Did I do the right thing?

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Hi everyone. I'd like to share an experience that I had/am having this morning, to see what you all would do.

I'm a newly licensed day care provider, but have been providing day care in my home privately for about two years now.

I have some spaces that have come open, and I interviewed one family from China. They don't speak much English and their daughter, a 22 month old, doesn't speak any English or understand any English at all. Well, I looked at her for one day last week and she basically cried the whole time. There was nothing I could do to comfort her -- she wouldn't let me hold her, wouldn't let me show her any toys to play with. All she did all day was cry her little heart out, and I mean bawl! She'd stop for maybe five minutes and then start up again. All. Day. Long.

I had an official "interview" with this family last night. They told me she has never been in child care before and has never even had any contact with other children, except for going to a play group once or twice (in her whole life).

Well, they dropped her off this morning. I'm supposed to look after her today and tomorrow and then they want to enroll her full-time in May. But I really feel like it is not going to work out -- like she is NOT at all ready for day care. This whole time she has been crying/screaming, the only time she doesn't is when I carry her, but I have four other kids to look after all under the age of four, so I can't obviously be doing that and getting meals and snacks and crafts and activities ready, or change the others' diapers, or help the others go potty. And sometimes she won't even let me hold her at all.

I tried calling Dad's cell phone (Mom doesn't have one), and no answer. I tried calling his work phone, and the secretary said he and his wife (they work at the same place) were both out of the office at training and she didn't know how to reach them. So I texted Dad and said: "Hi, Anna is very upset. She has not stopped crying since she was dropped off. She won't let me comfort her and she won't play with any toys. Someone will have to come pick her up. I'm sorry but I'm not able to look after the other children when Anna won't stop crying and won't be comforted."

I'm not sure if he'll see this message before the end of the day, but I can handle it, the kids will just have to put up with being around a screaming child all day, lol. But at the end of the day when they come I'm going to tell them that I won't be able to look after her anymore. I'm going to tell them that I think she's not ready for day care yet, and that she's just not happy here. I'm going to say that I wish I could help them out and give her child care, but I have to do what's right for the other kids and make sure everyone is happy.

What would the rest of you do? Of course I will only charge them for today. They paid me for today and tomorrow but I will reimburse them the money for tomorrow.

[Lee-Bee]

Oh the poor child. It would be hard for any 22month old to adjust to care if they have never been near children before...add the language barrier and that's just a really tough situation.

If you cannot care for your other children then there is nothing wrong with ending it now. There is a chance the child would adapt in the coming weeks BUT it would be a long haul for everyone involved.

Why did they start her full time for 3 days with the intent to pull her out for a few weeks? That is not going to help the situation. If I was set of transitioning this child I would take her for 1 hr a day for a few days, then 2 hrs then work up from there. It would allow her short spurts to get settled and used to other children, a new place and a new language.

She would likely best benefit fro a nanny that can help her learn the language, take her to daily play groups and get her ready for group care.

[momofnerds]

I've had to call a parent before too. Don't feel bad no matter what anyone says. I stuck it out for almost a year. I got this dcg when she was about 11 months old, and for about 6 months all she did was cry. No matter what I did all she did was cry. She wanted to be carried everywhere, but she was about to walk when she was one.

mom would say one thing, dad would say another. You never knew the truth. Then one day dad was telling me that a neighbour came over to see why the girl was crying so much because she just wouldn't stop. She wanted to be carried. Dad was so embarressed that him and his wife got into a fight and told her to stop carrying her around and catering her.

well, after the crying stopped, the dcg became aggressive. So at 18 months she started to strangle all the daycare kids here. The minute they would get on the floor (to play with cars) she would jump on them and try to choke them around their necks. She did this every time I turned around and she had this evil grin when she did it.

well I had enough, and they acually left. Turns out no one wants to watch her and gma is now watching her and she can't be around children.

[2cuteboys]

Yikes. Yeah is say that that's a few barriers too many for my liking. Poor little girl. They should really focus on socializing her with other children and adults, and try again in a few months.

Also that you weren't able to contact them at all? Please tell me they got back to you in a timely manner? What if she was sick? What if she'd been hurt? They'd have found out 6 hours after you'd taken her to the hospital? That's not acceptable to me.

[Lou]

Aw, poor thing. You have to do what works for you and your business. Personally, I like to give transitioners at least a couple weeks to see some improvement, but if it isn't working for you then that is 100% your call! As for watching her this week then not again until May, that wouldn't fly with me. It won't help anything and she will have an even more difficult time coming back and after being home for a few weeks. I would insist that she continues to come on a regular basis IF you plan on sticking it out. Good luck!!

[Momof4]

I had a little boy start here at age 1 and all he knew at home was French. He learned English here and I can't believe we survived. He screamed for 2 1/2 months. Not crying - screaming! It was horrible. These poor little children are left at a strange place with strange people and don't even know the language? Of course they freak out. Why don't parents think of these things.

Do whatever you have to do. Maybe this family can find a caregiver who speaks their language, that would be a better idea.

[kassiemom]

you have to do what works for you but I would have done a slow transition first with a couple visits with mom or dad and then start with being alone for an hour or two with you.
I had a little boy who cries for three weeks straight it was frustrating but now he's great and I am so glad we stuck it out.
Perhaps though if a slow transition doesn't work you could suggest a nanny like a PP said or a daycare centre. at a centre she would pick up on the language much quicker

[Lighthouse1]

I'm not sure if I'm repeating what someone else said, but the first thing that popped into my head was, suggesting they find a daycare where the caregiver speaks Chinese AND English that way Anna can be comforted in a language she understands and she'll be able to integrate easier that way. I would be freaked out too if I was surrounded with people I couldn't understand. Poor girl and poor you!!! I can see how that would be so stressful!! Good luck!!!

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Thanks everyone! I did suggest to parents that they might want to bring her here for an hour every day that I'm open and build up from there, to see if she will warm up. Haven't heard back yet!