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  1. #21
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    I think it's easy for everyone to judge the parents staying at home but none of us have all the facts necessary to make an accurate judgement on the where and why of things. How does anyone ACTUALLY know that the parent sat on her ass all day and ACTUALLY thought "thank god I have the day away from my child" ?? A lot of what has been said on here does imply that this is what is thought of those parents or could easily be interpreted as so, but the fact is none of us know. Perhaps yes the doctors appointment is only for an hour but maybe the parent can get a lot of other things done while they are out which would be slowed down if their child was in tow. What about those parents who struggle to keep themselves together and self-care needs to prioritized for their mental well being. This actually makes them better parents and is in the best interest of the child and the child is left with a daycare provider who has an educational program, is helping their child develop well and providing a safe environment for them while the parent does what they may have to do to keep themselves together, all be it that for some, this may simply be lying in bed all day.

    I believe that it may be a shame for the child to be dropped off at opening time and picked up right at closing time, but how about instead of being passive and tip toeing around the situation, you state with confidence that you would like the parent to pick up and drop off at slightly different times to make the day shorter for them. It's your business and if you don't like the way a parent is acting then say something. If you don't feel you can, then IMO the chances are that it's because it oversteps the boundary of a daycare providers role and just highlights the fact that this is simply a difference in parenting styles.

    People leaving one sibling with grandparents and not the other while they go away is something that I could never do and taking two weeks off and not spending any of those days with my child is again something I would never do, but this isn't about me and there is nothing I can do to change these people so it's wasted energy getting angry about someone else's actions that do not effect me. I also doubt it will scar the child for life enough for them to be an alcoholic....if you actually research causes for addictions this wouldn't necessarily stand out as a common cause? Also the child at this age would be happy as long as they are loved by someone, and children don't even form long term memories until approx 3yrs old so I don't think we need to over react about. How is it any different TO THE CHILD, if they don't see a parent all day because they are at home or if they are at work? The kid, at least for our general age group, are none the wiser and aren't any worse off as long as who they are with loves them and cares for them.

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  3. #22
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    Not all the time, and not from open to close, but if I had the opportunity to have a day to mself to rest and relax and do NOTHING your damn right I would take it! I'm not just a Mom, I'm not just a wife or a dcprovider...I'm ME and investing a little time in ME is healthy for everyone in my life, my children included.
    Next weekend I'm going to NY for 3 days. Is it selfish and bad parenting of me to not bring my children along and that I found safe and enriching care for them for when I'm gone? Nope. I'm sorry for you if you think that.
    It doesn't happen often, but when I parent drops off their child and says "I'm just out and about running errands so you can reach me on my cell or at home", I say "Sounds nice! Have a great day!".

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  5. #23
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    It doesn't really bother me. Would I like to have 1 less kid? Sure. But I've been a working mom, and I get it. I felt like I was constantly running. Dropping my kids off at daycare as soon as she opened and racing to work to get there on time, leaving at 5:00 on the nose every day to battle traffic and get there at 5:29 everyday, looking at the clock every minute worrying I was going to be late. Getting home at 6, and having to throw dinner on the table, hopefully give them a bath, and get them to bed by 7:30 so I could clean the kitchen, make lunches, throw a load of laundry in. I use to do my grocery shopping/errand running/ whatever, on my lunch break or after the kids were in bed. I had absolutely no me time, and I was miserable.

    In the summers, we use to get every friday afternoon off because we took reduced lunch hours all throughout the year. I went home, grabbed lunch on the way, and sat on the couch for 4 hours catching up on my DVR shows. I picked up my kids about 1/2 hour early. I felt an incredible amount of guilt, but it made me a better mom. I looked forward to that time all week, and it kept me going.

    Time with your kids is important, but it isn't always about quantity. Because I was able to recharge, my time with them was also quality time.

