Neighbours not watching their kids

[CrazyEight]

Anyone else have the problem of neighbours casually disappearing into their houses the moment they see "the daycare lady" outside supervising her own group?

We live at the end of a row of townhouses with individual front yards and open communal space. My husband and I are currently cleaning up our backyard, ripping out the garden, etc, so that the kids can play back there instead, but I took them out today, and as usual, within minutes, all the other parents simply disappeared. I don't mind if some of the neighbourhood kids want to come and play tag with my kids or something, but it is not my job to suddenly end up supervising 10 or 12 kids. Having their parents decide they don't need to watch their kids anymore is not ok with me. Not to mention the fact that if someone saw me, I could end up being reported. I'm the only adult in sight and there's almost a dozen children outside!

I hate to drag my group inside or restrict them to just our tiny front yard, but last summer this was a huge problem, and it's already starting to become one again. Last summer I wasn't full and my youngest 2 (one my own, 1 dck) weren't mobile, so were restricted to a blanket on the grass, so it was easier, now the little ones are all running in different directions, the older ones want to run and play tag and ride cars, and I can't keep an eye on extra kids. Today a neighbour girl fell off her bike (without a helmet), scrapped up both knees, and cut her hands, and her mother was "cleaning the house." The minute she saw me come out to my own yard with my kids, she announced very loudly that she was going in to clean and her kids (ages 4 and 6) were to stay within specific boundaries of the common space, and in she went.

I ended up packing up my kids early and saying very loudly that "we have to go in because I can't be responsible for the whole neighbourhood again," and I hope the 3 other sets of parents in their houses heard me. It's not safe and it's not fair.

Just another reason to get our backyard into shape so we can play back there exclusively. I'm pissed, and really want to write up some sort of quick note to put in everyone's mailboxes, but my husband's going to tell me that's crazy...lol

[Lee-Bee]

How much do you 'like' these neighbors? If you are not worried about pissing them off then maybe write up a letter. State that you as a home daycare provider cannot have more than 5 (or whatever) kids in your attendance. That since you are at risk of large fines if someone reports you outside alone with more than that many kids you will be required to report them leaving their children outside unattended so that should anyone report you it is on record they were not with you.

Not sure that will work but it might make them realize you are not there to watch their kids and that you are not taking on that responsibility. Can you loudly say "time to go inside kids" as soon as you see a parent heading in without their kids? Then if they stay out...you stay out, if they try to go in again then say it again. Maybe they will catch on? So sad that they are being this way!

I'm not sure who you would report to...or if it is even something you can report but maybe saying so will make them stop.

I think the only other options are to continue going in (which sucks) or to completely ignore the other kids even when injured. Do not engage with them, but I doubt these parents would catch on.

Hopefully the backyard is functional soon!

[daycaremom9]

So glad I don't have that problem! When I was doing drop -offs and pick-ups at the local school, the school kids would try to play with my dc kids and it was so stressful. Bad enough just keeping the dc kids together without having to worry about the other kids. I would try to stay in my van as long as possible or try to keep my group away in a corner somewhere until the bell rang.

[mattsmom]

I have that problem when we go to the neighbourhood park. There are 2 boys that I used to look after who's house backs on to the park. Well, as soon as mom sees that we are out there, she sends the boys out to play...and both she and her husband are nowhere to be found. Now, as soon as I see them come out of the yard, I tell the kids it's time to clean up and we go for a walk through the forest nearby, or we go to a different park.

Just because we are caregivers does not mean that we want to care for extra kids with lazy parents!

[nschildcare]

We used to live in townhouses and had that same problem. I didn't do daycare at the time, but as soon as I was out with my crew, all the other kids wanted to come out, too. Which would be fine except that their parents assumed that I wanted to watch their kids.

It takes a village and all that, I get it. But when 99% of the time I was the only parent out with the kids (who were all young and preschool), it gets old pretty quick. Especially when these kids would not listen and were little trouble makers. My solution was to actively ignore the parents giving 'instructions' and to only step in when someone either got hurt or was about to. Or take my kids elsewhere to play.

Or move, which is what we ended up doing. Not for that reason although I sure don't miss it.

Hope your backyard gets organized soon!

[dshtebazile]

I cant even find the words to describe how badly this would irritate me if I was in your position!

What happens when you leave the park/play area? Do the parents come back and get their children or do you walk them home or are they left out there unsupervised?

Forget worrying about someone reporting you I would be on the phone to CAS reporting these parents. Its one thing to be neighbourly and assist in supervising some children from time to time(when asked!!!) but for the parents to just take off and assume you will be responsible for them is ridiculous, selfish and totally dangerous!

[CrazyEight]

I've been trying to simply ignore the extra kids, to try and prove the point to the parents that I'm not there to actively supervise their kids, but it's hard when the kids fall and hurt themselves, or are about to, or aren't sharing MY toys that they've helped themselves to without asking. In my opinion, kids under 10 shouldn't be outside unsupervised if they're not in a fenced-in yard. My neighbours, unfortunately, don't seem to agree.

On top of that, I have a 5yr old dcb with a severe nut and peanut allergy. It makes me nervous enough just being outside with him, in an environment that I can't control, but what if little neighbourhood Suzy comes up eating a sandwich or something, and her parents are no where to be found to ask if there's nuts in it? I don't really trust a 4-year-old to tell me correctly what she's eating.

A minute after we went in, I watched out the kitchen window, and sure enough, mothers reappeared and made their kids come in. It seems like because I take care of other people's children, no one thinks I will mind taking care of a few more outside, without even being asked or anything.

The more I think about it, the more worried I get about someone reporting me if/when this happens again. I have three kids under 6 of my own, plus 4 dckids atm (only 2 were here today though) and another interview tomorrow. I could potentially be out with 8 kids under 6 this summer, and if it looks like I have even more than that, hell, I'd probably at least consider reporting someone who looked like that!

[AmandaKDT]

If it were me I would be knocking on that parent's door as soon as they left their kids unattended and let them know what kind of situation they were putting me in. That it is a problem because you can only legally supervise so many kids and that it is putting me in a difficult situation, that I could get in trouble. It of course isn't your responsibity to watch their kids at all, but perhaps it will make them realize that what they are doing isn't okay.

[2cuteboys]

I've never had to deal with this, but I can imagine how frustrating it would be!

A friend if mine (didn't do daycare) ended up being the lady who watched everyone's kids in her neighborhood. The neighbor boy would come knock on her kids windows, making it hard for her to say no when she didn't want an extra kid around.

One day she saw her neighbors driving away, thought nothing of it as a set of grandparents lived with them too, until she tried to send neighbor boy home a half hour later and he came back because no one was there. She called his mom and apparently everyone in the house has gone for a "quick trip to ikea"!!! Unbelievable!

[nschildcare]

I've never had to deal with this, but I can imagine how frustrating it would be!

A friend if mine (didn't do daycare) ended up being the lady who watched everyone's kids in her neighborhood. The neighbor boy would come knock on her kids windows, making it hard for her to say no when she didn't want an extra kid around.

One day she saw her neighbors driving away, thought nothing of it as a set of grandparents lived with them too, until she tried to send neighbor boy home a half hour later and he came back because no one was there. She called his mom and apparently everyone in the house has gone for a "quick trip to ikea"!!! Unbelievable!

This happened to me, as well. Sent the little guy home for lunch (he was 5) and he came back a few minutes later. I opened the door to tell him that my son would be out after lunch and didn't he eat? He replied that no one was home and he didn't know where they were. Turns out mom was at work and dad had taken off to the coffee shop. Nice!