Lunch drama

[Lighthouse1]

Hi All,

Okay, I need HELP!!! I am at my wits end!!! I have a DCG and recently she has started to fuss about her lunch - EVERY DAY. It doesn't matter what her lunch is, it always becomes a huge tantrum. My rule is, big lunch first, fruits and veggies and then they can have whatever junk their parents have sent (all my kids except for this one family send all healthy food, so this isn't an issue). I am not willing to budge on this rule because as we all know, if we alter a rule for one, it won't be long before the rest follow. Anyways, my insisting that this DCG and her brother eat their big lunches and healthy foods first is the only time they ever eat healthy food... their diet consists of high sugar high fat foods. For example, it's not unusual for them to have sugar and sprinkle coated donuts for breakfast. DCG has been drinking cans of pop since she was big enough to hold them (so about 1 year old). She is given EVERYTHING she wants WHEN she wants it, mom regularly rewards her bad behaviour so she is very controlling and whiny. I know that she just decides she wants to eat the junk in her lunch kit instead of the healthy stuff so she's refusing to eat, and she knows that as soon as she's picked up her mom will let her eat whatever she wants, and this little girl is just stubborn enough to wait the day out. What do you all think I should do? I've already spoken to mom about this several times, but mom insists it's easier for her to control her children with sugar than to actually parent them (I added that last part, but she does say the controlling with sugar part). Any advice would be appreciated, she is ruining everyone's lunch with her tantrums and stressing me out. I like being able to enjoy all my kids, but lately I am not enjoying her. thanks in advance!

[Artsand crafts]

I would choose between parents providing 100% of meals or provide everything myself, serve those foods and children to decide what and how much to eat.

In here, I provide my own meals and kids are not allowed to bring outside foods. I currently have 3 2yo and 2 almost 3 yo that are great eaters. I serve lots of fruits and veggies and only healthy food and they eat it all, because there are not other options.

Otherwise is a power struggle that you will never win. They are the only ones controlling what goes in.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I would either supply all food or send all parents a memo of foods you will allow and/or suggest that all 4 food groups are provided for lunch. I'd also let parents know your rule, healthy foods before junk.

[Polkaroo]

I agree, I would also tell them no junk food period! one. None whatsoever. Only healthy food. I prefer to serve my own food because I get to decide what they eat for this reason. That way I'm not telling parents what they should or shouldn't feed their kids.

I can't believe the parents (or any parents) would give these things to their little ones. I don't know why his surprises me, you should see the lunches kids bring to school! There is a boy in my dd class that brings cold McDonald's from the night before to school with chocolate bars. WTF! I just don't understand sometimes.

[AmandaKDT]

My parents provide all snacks and lunch. I have it right in my policy handbook that if any junk food is sent (with a list of things that might include) that I will not serve it. I have sent lunches back home plenty of times with food in it that was not served.

If it were me in your situation I wouldn't serve the junk at all, just send it back home every day.

[Lighthouse1]

Here's the thing, even if I did serve the food (which I wouldn't just because that's a whole different license etc) she still wouldn't eat it because it's what she does and she knows once the day is over she can have whatever she wants. Like today, right after p/u they went out for hot chocolates and donuts. They do it every Friday - as well as a few other times a week (when she DEMANDS IT), but Friday is the "official" day.

I have to pick my battles, these parents think sending alphagettis every day is healthy (because it's the whole wheat noodles.... ) They have started sending much more fruits and veggies and they spend SOOO long eating those that they (by they I mean DCG and brother) don't have time to eat the junk. My problem really is that lately she has been refusing to eat the main lunch, and I'm torn because I would like her to eat the fruits and veggies but that goes against my rule of big lunch first, or when she says she's "full" just letting her go hungry and when she complains tell her she can have her big lunch. I know she's trying to control me because I'm not like her parents or grandparents who give into her every whim... But I do know I need to choose a course of action and just stick to it come hell or high water... Thanks everyone for your advice! Keep it coming!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

What about doing a month with the the theme of healthy eating? Make posters, play games, puzzles books etc. maybe you could try a new healthy food at afternoon snack? Make it fun and exciting to eat healthy!

Do the parents eat healthy? Are they exposing their children to healthy foods? I do a monthly newsletter and would consider putting a new healthy recipe in each one, is that something you could do? What about buying some food magazines from second hand stores and getting the kids to go thru them and ripping out the pictures of food they like and showing their parents?

[Lighthouse1]

5 Little Monkeys, oh man, I've DONE all that!! These parents just don't care! They do what is easiest for them, it's like they have children to make THEM feel good and who cares about whats best for their kids It's the most heart breaking part of this job, knowing that these two kids are being set up for a lifetime of struggle in so many areas of their lives. I've tried all the usual "tricks", but really, without the parents being on the same page there's not much I can do, and I refuse to lower my standards to theirs. And the other bad part is that these two kids are actually wonderful little people, I adore them, they are so smart, they just need more discipline in their lives outside of daycare... sigh...

[Lee-Bee]

Sounds like it's time "oh you are very teary/whiny (whatever fits), sounds like you are too tired to eat. Time to go to bed." The put the child in a play pen/crib away from the others.

If they can't get through the meal following your rules without ruining it for the others then send them to bed. How old is the child? Where does she typically nap?

[Secondtimearound]

I hear you lighthouse 1 , I started my dayhome feeding dck as I fed my own dd ! I put healthy , nutritious meals before them , and they all had no clue !!! While interviewing I discussed whole healthy foods and dcp all were on board as they were only into the healthiest food as well !!! So imagine my surprise when fruit loops in a Baggie were brought as they were running late !!! Yikes !!!
I make ww pasta with real cheese and butter for "Mac & cheese" and had most of my dck crying !!!
I have one parent who sends snacks and we pick the healthiest ( I use the term lightly !!) and send home the rest .
In your situation , having to accept the lunches parents send ( if I'm understanding correctly ) I think I would just serve it ! I can imagine what some might say , but these aren't your kids and having talked to the parents as you've said , what are your options ?
I am caving I guess , I now serve boxed Mac and cheese , yuck but ran out of energy fighting a losing battle ! I always serve fresh veggies and fruit ! Water in cups ( no sippys ugh ) .
I don't understand how parents can shovel such garbage into their children .
I get it seems hypocritical !! I am just tired of wasting good food ! I've got my menu as healthy as my dcks will eat and need to be content with it !!!