Quote Originally Posted by Fun&care View Post
I would certainly not allow screaming, I don't allow it here ever. Of course crying and feeling sad are ok, usually I will separate them from the group when they are like that, but if they start to actually SCREAM, they start to suffer consequences. She is old enough to know better. I'm not sure I would have a "talk" with her either. I had one who was like this right around the same age and honestly over time I would let her pout in a corner when she first came in and then when she was ready she would join the rest of us. I tried the whole talking thing but it just didn't get us anywhere. But maybe it would work for you, can't hurt to try.
It's one thing to try and talk to the child afterward when the incident is over, versus giving them attention and trying to talk to them while they are worked up and giving them the attention they are likely seeking by behaving this way. I think it is more productive sometimes to ignore these kinds of behaviours, but at 3 1/2 she needs to find a more appropriate way of communicating and while ignoring may have her become bored at having no response, it also may not. This isn't a 2 year old who is just going through a phase and will just "get over it", she is older and I feel it is our job to teach them by communicating not be ignoring. I don't take any messing about in my daycare and have even been described as "Nanny McPhee" lol I'm actually really nice haha, but I don't break easily or back down. A child can throw a tantrum till the cows come home and I really couldn't care less. The thing with a child this age is that I would at least try to talk to them afterward. Even if it is an hour or two later, say before naptime when everyone else has gone down to sleep, just spending 10 minutes one on one colouring or something and then talking about how I react when I feel a certain way and seeing if this will provoke her to talk back about how she is feeling. Kind of like play therapy where the child draws and colours and is then able to feel happy, safe and calm and then opens up more. It may or may not work, but I wouldn't punish the child for having the inability to stop the screaming if I haven't done anything to proactively teach the child and I had simply ignored them. If someone ignored me when I was frustrated or upset, it would have made me act out even more because it just tells me that the other person does not care. I think trying a few things consistently for a while may show some improvements or I would just move the tent outside the room so it wasn't as loud and annoying for everyone else and that way she isn't getting any kind of attention in response to the negative behaviour. I would still try for a good amount of time day after day to talk. Even if she doesn't talk back, my initial goal would be to at least not have her throw a tantrum as a result. If that's all this is though, bad behaviour then in the future after trying different things it may very well result in needing some kind of consequences if she has had more than enough repetitive "lessons in alternatives" given.