Big rant!

[bright sparks]

No need to apologize here, sometimes life just sucks! It can feel like everything happens at once, and quite often it bloody well does so leave the dishes, take a deep breath or several and come up with a plan.

I will give you my perspective on Issues 2, 7 & 8 at the end.

Issue 1. 1st trimester sucks for most women. Do whatever you have to to survive without putting any pressure on yourself to be perfect. Simplify your daycare program to more self directed free play and pick up the pace when you are physically and mentally more energized. another 6-8 weeks and I bet you will feel much different. How about making some freezer meals to reduce your workload during and after daycare hours for mealtime?? It will be a busy few days while you put them together but then it will make day to day life that little bit easier. There are so many websites out there with tons of ideas I don't even need to link to them. Checkout pinterest too.

Issue 3. Your last statement was that you feel so incompetent. Your son may very well sense this feeling of self doubt and negativity and be feeding off it. Try to keep your chin up and have a strong and confident way about yourself even though that may be difficult with everything going on right now. Your 2 year old I bet is a lovely fella normally, but he is two and most likely is manipulating you and knows how to press your buttons if he is laughing at you. Treat him like any other child at daycare and separate him. If he can't behave himself and doesn't respond to time outs then highchair his little butt and tell him that he is not allowed to play with the other children if he continues to hit them. He wont like watching the rest of the group having fun from the highchair so hopefully this will be more successful in time. I would also regularly throughout playtime remind him to keep his hands off the other children, read some books which address this issue, and talk to him about more appropriate ways to deal with children who are bugging him. Rather than dealing with the aftermath, try and teach him some tools for alternative ways of dealing with situations by repeating things to him regularly throughout the day even if there are no issues. That's how it will stick.

Issue 4. You say recently potty trained...prior to this period of daily accidents how long were they potty trained successfully? I wonder if something has gone on at home to have this occur. Usually a period of regression can be explained when a change or disruption occurs. Speak to parents about this and see if it happens at home. I can't imagine plastic pants being that easy to do clean up either but if that helps then go for it. If its just a matter of this child only being trained for a few weeks then it may help. That being said, number 1 this is a boy so notoriously lazy, and number 2 if he is special needs then this will be a tough fight in which case he likely needs to be in pull ups, which goes against what I typically do, but this wouldn't be a typical case of toilet training. Try a reward scheme that may help coax him to the toilet more. I wouldn't be so quick to label this child with any specific special need. In my experience children can share many traits but clustered differently, can mean completely different things. I know it means more work for you, but it is important that you document your observations for this child. At 3 years old it will be much easier to identify any issues versus a 2 year old. Could be any number of things which we are not qualified to comment on to a parent but if things continue to get worse with toilet training and behaviour, then it will be essential to have this info documented to pass to the parents if you have to request a doctors visit.

Issue 5. DCK with emotional issues....Is this a recent thing? How long has it been going on for? How long have you cared for her? Again home life may be behind this so chat with the parents about how she acts at home and how she goes about completing different tasks and following direction INDEPENDENTLY, or if they tend to aid and help her carry things out. I have a little boy who sometimes drives me nuts, crying if I ask him to come here, or sit at the table or even ask him what he is doing etc. When his mum is here he is a little rascal and she responds to everything with laughter or aren't you a cutie. She totally babys him and they play 1 on 1 with him at home far to much I think, playing with him rather than teaching him to play. She has told me as much, and has slipped up by denying it at other times. They wouldn't sleep train him because it was so difficult for them so after weeks of listening to them complain I just told them outright that I had given them numerous strategies, but that this wasn't going to improve without some work on their part and that they needed to give him the opportunity to self sooth and gain a strong sense of independence. He has improved a lot here, but I have to ignore him a lot. Not because I don't care, but he had to learn that holding out for me to help him wasn't going to work. He needed to be forced to fend for himself so if he comes into the room in the morning and sits there crying, I just ask him to be quiet and stop crying and occasionally shush him. He now cries rarely although its still a major effort to get him to do anything independently as mum and dad are still so controlling. They send me videos all the time and its so evident. Maybe your situation is similar, or maybe it isn't :/

Issue 6 TAXES...damn you CRA...don't stress, there is no point and it isn't necessary. You can't change your bill by fretting and you have enough on your plate already. Call and make a payment arrangement, they are great to work with as long as you communicate properly with them.

Issue 9...Winter... It is nearly done, what else can I say. I hear ya.

And for the rest involving hubby....My husband works 60-70 a week Monday to Friday so I understand what its like being a single parent. We are also living in renovations. I have had bathroom stuff on my landing since October. Vanities, countertops, boxes and boxes of tiles, paint, light fittings, faucets, tool boxes, you name it and I literally want to punch my husband in the face some days for not getting it done. I have had to take a different approach in the last month or two as I can not resent or be bitter at my husband. He really does work his ass off for the family and I love him to death for it. I have to live with him, and spend the rest of my life with him so I need to not get immersed in that kind of thinking.

What you are both doing now is not working and rather than get upset with him and annoyed at each other with confrontations and arguments, you literally have to just say that to him. "We need to sit down and figure something else out because what we are doing right now just isn't working". I couldn't give a rats ass how many hours a week these husbands work at their jobs. I am extremely grateful that they work hard and provide for their families but I'm not going to make excuses for your absence in your role as a father and a husband. Work with what you've got. You need down time just like he does so figure something out so you get to look after yourself without children tagging along, and have him be a single parent for a portion of the weekend so you can focus on the importance of self care. I always reinforce to my kids how hard dad works and that we miss him because he is away a lot but that he does it for us. However he still makes dinner twice a week, cleans the kitchen for me on days that it isn't tidy when he arrives home, and runs errands when I ask. He is tired from long hours, but just because I'm not on the clock getting paid doesn't mean I'm not working equally as hard as a working single parent. You both need to get on the same page and find some middle ground which works for both of you. I understand the renovations being a stop and start mission but if he has time to socialize with friends then he needs to prioritize his family as number 1, at least more so while you are pregnant. Its not about cutting "ME" time out completely for him, but cutting back so you can start having some time for you outside of being everybody's caregiver. If you were suddenly put on bedrest or out of commission what the hell would happen? He would have to pick up your role aswell so he should be doing more to prevent this from happening. Much easier said than done for sure, but not impossible. Takes good communication, lots of effort and good planning.