    With the exception of 2 families (that I know of), all of my DCF have times when they are home but still send their kids to me. There was only one family that I was bothered by. Mom was early one time, and when she realized, she stopped at the local hardware store to wander around until pick up time. Dad from the same family was also laid off (construction job, it happened every year), and DCG was brought to me every day for almost a month. Open to close, save 15 minutes. Even on her birthday. That one got to me, but I think it was more because the kid was a nightmare and drove me to drink most nights. -

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by adaycarelady View Post
    When I was a child, my greatest memories were of those family members who where with me. How is a parent suppose to make positive childhood memories if they not around their child? Oh well, us daycare providers shouldn't even care since we are not paid to care about their futures. Back when I was growing up, I even had my grandparents spend time with me and these days a child is lucky if their dad sticks around. The type of parents who see their child as draining should find a 24 hour daycare and then they will never have to be around their kids! They can do all the 'recharging' they need to do and not have to be bothered! I guess quality time just isn't valued anymore these days, oh well, my kids are not deprived of quality time. I take them with me everywhere and we go on family trips. When I wake up in the morning, I don't dread them and get them ready to dump them off at daycare. I am thankful for them as there are some people who try and have kids, but can't. There are also people out there who have lost a child and would do anything for another moment with them.
    I'm guessing this is directed at me since you randomly brought up "we go on family trips" after I just posted that I am going to NYC next week. Are you suggesting that I do not value quality time with my children because I dare go on a solo vacation with my cousins for the first time ever? And that I should feel guilty because I am not bringing them along? If so, that's laughable. My kids are my life, anyone who actually knows me knows that. And of course we go on family vacations, and spend quality time together. Parents CAN give their children a wonderful, fulfilling life AND take time for themselves you know.

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  9. #25
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    I am also one who would never vacation on my own. My sister is always wanting to go on a trip to Vegas and I keep refusing. I would rather take my husband and my child and Yes I do find it hard to understand why she doesn't want to do the same.

    I was one of those women who thought I would never have children and struggled many years before having my daughter. I think it gives me a different perspective on spending time with my daughter.

  10. #26
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    I didn't struggle to get pregnant and I absolutely adore my 3 children, who I've raised alone for most of their lives. Everyone has their own struggles and muddle through because they value their children, but it doesn't mean they have to be glued to their sides indefinitely. I can tell you why someone like Lou or myself might want to travel without them once in a while......because it's bloody fantastic, that's why! I travel every year alone...and have done for years. I've also taken my children on family vacations. Traveling alone is a momentary opportunity to be just me...not mum, not provider...not anything to anyone but myself. And when I'm backpacking, EVEN BETTER!!! Kudos to anyone who wants to dedicate every single moment to their families. That's great! For me, I like to spend a little time on myself and it's not strange, or show that I don't love my children. I love to backpack, meet new people, see the world and enjoy some quiet moments. And, I have to say, the ability to spin in a circle, arms outstretched on a white sand beach without hitting any children is the bees knees

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  12. #27
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    This is not aimed at any specific individual, it is relative to everyone. Each to there own, but don't be so judgemental of those who do things differently than you.....it does not make a mother a better mother because she is with her child more than another person. Majority of people who don't eat together in the evenings don't have the luxury of choice most of the time. I am with my children more than anyone else and I adore them more than I could possibly put into words. They are my whole world and I always put them before myself. As a result of this I am on the brink of being a lesser mother than I could potentially be. Because I have cared for them at the expense of myself, I risk not being the mother they need, because I have been surrounded by people who have told me that it is WRONG to put myself first, to take care of me, to be an individual and that when I chose to be a mother that nothing else mattered. I wish I had been influenced by people who practiced a balanced lifestyle where taking care of myself was encouraged along with taking care of my family. I won't allow judgey judgey types with ABSOLUTLY NO CLUE of what it's like to be in my shoes act like because I do things alone and leave my children with others that I am somehow less of a parent. I am actually doing my children a service by giving them opportunities to interact with others and build independence without helicoptering around them. I always did everything with my children and essentially lived for my children. Focus your energy on your own families, not judging others when you know nothing about what their life looks like, only what you presume and judge from where you are stood.

