Weaning a two-and-a-half-year old is HARD :(

[mickyc]

Amanda - the issue is not with the breastfeeding although I do think that over two is too long (that is just my own personal opinion). I think we need to have similar standards for our own children as we have for our daycare children. How can we expect daycare children to be independent but then turn around and say it is ok for our own children to be completely dependant on us to sleep etc. When I started daycare my daughter was 8 months old. Shortly after she turned one we were working on weaning off the bottle/soother and getting her sleep trained. How can I tell parents that I expect the same if I don't do the same with my own child? We talk about children on formula at almost 2 and how they do not need it for nutrition. I feel the same about breastfeeding. The child should be eating well enough to not need breast milk by 2.5years old! Attachment parenting is all about the parent and their inability to want to let go. It only causes more issues for their children. Like I said just my opinion but as soon as a potential daycare parent says attachment parenting I don't even want to meet them!

[CrazyEight]

For heavens sakes, no one here is saying that AP is "evil!" I think this is simply the wrong forum to look to for advice on this matter. This forum is for childcare providers-people used to taking care of multiple young children at once. Most providers realize that having a child in care who has no idea how to self-soothe is a recipe for disaster. We cannot lie down with every individual child until they fall asleep, and we certainly can't breastfeed toddlers in our care before naptime! As the majority of providers with their own kids probably started their daycare when their kids were young, of their kids were born into it, AP is not something that would have worked for most of us, whether we wanted to or not. Therefore we are not going to have a lot of strategies for transitioning kids brought up this way. You would probably find more advice on a forum meant for Attachment Parents.

Personally, I think you are in for a long, hard battle. The older kids get, the more resistant they are to change, either because it frightens them, or simply because a lot of young kids are creatures of habit - they want what they want because it is familiar and comforting, not because they physically NEED it. A healthy child in the western world who has adequate food intake does not NEED to breastfeed. A child who is 2 1/2 and has never been taught to comfort or soothe herself is not going to take kindly to having the thing that she uses for comfort taken away. Absolute, no-wavering consistency is the only way she'll learn, and it will probably still be a long, difficult process for everyone. I don't have any more advice than that.

[Crayola kiddies]

I have 5 children .... I bf all of them ..... I wished I could have fed each of them a little longer but the longest was 3 months .....but I fed for nutrition and because it was cheaper .... Once you have more then one child its not convienience for sure because the minute I would get a baby latched on one (or more) of the other kids got into sonething or misbehaved in someway that needed my immediate attention .... So it was purely nutrition and trying to save a bit of money ... Same reason I cloth diapered my first two ..... When you are bf a child who eats regular food and drinks out of a cup .... Then its for comfort only..... In third world countries then yes it's for nutrition but not here. When a child eating regular food needs to bf in the night its for comfort because they dont know any different ..... But what happens us the attachment parenting stops working for the parent .... Such as the OP stated "I am so DONE with breast feeding " and "we are trying to get her to sleep in her own bed beside ours" this parent wants her body and her bed back ..... I don't blame her ..... But I always say "start how you want to finish" If the child had always slept in her own bed and if she had weaned her off of breast feeding at around 8 or 9 months when the child was able to drink from a cup .... This thread would not exist because she would not have these issues .... And like mickeyc ..... I would not even entertain having an AP child in my daycare

[Lee-Bee]

I find that many families mistake AP as never letting your child cry or whimper and having a child that completely relies on you for any and all comfort.

We are an AP family. My 13 month old hears "no" often, she gets mad when she hears it, she deals with it. She has a soother and a blanket that she relies on for comfort. We bedshared most of her first year BUT I made sure she was happy in her crib and I spent a great deal of time making sure she learned to self sooth. I didn't make her cry it out but found other ways to ensure she would self sooth.

She now sleeps in her crib 98% of the time, she goes down awake, she wakes and puts herself to sleep most of the time...the other times we go in and lie her back down with her blanket and soother.

She knows that she doesn't rule the world and doesn't rule our family. We just respond to her needs when we can.

