Some parents who don't want to be around their kids

[mattsmom]

I think what frustrates some of us is not the parents who occasionally take their day off to themselves, but the ones who constantly do it. Also, when it comes to say, Christmas holidays, when you have almost all your dc families taking days off and actually spending time with their kids versus the parents who will take the whole 2 weeks off and throw it in your face that they are off and don't even think of coming to pick up even a half hour earlier.

There is nothing wrong with taking the afternoon to do some shopping or get your nails done, if your paying for it. I have been a working mother as well, for years, when my kids were little....I totally get it. But I'll be damned if I spent every single one of my days off or holidays without spending some time with my children. Now that one of my boys is grown and moved out and the other is approaching his teens, I think back and realize how fast they grow up and how important it is to spend those younger years with them..

[Fun&care]

Well I'm late to the party but I have to chime in here...it's funny how everyone sees things differently. When my dc parents have the day off I always say something along the lines of " good for you! Enjoy some time to yourself" just because I find them incredibly lucky for being able to take some time off without their child every so often. I don't have that luxury because we don't have family in town to babysit so we have to pay a teenager what seems like a small fortune every time we want to go out. If my kids were in daycare and I had the opportunity to drop them off for yes, the ENTIRE day while I do whatever I want, whether it be chores or errands or just having a movie marathon, damn straight I would do it! There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs time to recharge, and recharging is pretty much impossible with little ones around, at least for me. Yes of course there are "those" parents who drop their kid off even when they are on a 2 week vacation but honestly, how do we know that maybe things are not that great at home, maybe they have struggles with depression or any mental disorder. How do we know that maybe these parents desperately need the time off to work on their marital relationship? WE DONT KNOW. And part of me feels that those who hold grudges against parents for doing this are actually the ones who need a vacation the most and just don't take enough time to take care of themselves.

[bright sparks]

Well I'm late to the party but I have to chime in here...it's funny how everyone sees things differently. When my dc parents have the day off I always say something along the lines of " good for you! Enjoy some time to yourself" just because I find them incredibly lucky for being able to take some time off without their child every so often. I don't have that luxury because we don't have family in town to babysit so we have to pay a teenager what seems like a small fortune every time we want to go out. If my kids were in daycare and I had the opportunity to drop them off for yes, the ENTIRE day while I do whatever I want, whether it be chores or errands or just having a movie marathon, damn straight I would do it! There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs time to recharge, and recharging is pretty much impossible with little ones around, at least for me. Yes of course there are "those" parents who drop their kid off even when they are on a 2 week vacation but honestly, how do we know that maybe things are not that great at home, maybe they have struggles with depression or any mental disorder. How do we know that maybe these parents desperately need the time off to work on their marital relationship? WE DONT KNOW. And part of me feels that those who hold grudges against parents for doing this are actually the ones who need a vacation the most and just don't take enough time to take care of themselves.

BRAVO...I agree completely and that's exactly what I was getting at too.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I mentioned this in a PM between another member and myself but wanted to comment here...

Isn't it funny how the dad's seem to have no problem having "alone time" yet the mother's are always the one who feel guilty or are made to feel guilty when they want some alone time?

How many dad's run to the hardware story by them self, go for a round of golf, have a few drinks after work, spend hours in their man cave/garage "fixing" things, etc etc etc. Definitely a double standard! lol

It seems that society feels that once a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer nothing but that and a wife. So many women forget who they were and become so lost in their children's lives that they don't take time out for themselves! It's sad

I think finding the balance between work, parenting and being a PERSON can be difficult but it is something that is needed to be done so that a person doesn't burn out.....or find themselves not knowing who they are once their children move out and move on with their own life!

[bright sparks]

It seems that society feels that once a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer nothing but that and a wife. So many women forget who they were and become so lost in their children's lives that they don't take time out for themselves! It's sad

I think finding the balance between work, parenting and being a PERSON can be difficult but it is something that is needed to be done so that a person doesn't burn out.....or find themselves not knowing who they are once their children move out and move on with their own life!

This is exactly what I am faced with right now. I was a mother at 18, married at 19 and had both my kids by 20. I am turning 32 in June and amongst my cargo ship of baggage lol, it is quite possible that because my entire adult life so far has been as caregiver to others, that I am unable to cut loose my baggage and have a life outside of the role of caregiver. It is all I know and a huge part of it is because society plays such a big role in telling us what we should do and criticizing us when we don't do things the stereotypical way. As women the stereotypes placed on us are bad enough but as caregivers even more so. I now strive to make time for me, and it is difficult as habits are hard to change after leaving myself out of the equation for so long. Every new venture I take, or try to take are tainted with self doubt due to neglecting my fundamental needs throughout life because I only focussed on being a caregiver, and now I am paying the price. Being a mother, a wife and a caregiver should not be the only things that define who I am, but right now they are. For those without my sense of identity crisis, it is still easy to get lost in the day to day and then before you know it there is just you. I will not allow anyone to make me feel bad for looking after myself, at least I am not criticizing those who are, which makes me a better person straight away. It is one thing to judge others which is absolutely human, but it's quite another to make strong judgemental statements at large about people we do not know in the slightest, about the choices they make as parents.

[5 Little Monkeys]

BS, my mother was similar to you. She was married at 17 in Oct, turned 18 in Dec, had myself in Feb and than my sister the following Jan when she was just 19. I also have a brother who is 8 years younger than me after she had a few miscarriages in between my sister and him. She was such a young mom and a had a lot of pressure on her. She ended up having a midlife crisis when I was 18 and divorced my dad the summer I graduated. She felt like she never had a life because she went from being a teenager to a mother of 2 and than eventually 3. Unfortunately though, the person my mom is today is someone who I don't even know or care to know. I often wonder if things would have been different had she been older before having kids or at least taken time out during our childhood to remember who she was, not just a mother to us.

I wish you all the best in your new chapter and hope that it is everything you want it to be!! I think it is absolutely fantastic that you looking out for yourself and realizing that there is more to you than just being a wife and mother!

[cfred]

Coincidentally, I had my kids young too...not as young as you two, but my 20s were a haze of childbirth, babies, then divorce. I'm doing the 20s now, but with the wisdom of a 45 year old It is IMPERATIVE to rediscover yourself. I can't even begin to tell you the levels of happy you'll hit.

[cfred]

Amanda, if you're looking for places to go in the future, don't hesitate to ask. I've traveled quite a bit to the Caribbean and a bit to Central America and my boyfriend grew up on St. Maarten, Aruba and Curacao. We've got little islands dialed for ya

[AmandaKDT]

Amanda, if you're looking for places to go in the future, don't hesitate to ask. I've traveled quite a bit to the Caribbean and a bit to Central America and my boyfriend grew up on St. Maarten, Aruba and Curacao. We've got little islands dialed for ya

Thanks, we found it very overwhelming trying to pick a place to go. My husband is from Congo in Africa, which unfortunately isn't too helpful in the travel department as I won't be going there any time soon!

[cfred]

Are you still married Bright Sparks, or on your own now? For me, a really defining moment was when I strapped on a backpack and took off on trip, alone, that terrified me. While I was supposed to go with a boyfriend, we broke up 6 weeks prior, so I said 'Sod it....I'm going anyway!' Incredible experience and massive growth experience. My best advice to you if you're feeling an identity crisis coming on, grab your pack, book a ticket and go somewhere that pushes your boundaries. That'll show you who you are pretty quickly