Some parents who don't want to be around their kids

[AmandaKDT]

Was I wrong to open my mouth...

My very good friend came for a visit with her two young kids this morning. We were talking about getting the girl friends together for a visit and she said she finds it hard when we try to plan kid-free get togethers because she only gets 2 days a week to spend with her husband and kids, and doesn't want to go do anything for even a few hours away from them when she is off work. She has said this before and I held my tongue, but today I couldn't help and I told her that her situation is no different than any of the rest of us that balance working full time and having a family. Anyone that is working full time only gets the weekend to really spend time with their family.

I didn't say this part to my friend: should that mean that you never do anything other than work and be a mom?

It just makes me feel like she thinks they're in some kind of special situation, where in reality every single one of us has a couple kids and a husband too. I enjoy the time that I get to spend with my friends that doesn't involve having to constantly be interrupted by requests for food and to resolve an argument about a toy - or to do something that isn't oriented towards the kids. I think it is a recharge to get to just be my own person for awhile, even if it is just an hour here and there. I know my own situation is different since I am doing home daycare, but my sister and my other friends all have kids and work and are happy to get together without the kids once and awhile.

[cfred]

Just leave her out of it then Amanda. It's her choice whether or not she can part from her family for a couple of hours. I don't get it, personally, because, since my divorce 14 yrs ago especially, I've been aggressively honing my selfishness. I felt so guilty for years about doing anything for myself that didn't include my children. Yep, those days are long gone now! In fact, I'm researching flights now for my next trip...woo hoo!!!! Then there'll be one with my boys after that (2 weeks camping in Puerto Rico)...they've already been to Turks and Caicos, Florida, England, Wales and Spain. I do include them from time to time

I don't think it's strange for you or any parent to find time to do things just as adults. When I booked our last Mothers' Dinner (night out with my clients) at a new gastro pub in town, those women couldn't get there fast enough! They were absolutely thrilled to have a night out with just us ladies....no men, no kids. It was lovely

[AmandaKDT]

Just leave her out of it then Amanda. It's her choice whether or not she can part from her family for a couple of hours. I don't get it, personally, because, since my divorce 14 yrs ago especially, I've been aggressively honing my selfishness. I felt so guilty for years about doing anything for myself that didn't include my children. Yep, those days are long gone now! In fact, I'm researching flights now for my next trip...woo hoo!!!! Then there'll be one with my boys after that (2 weeks camping in Puerto Rico)...they've already been to Turks and Caicos, Florida, England, Wales and Spain. I do include them from time to time

I don't think it's strange for you or any parent to find time to do things just as adults. When I booked our last Mothers' Dinner (night out with my clients) at a new gastro pub in town, those women couldn't get there fast enough! They were absolutely thrilled to have a night out with just us ladies....no men, no kids. It was lovely

All those trips sound fun! I am hoping to get to do some travelling with and without my girls in the next few years. My husband and I were supposed to go to Cuba last November to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary but had to cancel because my younger daughter was in hospital (swallowed a piece from a board game and it got lodged in her throat - most awful experience ever!!!), but we are hoping to get to go some time in the near future.

[Lou]

When I was a child, my greatest memories were of those family members who where with me. How is a parent suppose to make positive childhood memories if they not around their child? Oh well, us daycare providers shouldn't even care since we are not paid to care about their futures. Back when I was growing up, I even had my grandparents spend time with me and these days a child is lucky if their dad sticks around. The type of parents who see their child as draining should find a 24 hour daycare and then they will never have to be around their kids! They can do all the 'recharging' they need to do and not have to be bothered! I guess quality time just isn't valued anymore these days, oh well, my kids are not deprived of quality time. I take them with me everywhere and we go on family trips. When I wake up in the morning, I don't dread them and get them ready to dump them off at daycare. I am thankful for them as there are some people who try and have kids, but can't. There are also people out there who have lost a child and would do anything for another moment with them.

I'm guessing this is directed at me since you randomly brought up "we go on family trips" after I just posted that I am going to NYC next week. Are you suggesting that I do not value quality time with my children because I dare go on a solo vacation with my cousins for the first time ever? And that I should feel guilty because I am not bringing them along? If so, that's laughable. My kids are my life, anyone who actually knows me knows that. And of course we go on family vacations, and spend quality time together. Parents CAN give their children a wonderful, fulfilling life AND take time for themselves you know.

[dodge__driver11]

I'm sorry to hear so many of you are having a hard time with motherhood

Oh please don't tell me you just went there. I feel like that black lady bobbing my head on the Maury show, saying "oh no she ditn't!!" LOL

I am fine with my motherhood, and love my son more than words can say......