I've met many AP families that can't allow their child to whimper or cry and they have a great deal of difficulty getting through the day because their child is calling the shots. They also felt that their child could never have a soother or a blanket or a stuffed animal to attach to and their children rely completely on them to go to and stay asleep. I don't feel that that is a positive form of AP. It sets their child and their family up for a lot of hardships later on.

I still breastfeed my 13month old. She is milk intolerant so we will continue this until age 2 when the pediatric dietician said she was ok to switch to soy milk. Right now it does meet her dietary needs. It also meets her comfort needs...which I am all for BUT I don't pull the boob out at every whimper and certainly won't pull it out later on when she demands it. Children at a very young age can learn what no means and it's just a matter of simply making it known that no, you can't have "boob" now.

I would NOT advise a cold turkey stopping. That will wreak havoc on your poor boobs! I would start enforcing no when it is not appropriate to nurse. Start weaning down the number of nursing sessions...based on the ones that you prefer gone first. It can still be done gentle but needs to be done firmly and consistently.

I do believe that when raising children we need to think ahead...are we setting our child and us up for issues later? I bedshared because I need it to survive and get more sleep and my child loved it. But, I bedshared in her room on a bed, next to the crib and she slept a good part of each day in the crib so she knew it as hers. in the long run this helped all of us.

AP gets a bad rap...but I find that that bad reputation is based on the mistaken belief that AP means ensuring the child is happy 100% of the time. And that, only sets them up for failure. It is much easier to teach and infant that life just plain sucks sometimes then to have them experience this for the first time when they are adults or teenagers and don't have a boob to run too for comfort.

But, what do I know for all I know we are not actually AP because we let our child cry when she doesn't get her way, say no, set boundaries and stick to them and yes I force her down when resisting a diaper change and I tackler her into her car seat when she wants nothing to do with it!

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Deleted deleted deleted deleted.

[bright sparks]

I care for an AP child, I posted a while ago about them and how the parents never told me upon paying their deposit and signing the contract. It was literally 2 weeks prior to starting that I found out. Now here is my opinion on AP.

I think AP is fine, I honestly do although its not for me I respect the choices people make on their parenting styles, I don't have to agree with it if it doesn't effect me. In my position it does effect me and through my experience with this child and family I have my own opinions now. This parent went online to look into alternatives to letting a child cry it out and came across AP which I don't think she had ever consciously decided to do but did out of ease for herself and when she came across a theory of parenting that reinforced that what she was doing was okay and acceptable, she decided that she would say she was attachment parenting. I think there is a huge difference between making a conscious choice to AP after research over an extended period of time, and those parents who for many reasons do not have it in them to put in the hard work of "training" a child to self sooth and be independent. I think some parents who say they AP, actually don't but the theory that is put before them excuses them from their choice not to grow a pair and deal with an overly dependent child...which seems ridiculous as obviously children, especially infants, are extrememly dependent so what I really mean is when a parents actions and choices prevent a childs healthy development of independence skills. Now I am human and have gone through my time with my youngest where he screamed continuously through the night from 12mths, absolutely fine prior to this, and no matter whether I fed him, snuggled, put him in the car for a drive, put in front of tv, just would not shut up! He came into bed with me which worked for a few weeks and then didn't, and then eventually we just strapped him in a 5 point harness stroller next to our bed with a dvd on repeat and somehow managed to rock him throughout the night to get some kind of rest. But I didn't give it a name to justify why he wasn't unable to self sooth, I simply accepted that this is a phase he is going through and I need to be able to go to work in the morning and be able to function. That's what worked for me and I couldn't care less what others thought. I don't believe a parent who simply co-sleeps is attachment parenting, there are a lot of other principles to this style which can benefit a child that are involved, but there are a lot of parents who bring their child into bed and breast feed at night to sooth them nothing else, who I believe use the label AP as a way to excuse and justify this practice. I have to deal with a child who is AP and his mother is trying hard to breast feed till he is 2 and he is 14mths now. I so desperately want to ask her why? There is absolutely no nutritional benefit to breastfeeding beyond the time that a child is eating a well balanced wholefood diet. You can get far better sources of nutrition through whole foods, even if the child has dairy issues.

