra' behaviour at naptimes is connected with the other defiance flare up. I was thinking of them as two separate issues but now, in reading back through this, I think that it is part and parcel with the new children starting.

I will give it a few weeks and see how it goes. Let her scream it out and actively ignore

[bright sparks]

It was pretty hilarious watching them the first few times I had to speak to them. Now I only have to talk to them maybe once a week if that but it's still funny watching them look around to see where I am haha.

Just curious, why no monitors? Especially after the poopy disaster!! haha

I never had baby monitors for my kids and I lived in a big Victorian house when they were babies and if they needed me, I would still always hear them. I don't want to be watching a monitor like a clock. If they wake up, move around, talk or play it is really not something I need to keep a close eye on in my opinion. If they are ill they will cry out and I will run up to them immediately. The pooping incident aside from my daughters event at 12 months old is the only daycare pooping incident I've ever encountered in the nearly 9 years so its an exception and not one that warrants spending dosh on video monitors. The little boy was silent so unless I was actively staring at the monitor then I wouldn't have noticed what he was doing, and they still wouldn't have helped. I don't want to spoil my breaks with being preoccupied with watching the monitor all the time. I check them all within the first 20-30 minutes to check they are settled and tuck them in if necessary, but after that I just check hourly and it is as quick and sneaky as cracking the door and peaking in. Kids manage all night long while we are asleep without us watching over them like a hawk. Just makes a lot of people over anxious about them...which is kind of ironic after my other post about being anxious about my own kids lol but that's a totally different scenario. I appreciate that these are not our children so we have to be extra cautious but after so many years without, I just don't think they would be overall that helpful for me. I know some mothers who have them and they are so neurotic and jump at every movement and end up being more disruptive to their child. So what, your child looks super uncomfortable sleeping in that position. Leave them alone to correct themselves independently and learn from their mistakes otherwise they will rely on you for everything as they grow up with a lack of abilities to sooth themselves.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Totally makes sense BS. My fiance is like that, he will ask "what was that" over every little noise they make. He is pretty anal though and takes things very seriously and worries about the kids hurting themselves here.

I use the monitor as another tool to help keep things safe but I definitely don't check it often. Once they are asleep I turn the volume down so I don't hear them turning and such. I will be totally honest, the biggest reason I wanted the monitor was because I'm lazy!!! LOL I didn't want to keep going down to check. I have a few kids who would make all this noise (banging their feet on the playpen) and it worried my fiance just in case it wasn't the feet on playpen. I'd be going down 3-4x a nap to reassure him that all was fine! I got a great deal on it down in the States ($90!) so it was our compromise! Now he knows that I was right as he can see it's just their feet LOL. I used to stay down in the dc all day but as the kids got older I started going upstairs more during nap time so it's worked out well. I totally get what you mean though!!