    Why be so concerned with a life that is no concern of yours. You may think because the parent has regular alone time that it is detrimental to the child, but is the child sad? Quality care and Quantative care are different things. You can't possibly know that the parents constantly disregard their child, neglect them or dislike them. Those are assumptions and not fair to make. Maybe spending less time with the child allows for valuable self care for the adult, and better quality time when it is family time. Less chance of being taken for granted too.....Why because another person takes alone time, maybe even regular consistent alone time without their child are they being labelled as less than adequate parents and not caring? Are they judging the parents who have their children glued to their hip and constantly decline invitations and opportunities to do things as an individual?? Let's be compassionate to people and spend less time coming to our own conclusions on what they are like when really we have NO CLUE!!

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  14. #28
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mickyc View Post
    I am also one who would never vacation on my own. My sister is always wanting to go on a trip to Vegas and I keep refusing. I would rather take my husband and my child and Yes I do find it hard to understand why she doesn't want to do the same.

    I was one of those women who thought I would never have children and struggled many years before having my daughter. I think it gives me a different perspective on spending time with my daughter.
    I agree it likely gives you a different perspective, but not a better one. My mother had 3 miscarriages and both my brother and I are adopted. Like many people, but definitely not all and likely not the majority, when trying for a child for many many years, sight can be lost of why a person wanted children in the first place. Struggling to conceive does not make a person more likely to treat their child any better than someone who conceived easily. I suffered severe neglect as a child and it was down to the individuals that were my parents, but not reflective by the fact that "initially" I was a more wanted child, apparently. I wanted my children as much as anyone who struggled to conceive, but that doesn't effect how I parent my child or how much time I choose to spend with them growing up.

    I think a lot of the problem with feeling frustrated about not understanding another persons choices and actions is this prenotion that we need to understand. It's not our life, essentially none of our business, and we don't need to understand, just respect the wishes of others and try our best not to be so judgemental of those who choose to do things differently than us. Most of the time, we don't have all the information to make a proper call anyway, and without being in that persons shoes, or in their head space we don't see a situation for what it truly is. I shake my head at things others do, but If it doesn't effect me, or hurt anyone then I really would be doing myself a favour by getting over it.

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  16. #29
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    I never said my way is right. I have many life experiences that have made me the way I am. I had a rough upbringing, witnessed my husband's struggle of missing out on his children's upbringing and struggled with infertility and miscarriages for years before our daughter came along. These are the reasons that I choose to play an important role in my daughter's life. I want her memories to be of fun things we did while she was growing up. I am as far from a helicopter parent as can be.

    No I don't understand why a lot of parents don't want to spend more time with their children. I do find it sad for the kids who would have loved to have a day at home doing something special with mom/dad on their day off. All my daycare kids love coming to daycare but I feel it so important that in a world where parents work all day long, only get to see the kids a few hours in the evening and possibly on weekends (if they aren't pawned off on grandma!) that it is so much more important for a parent to MAKE the time to make special memories with the kids.

    I have no issues with parents being busy doing something like appointments, home renos, cleaning house etc but there is no reason a child needs to be at daycare from the second I open to the second I close just because they are paying me. I totally agree that there needs to be a balance of time with your children and time without but they are small children! This is when they need their parents! When they are pre-teen and over then they can have more freedom.

    Also we are all humans and we judge people everyday! That is what we do. This is a forum to express our feelings - I thought that is what it is for. I certainly don't tell my parents that I think they should spend more time with their child even though I do. We come on here to let our feelings out.
    Last edited by mickyc; 04-23-2014 at 08:26 AM.

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  18. #30
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    At the risk of sounding like the odd man out here... I am going to venture out and say that I specifically schedule time without my child. Each Saturday he has playdates, Karate etc and Sunday he is at t ball, and swimming. (with his dad) I am with him as part of my daycare group Mon-Fri, as well his dad works 2 other jobs, so I really hardly get any time without him or children present.

    I too struggled during my pregnancy, and he will be and is my only child.

    I think this is rather apt.

    http://www.umbrelr.com/young-mother-...ont-blame-her/

    And before you jump on me saying that is part of parenting I say, part of being a good parent is having my own identity separate from that of my marriage and my family. Does that make me selfish......? No. I don't think so. It makes me me.

    Have a great day ya'll.
    Last edited by dodge__driver11; 04-23-2014 at 11:15 AM.

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