@Lee-Bee soy milk is also insanely bad for people to consume let alone a child. There are numerous studies proving this and I couldn't honestly care less what the dietician said. They are bound by the government to promote the Canada food guide which is responsible for numerous health issues as a result and also its the same people who are okay telling you to consume foods that are heavily processed and full of "non food" products as preservatives. Best to actually do your own research and seek the advice of someone who isn't ethically conflicted such as a Registered Nutritionist...still regulated but a hell of a lot more knowledgeable, on so many levels.

@Crazy Eight, this is absolutely the place for someone to post about this subject, all be it in the wrong category. The OP was commenting on the difficulties of weaning off the breast while attachment parenting. Daycare providers both have experience weaning multiple children, and as this thread proves there are a number of providers who have also chosen to AP themselves. An AP specific forum wouldn't answer her questions objectively because it is a pro-AP place, so I think having numerous perspectives on this forum site is a great place to come to. People can post whatever they want on here, that's why there is a section called "this and that". I hope the OP didn't just delete all her posts because she felt unwelcome to post this here or felt attacked. We don't have to all agree with each other on here, but when someone comes on here for advice or to vent, there's nothing worse than being told to go elsewhere.

[Wonderwiper]

While I agree with most things you said Bright sparks....throwing your toys out of the crib just because everyone doesn't agree with you is silly. I think most people here share general beliefs on breast feeding. When you ask for advice on a public forum you will get all sorts of opinions. Take em or leave em.

My take on being advised to try another forum is that if you only want to hear what people with exactly the same beliefs as you have to say then you need to try a more specific forum.

[Wonderwiper]

Lee bee.....I think your parenting style sounds like what many people do (me included) Probably not considered serious AP.

[bright sparks]

While I agree with most things you said Bright sparks....throwing your toys out of the crib just because everyone doesn't agree with you is silly. I think most people here share general beliefs on breast feeding. When you ask for advice on a public forum you will get all sorts of opinions. Take em or leave em.

My take on being advised to try another forum is that if you only want to hear what people with exactly the same beliefs as you have to say then you need to try a more specific forum.

Silly maybe but a perfectly human response when possibly feeling like you are backed into a corner....people tend to have strong beliefs on AP and breastfeed, separately or together. I don't think she should have deleted her posts and wish I could refer back to her original post in response to you ww, but now I can't lol

I also don't think she is a seasoned provider and is new to the forum so explains why she may have run a mile at all us strong heads who have no problem giving or taking opposite opinions. I know that I have had to take a step back from hearing/reading opinions that go against mine in the past when I have asked for advice. it's a lesson to be learnt by many to take advice even in the harshest forms when we don't hear what we want to. I wouldn't have deleted my posts though. Time and reflection usually helps me to realize that what the other person was saying was actually true or gives me the reaffirmation that actually what I am doing is right. Written opinions are frequently misinterpreted too, especially on a forum full of strong and independent business women.

[Artsand crafts]

I also follow AP philosophy with my own, the only part I do not agree with is with the not letting them cio, unless they are newborns and cannot communicate their needs any other way. I opened my daycare 3 years before I had my son and I took about 7 months off mat leave after he was born. During that time I prepare him to self soothe when going to sleep. I follow a combination of what is recommended in ‘The No-Cry Sleep Solution’ by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears and I also let him cio. He never slept on a crib, by 4 months we moved his twin mattress that was right besides our bed to his own room and I watched him through a video monitor all night.

Even I follow some of AP style I prefer to take on families that follow this philosophy since many don't prepare them for daycare and I think that it's just cruel for their child and hard on the provider, others. There are also others that let their kids do whatever they want and do not set any boundaries and then call that AP, instead of lack of parenting skills.