I am also fine with having my own identity, and being my own person, and there is nothing wrong with that....

[Fun&care]

I'm sorry to hear so many of you are having a hard time with motherhood

What an immature and hurtful comment. Honestly there really is nothing wrong with disagreeing with each other, there are a lot of us here who are mothers and I bet you can't find two of us who parent exactly the same. There just was no need to make a comment like that. Most of us come here to have honest and open conversations together and even when we don't agree there is no need to resort to making blanket statements and hurtful comments. Were just gonna have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.

[bright sparks]

Don't any of you watch dr phil during naptimes? He says you can't change what you don't acknowledge, so maybe some of you don't realize the impact of your actions. It is usually negativity that wears a person down to the point where they can't keep up with life/parenting demands so need regular 'breaks'. Living a positive lifestyle helps positivity. Are you eating a good diet? Do you need a new mattress to have better sleeps? Little things like that can help a person have enough positivity to get through daily demands. Then that way they don't get worn out and have to lay in bed all day to recharge or have to go on regular holidays. Maybe it's a good idea to agree to disagree. I should not have to convince parents to spend more time with their OWN children, how sad is that? Especially with daycare providers who should know the benefits of quality time. I know some very dedicated parents who would agree with me. You could google the benefits of quality time with children. Then see why quality time is so important. You may also run into many articles about how many parents are too 'busy' for their children and how it is impacting their well-being.

But that is bias research. You would find just as many articles explaining how important it is for people to spend time away from their children and a list of the benefits to both the adult and the child as a result. Biassed research simply serves to reinforce your beliefs, even if they are wrong and that pertains to anything not just this subject. And Dr Phil...are you kidding me that's who you are going to use to back up what you say lol the guy may very well be educated but he doesn't even have a license so anyone can Google that kind of stuff or offer words of wisdom but it's not gonna be the same for everyone.

[Lou]

Don't any of you watch dr phil during naptimes? He says you can't change what you don't acknowledge, so maybe some of you don't realize the impact of your actions. It is usually negativity that wears a person down to the point where they can't keep up with life/parenting demands so need regular 'breaks'. Living a positive lifestyle helps positivity. Are you eating a good diet? Do you need a new mattress to have better sleeps? Little things like that can help a person have enough positivity to get through daily demands. Then that way they don't get worn out and have to lay in bed all day to recharge or have to go on regular holidays. Maybe it's a good idea to agree to disagree. I should not have to convince parents to spend more time with their OWN children, how sad is that? Especially with daycare providers who should know the benefits of quality time. I know some very dedicated parents who would agree with me. You could google the benefits of quality time with children. Then see why quality time is so important. You may also run into many articles about how many parents are too 'busy' for their children and how it is impacting their well-being.

You know what else Dr. Phil says a lot? "OH GET DOWN OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE"

You parent differently than every other person on this planet. No two parenting strategies are alike. But it certainly doesn't mean that YOUR way is the best one. If I choose to go away for the weekend, it is not because I am feeling mentally drained, not eating right, or need a better mattress (wtf, hahahaha). It's because I WANT to! It's OK to want to have fun that doesn't involve your children. I promise. I spend 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week of quality time with my children, and I love them to the end of the earth and back....why else would I quit my job and open a business to stay home with them? But spending time with friends, your husband, or your family isn't the end of the world, or your kids world. "I know some very dedicated parents who would agree with me." is saying that anyone who doesn't spend every waking moment with their children is not a dedicated parent and that's just bat shit crazy.
By the way, I noticed that you love to spew your gospel but never answer anyone's questions...so, please indulge me: How does a mother spending occasional time without their children negatively affect the child's overall well being? And how will spending every waking moment WITH your children help them to grow into better adults than those whose parents may have gone on a few dates with their husbands?
We all have different parenting styles, and that's ok. But it is not ok to make a statement about how our children are suffering because we do not use yours. There is no one way to be the perfect parent, but a million ways to be a great one.

[nschildcare]

If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

All parents need a break. I regularly take a break from being "mom". My kids don't suffer for it, they benefit. I am a better mom when I get time to myself.

[momofnerds]

If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

All parents need a break. I regularly take a break from being "mom". My kids don't suffer for it, they benefit. I am a better mom when I get time to myself.

your right, but I think what the op is saying is the ones that are always taking a break, like really why do you need to drop your child off for an entire week while you sit at home. And you know secretly, I think going to work outside your house where there are humans that don't carry toilet paper with them is a break for me lol! (sorry I had a little new walker unroll tp yesterday and I was in the middle of another bum change, it was so funny the look on his face) we all need breaks, but I find it odd that those who need the breaks spend the least amount of time with their children ??????