Some parents who don't want to be around their kids

[bright sparks]

Are you still married Bright Sparks, or on your own now? For me, a really defining moment was when I strapped on a backpack and took off on trip, alone, that terrified me. While I was supposed to go with a boyfriend, we broke up 6 weeks prior, so I said 'Sod it....I'm going anyway!' Incredible experience and massive growth experience. My best advice to you if you're feeling an identity crisis coming on, grab your pack, book a ticket and go somewhere that pushes your boundaries. That'll show you who you are pretty quickly

I am still married yes. 12 years this June. My husband is 10 years older and fortunately very patient and supportive. I am currently suffering from PTSD and have developed a phobia surrounding the safety of my kids which is likely a product of my closeness to them and developing a subconscious dependency on them due to the neglect I experienced as a child. Kind of ironic that I should be caring for other children with no issues at all but my own children I literally have a "worse case scenario" playing on loop if they aren't at least in my vicinity. I desperately need to do what you said. I am just full of fear. I really want to go to the women's retreat, alone, on pelee island this summer. Fingers crossed I can find the courage.

Identity crisis is putting things lightly. I am enrolling in Uni for September 2015 taking Psychology and Sexuality and I swear to god I will be putting that before everything else. My kids will be 14 and 13 then and I think it will do them a lot of good to not have me around half as much. It will be best for my whole family before everything with me hits the fan. It takes so much mental energy to keep myself together for work, which I believe I do a terrific job of doing, but it comes at a heavy price. Thanks for your kind words ladies

[AmandaKDT]

I am still married yes. 12 years this June. My husband is 10 years older and fortunately very patient and supportive. I am currently suffering from PTSD and have developed a phobia surrounding the safety of my kids which is likely a product of my closeness to them and developing a subconscious dependency on them due to the neglect I experienced as a child. Kind of ironic that I should be caring for other children with no issues at all but my own children I literally have a "worse case scenario" playing on loop if they aren't at least in my vicinity. I desperately need to do what you said. I am just full of fear. I really want to go to the women's retreat, alone, on pelee island this summer. Fingers crossed I can find the courage.

Identity crisis is putting things lightly. I am enrolling in Uni for September 2015 taking Psychology and Sexuality and I swear to god I will be putting that before everything else. My kids will be 14 and 13 then and I think it will do them a lot of good to not have me around half as much. It will be best for my whole family before everything with me hits the fan. It takes so much mental energy to keep myself together for work, which I believe I do a terrific job of doing, but it comes at a heavy price. Thanks for your kind words ladies

I took a course in Sexuality when I was in university and it was very interesting.

[bright sparks]

I took a course in Sexuality when I was in university and it was very interesting.

I'm applying to major in it. It is fascinating and I think it will compliment the psychology major nicely. There are only 3 universities in Ontario that offer it as a major so I am very excited and also that I can take it as a double too I'm going for a campus tour tomorrow!

[mickyc]

Now don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with some time away from the kids, that is not what I am saying. Maybe I have just had a bad group of parents but I really truly believe that some of my daycare kids (not all) could benefit greatly from some time with their parents on a day off. Over the years I have had some interesting families. There is nothing I hate more than the "I am paying you so I will send my child no matter what" attitude. I have had my share of these parents. I have had a child whose older sibling could go to grandma's for a day but he couldn't because he has to come to my house (because they were paying for the spot ya know!). It is these kinds of parents that drive me crazy. I had a family who constantly worked, worked from home, worked weekends, both had very busy careers and their lack of time with their child showed a great deal in his constant seeking for attention no matter if it is good or bad.

I also send my daughter to pre-school - yes she needs time away from me as well. My husband takes her to dance class so that I can do housework. We take full advantage of evenings she is at grandma's house to have a date night or go to a movie rated higher than a G! The reason I don't take holidays away from my family is because well we don't take holidays. That is not a luxury for us for financial reasons so in the event I ever could afford to go on one you bet my family would be part of it.

I have no problem with parents taking some "me" time and sending their child to daycare but come on....some need to put their kids a little higher on the quality time scale IMO. They don't need to be here from the second I open to the second I close if mom is at home (and I am not talking about the ones that do this on occasion, I mean the ones that do it often). I had one family who never ever (and I mean never ever!!) took a day off unless I took one. When she ended up going on mat leave she had over a month and a half of holiday time to use up.

For myself I love the break when a child gets to stay home with a parent, those are the days we get to do extra activities and go on an outing. It happens so rarely and the whole group loves it so much.

[Lou]

adaycarelady- PLEASE enlighten me as to how I am having such a difficult time with motherhood. I am very interested in your wisdom. I am dead serious that I would like to hear what makes you a better mother than me.

[Lou]

And even if I took a solo vacation every year, which I don't...how does THAT imply that I must be overwhelmed and wish I was a part time parent??

[Lou]

I know it wasn't directed at only me, but your blanket statements are targeted at everyone who doesn't parent exactly like you. I wish you could take a step back and hear how judgmental you are coming off.
And this:
"When I see people talking about how nice it is to be away from their kids and travel without their kids, I'm thinking that maybe they are having a hard time with motherhood" What the hell?? lol. So, yes this is in my direction since I discussed my excitement over a weekend trip to NY. So, how, in your opinion, does me being excited to spend a weekend with my cousins...my first weekend away in 9 yrs mind you...make you think that I'm in any way having a hard time with motherhood, or that I wish I was a part time mother?

[cfred]

LOL!!! Seriously??? I travel every year....by myself. I'm a dedicated mother who loves her children very much. Going away for 2 or 3 weeks per year max does not, in any way make me a part time parent or mean that I'm having a hard time mothering. Quite the opposite actually. I think I've got a few things sorted out that you may not have yet. I'm a very happy, independent woman who has sorted out her life, raised her children (who are in fact well adjusted and happy) and has come to the valuable realization that my identity is not entirely wrapped up in my children. Because someday those kids are going to move on. It's a good idea to have a good grasp on who you are aside from Mummy before that happens...and be damned sure you like it, or the empty nest is going to hit hard!

Jesus....that was quite a statement. Wow....don't fall off that high horse and get a concussion!

[Wonderwiper]

As a mother....I am teaching my children that they can be anything they want!! They don't have to be pigeon holed into one thing. I am teaching them that everyone does things differently and that it's ok. Different isn't better or worse.

People who are confident in their own choices and decisions don't need to put others down for theirs.

[mickyc]

wow did this discussion ever get side tracked!! LOL