Screaming/crying infant- How to make parents realise the problem is serious?

[mickyc]

If you see improvement then I would keep going (if you can stand it lol). It is all what you are comfortable with. My new boy that started in February cried a lot. He had spent a month completely with his mom and no one else when they moved here. It was a tough transition in my care. I do not hold children for long periods of time and they need to be able to occupy themselves as well. It was a lot of screaming but I worked through it and he is so much better. Although he was sick and home for a whole week and was back today and although he isn't crying all day anymore he has been crying off and on today. Just need to get back on our routine.

[martymonty]

I am dealing with a similar situation right now, the dcb has been here for two weeks and cries all the time unless I am bolding him. He barley naps, maybe 20-40 minutes all day ( he just turned one) and he MUST sleep in a for again. His mom said he has never been out down to nap or sleep on his own, but has always been rocked to sleep, so now he is fighting me every step of the way. I do not know if I want to continue this scenario every day, I now have other dcp asking me how long I am going to put up with this, and I don't want to lose them. I've get a good bunch of kids here, but this little one has thrown a curve ball into our days for sure. What is a "reasonable" amount of time to give a new dck...I have never had one do this for this long in my 28 years of providing daycare. I am exhausted and the other kids do not like it either

[Daycare123]

I am dealing with a similar situation right now, the dcb has been here for two weeks and cries all the time unless I am bolding him. He barley naps, maybe 20-40 minutes all day ( he just turned one) and he MUST sleep in a for again. His mom said he has never been out down to nap or sleep on his own, but has always been rocked to sleep, so now he is fighting me every step of the way. I do not know if I want to continue this scenario every day, I now have other dcp asking me how long I am going to put up with this, and I don't want to lose them. I've get a good bunch of kids here, but this little one has thrown a curve ball into our days for sure. What is a "reasonable" amount of time to give a new dck...I have never had one do this for this long in my 28 years of providing daycare. I am exhausted and the other kids do not like it either

I just went through this! I am so sorry that you are dealing with this

Has this dcb had time socializing with other children? Maybe request that his parents refrain from rocking him to sleep? How is he with the other children? Do his parents let him cry it out?
It sounds very similar to the contract I had to terminate I don't think a child should be crying all day long after 2 weeks. Has there been any improvements at all?

[Momof4]

Teddybeartots, I have an attachment parenting family in care. It took way over a year for this child to stop screaming daily because he's an expert at manipulating his Mom. The only reason they are still here is that the Dad agrees with me and he has reinforced my gentle nudges to the Mom to help her son become a better adjusted child.

He cannot manipulate me, must follow the rules and if he wants to scream then I remove him to another room. The other children are playing and having fun and they don't deserve to be subjected to his nonsense. Mind you, he never needs a tissue or produces any tears, it's all acting! I'll never go through this again, no way! I feel for you and hope that my little story helps you make your decision.

[Secondtimearound]

I didn't last long with my 11 month old dcb . He would cry until he hyperventilated ! Or threw up ! I tried but anything would turn the crying on !! I started by putting him in a playpen near where we were so we were not overwhelming him . A toy , an outside siren he would start to shake . He required me , to stand and rub his back ( which I do not practise ) and feed him his bottle . It was a nightmare ! I was cleaning throw up all the time . He would start to eat and then choke because he would start to bawl ! My nerves couldn't handle it , the only time he didn't cry was when I held him .
If I went to lay him down for diaper change , he would act very shaky and scream blue murder . I let parents know exactly how are day was and exactly what my concerns were , and after a month I was done !!
Good luck !!!

[martymonty]

Unfortunately the little guy has been off sick since Friday, he had a really bad reaction to his MMR needle, 104 fever, tremors, etc. Then he got hit by a bad cold, poor thing. His mom has been home with him since then and he is not back until Thursday for only one day. She told me they are no longer rocking him to sleep, they are just putting him in his crib inside his grobag (which I hope he can give up soon) and he's off to sleep so we'll see how that goes. He did not cry as much the last time he was here unless I went out of his sight, then he cried so hard I thought he was going to throw up. He definitely has anxiety issues if I am not around so will have to work on that. Haven't had this situation in forever, you forget how exhausting it can be

[bright sparks]

Unfortunately the little guy has been off sick since Friday, he had a really bad reaction to his MMR needle, 104 fever, tremors, etc. Then he got hit by a bad cold, poor thing. His mom has been home with him since then and he is not back until Thursday for only one day. She told me they are no longer rocking him to sleep, they are just putting him in his crib inside his grobag (which I hope he can give up soon) and he's off to sleep so we'll see how that goes. He did not cry as much the last time he was here unless I went out of his sight, then he cried so hard I thought he was going to throw up. He definitely has anxiety issues if I am not around so will have to work on that. Haven't had this situation in forever, you forget how exhausting it can be

Hopefully she doesn't revert back to rocking because he is sick. Unfortunately I find that after an extended period away due to illness, the parents have wrapped them up in cotton wool again. I am very tactile and give all of my guys lots of kisses and cuddles especially when they aren't feeling great but a lot of mothers go over the top when their child is ill to make THEMSELVES feel better and then there is a lot of hardwork for us when it comes to getting the little one back to normal.

[bright sparks]

Here's the thing, if these parents are not willing to modify the way they do things at home then I can't see this just miraculously improving within a few weeks, no matter what you do. I have an AP child and after two weeks of screaming, not a tear in sight, I gave the parents a 2 week probationary notice. If I didn't see any improvement then our contract would end on such a date. I didn't just give this to the parents though I had an extensive and in depth conversation after hours and without the child present. It really needed to be a two way conversation not just me telling them what they should and shouldn't do. Mum said she would let him cry it out, and she stopped co sleeping and within a 3 day weekend at home with mum and dad and these changes in place it made a big difference. I've had this guy for nearly 3 months and he is generally terrific. It's very obvious when the parents have been lax towards things and I have to remind them after a bad day and they ALWAYS apologize and admit they had a rough weekend.

If they aren't going to reinforce what you are trying to teach the child, then the chances of success are slim. I know some providers say the child learns the two different sets of rules and adapt, but AP children are generally the exception. My little AP child is only upset when he goes for a nap, lasts 5mins max normally except Mondays can be closer to 30, when he is dropped off he is clingy and screams and the rest of the time he is an absolute joy. Prior to speaking to his parents though he was constantly screaming, even if I picked him up or gave him my full attention, he simply wanted his mother.

[Polkaroo]

My newest dcb screams all day and her parents don't AP. She is not held all the time at home, sleeps perfectly on her own and I've visited her many times before care started and she wasn’t like this.

But now that's she's here with other kids, she cries for everything just like you describe in your post. Even if another dck walks by her. It's actually a problem for me now. It's starting to affect all the kids and I can't do all the fun stuff we did before. I'm full now and can't be attending to her very minute. She's only happy when she's in her playpen but I can't keep her there all day! I tried everything and nothing worked. She just doesn't like other kids. She's fine if it's just she and I but that's impossible and unfortunately my patience is running thin. She's the first one here in the morning and one of the lasts to leave. I'm on week 3 and not sure what to do/try anymore. So I feel you teddybeartots! I hope for you the crying stops before the others start because it's not easy.

I even tried all her 'favorites', song, animal, book, food, NOTHING worked. Like you mention, I had a talk with the parents and was very clear on how it's affecting everyone. Ok...Vent over! Lol any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated because I tried everything that was listed in this post (except for termination).They are amazing and I LOVE this family, i hope it doesn't come down to that. Hopefully I can find a way to settle her in.