I personally would remove any comments that is not about S' and her behavior. If dcm is defensive to begin with, I wouldn't mention anything to do with them, her being defensive, their parenting, boundaries. I would keep it very positive and straight to the point.

Mention it's important for you that you work together to come to an understanding on how to solve this together because you care for her a great deal. You would like to keep things consists at dcb and at home in order to see positive results.

I would also wait to mention that you think she would do better in a centre until you are ready to terminate. Keep positive and make them know that you're there to help her to make her and everyone else's time at dc a positive experience. I wouldn't re-visit the text message issue unless it's still a problem as you've already addressed it and if it's done, it's done.

I would definitely give them examples of her behavior, how it's affecting her, other dck and yourself. Ask them what they do at home, what they think is working. Ask them if anything is happening at home that you should know about that could be a reason she is acting out. Ask about her sleep pattern at home, naps and bedtime. Give them suggestions on how you like to adresse the issue and ask if they are willing to do the same at home.

I would let them know that you will re-visit the issue in a month to see if things have improved and go from there. If nothing is better, parents are not on board, I would consider terminating and advise where you see her thriving and doing well. There must be something going on.

But that's just IMO and how I would approach it with them.

Not sure if this helps but I've noticed that when my dck are having an off day, they sometimes need more love and affection (hugs, kisses, extra 1on1 time) as something is bothering them. They don’t know how to express themselves sometimes. Sometimes it helps and turns their mood around for the positive before it gets bad. I find some kids just don't feel loved and act out in anger out of desperation for attention. Just a thought.

I wish you luck! These things are never easy but can't be ignored. Keep us posted on how it goes and if things get better. You sound like you're trying really hard, she's lucky to have a provider that cares so much. Sending you positive vibes your way!