How would you handle this?

[nschildcare]

So I have a family that has been here for 1.5 years. Dcg is 2.5.

Dcg has (in the past three weeks) become increasingly disruptive at naptime. Won't settle or lay quietly. When I remove her from nap room (to be separate from others) she shrieks. Non stop. This doesn't happen every day, maybe once a week.

Dcg is increasingly defiant and talks back to me. This I can handle.

I chatted with mom (after much written communication about my expectations) and told her that if the disruptive naptimes continue, she will be called to pick up this child.

Fine. Moving forward.

Mom lets me know that dcg won't be here on Monday, ill. Shows up Tuesday looking awful. I checked for temp, hovering just under 100. 30 minutes later she still has not engaged in any play or communication. Check temp. Down 2 degrees. Then 5 minutes later, diarrhea. Call for pick up. Let mom know she can return on Thursday as long as all symptoms are gone for 24 hours.

Mom emails me later that day to ask for a copy of my illness policy for work. Fine. Send her copy.

Background on behaviour: I added 2 new kids and her behaviour escalated after that so I think (hope) it will quieten down with time. Naptime disruption IS a deal breaker for me.

I have no proof that mom doped and dropped, yet it would seem that way. This is the second time I *think* this has happened. And mom had to know this kid was sick. My kids even commented that she didn't look good.

My sickness policy is: well kid care. Must be able to participate. No meds AT ALL. 24 hour symptom free before return. No stomach issues. Dope and drop is immediate termination.

Wwyd?

For naps:
-I am calling if she does not calm (from shrieking) within 10 minutes. Mom will need to pick up immediately. How many times (or pick ups) do I tolerate before letting mom know that her child has outgrown my program (and required rest period).

I would like to do a number of things wrt bringing sick child:
-tell mom that due to knowingly bringing her child sick and suspected medicating, that she is termed OR
-tell mom that I will no longer tolerate her sneakiness and next time she is gone

There just seems to be a whole bunch of issues at once. As background, dcg is here 55 hours/week, whether mom works or not. I mention this because any kid who has had behaviour issues has been here lengthy hours, spending minimal time with parents. (just my experience) I'm not as concerned about her defiance, as I am confident in my dealing with them and hope that she'll phase out of this soon. I am most concerned about naptime disruptions.

I am pissed about trying to pawn off a sick kid onto me. Honestly, I have my own kids, I spend countless hours a week with your kids, I think I know when she is sick.

[mickyc]

As far as a child coming to daycare sick I think all you can really do is give it a short amount of time and then send her home once you see issues. It is so hard to say if parents really are being sneaky or are really that disconnected from their child (or don't really care). If you call her enough times she will get the hint that it is just more convenient to stay home to begin with.

As for the napping - yes that is a big thing for me too! Try a different punishment for the child. For myself I will give a child a different snack in the afternoon for bad behaviour. So while the rest are enjoying cookies and milk that child gets vegies or a rice cake. I think that by calling mom you are telling her you cannot deal with her child's behaviour.

[bright sparks]

I wouldn't ask a parent to pick up because a child is being disruptive at naptime. I would separate them from the start and if they wake screaming or crying, I would check that there was nothing wrong and then leave them to cry it out. I understand it is disruptive, but it is part of our job in my opinion to deal with the ups and downs in the children's development and some of those will simply be caused by a phase of defiance. How does it help the child get over this if they are picked up? You are almost certainly going to make the mother find another provider as she would lose her job if she was called out on a regular basis for this. I am not downplaying the importance of naptime for the other children and for you, not at all, but this should simply be a case of a couple of weeks of being separate and out of the way of the other group and hopefully you too and if they cry for the entire time, then so be it. I believe as a result this behaviour will stop.

I'm glad to read in your post that you aren't questioning your methods or ability to manage the behaviour when the child is up. That was so good to read because even the most confident of daycare provider can second guess themselves sometimes.

As for the masking illness, this is something I have in my contract also as grounds for immediate termination forfeiting their deposit too. It is extremely hard to prove even though as you described it is so obvious and clear when it has been done. I have termed once for this but the parents had given me loads of additional issues to so there were no repercussion but you only need that one family to take action against you afterward and you are screwed because although it seems obvious what happened, you have absolutely zero proof that it did occur.

[Crayola kiddies]

By calling the parent to pick up when the child is disruptive is not a punishment for the child ..... It's exactly what they want ... To go home ..... This will not get better but it will make the mom find a new care provider

[5 Little Monkeys]

I would deal with the child's behaviour as I see fit. She's getting older and will be testing her boundaries, which is to be expected.

I would not call for a child to be picked up unless their behaviour is so completely out of control that I cannot keep the other kids safe. I understand the frustrations that occur when naptime is disrupted but I believe it comes with the job. I started my hdc with the understanding that I wouldn't have set breaks. I also think parents would question my ability to care for children if I was calling for children to be picked up. I separate the child that is being disruptive and when they are back to being a "good" napper they are re-introduced to the nap room. This has been anywhere from a week to a couple of months.

I have never suspected "doping and dropping" so I'm not sure what I would do. I have a pretty thorough and strict sick policy so I would likely just remind them of this and if at any time of the day I thought the child needed to go home I would call for pick up.

Decide what and how you want to deal with this and than stick to it. Good luck!

[nschildcare]

Here is my nap situation in greater detail. I would love for some input on how to deal with this.

Dcg is 2.5. I have tried moving my group together and out of pack n plays at three different points in time since September. She is always the one who gets everyone going and has a hard time settling. Needs at least an extra 30 minutes to relax and fall asleep. The issue with keeping her separate is that she is a big girl, and in the pack and play will run around in it, kick her legs up and down. Generally make as much noise as possible.

I usually ignore (one warning, then ignore) as the more I go in, the more she feeds off of this.

I recently got cots (2 months ago). We really talked up having naps in the 'big kid' bed, staying quiet, etc and that if she wasn't able to lie quietly would have to go upstairs again. Some days are good, some are not. When I have to move her upstairs, she will either cry and then fall asleep right away or else scream, run and kick and make as much noise as possible. If I ignore, she will get louder. I told her mom that she would have to pick her up after she shrieked for 45 minutes straight.

I don't care if she doesn't sleep. But she does need rest. She is not a kid who does well without sleep. The issue is that she won't be quiet. And when I try to enforce it, her behaviour worsens. I understand that mom may find another provider. If I can't find something that works for this kid, I won't care as I will probably term her by the time that point comes.

This is a (usually) sweet kid who is shuffled around by the parents to different sitters. She spends all week here (every.single.day) while mom and dad are either working or off having a day together, and then spends most weekends with a grandparent. This kid is starving for consistency. She is not getting any consistent routine on the weekend and I've seen her at the grocery store at 10 in the evening on a weeknight. Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday she is very defiant. Come Thursday and Friday she has calmed down. Then the weekend comes and we start all over again.

Parents think she has outgrown the need for a nap. They do not enforce a rest period. "She didn't want to stay in bed." "We turned the tv on for her and thought she would fall asleep." If she doesn't nap, she will be falling over herself by mid afternoon. When she does nap, she sleeps for almost 3 hours and I often have to wake her up.

I am really at a loss of what else to do.

However, I am hoping that it is the introduction of new children that is throwing her off her game. She is def. my alpha two y.o. Her not being able to be in the same room is not new but her shrieking at me def. is.

As for the whole sick thing.... grrr!

[nschildcare]

I started my hdc with the understanding that I wouldn't have set breaks.

I think we will have to agree to disagree about breaks

[nschildcare]

I also think parents would question my ability to care for children if I was calling for children to be picked up.

I question whether parents are parenting their child when a child is not responsive to my directions and discipline on a continuous basis. I really struggle with this aspect of the business. Not necessarily this situation, but just in general.

I can't do my job if parents haven't done theirs.

[Judy Trickett]

I think we will have to agree to disagree about breaks

Yeah, I am with you, nschildcare. It is unreasonable for any provider to not think they deserve a break during the day. No one can go, years and years in any job working 9 or 10 hour straight without a break.

But, as much as the naptime thing would make me want to terminate I have to say that I think by calling for a pick-up the kid sees it as getting rewarded. I mean, hell, she screams and then gets to go home! Maybe we should try that...we scream and all the kids get picked up and we can end our day at 2pm! ;

I think I would just let her scream. Yep, it WILL wake the other kids and over the course of one week it will be pure hell, but I would let her scream and show her it.....will....not.. ..work. and that she is NOT going home if she doesn't settle to nap. And if I tried that for two weeks and she STILL was a problem then, yep, I would terminate in a heartbeat.

Sorry this is happening because it royally SUCKS to not get your naptime break. I feel for you. We have a nine hour day and we are "on" for so much of it. We deserve an hour or so to tidy up, eat our own lunch and just BREATHE for a few minutes. So it would REALLY bother me to not get a naptime break and I couldn't handle that for very long. so, yeah, I feel for you!

I think that any worker deserves a break - heck, that's why there are employment laws dictating breaks! But I think that when it comes to caring for kids it is even MORE important that the provider be able to regroup and rest and be her BEST. There is a lot more at stake here than a lot of other jobs.

[Judy Trickett]

I question whether parents are parenting their child when a child is not responsive to my directions and discipline on a continuous basis. I really struggle with this aspect of the business. Not necessarily this situation, but just in general.

I can't do my job if parents haven't done theirs.

Also agree here! In my experience the least behaved kids in care are also the kids whose parents do not have any behaviour expectations for them. The worst behaved kids typically have parents who coddle them to death and never discipline them. And it's because that kid does not have the understanding of boundaries of behaviour because they have not been taught that.