One week too soon to call it quits with new girl?

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Hi! So I have a new girl that just started at my day care Monday. She's a sweetie, but has some issues we are trying to work through. She's almost four years old. Every time her mom drops her off she screams and cries, and her mom takes about ten minutes to actually walk out the door. After she leaves, this girl has a full on tantrum and tries to escape out the door, lol, so I have to put her in a booster seat with a buckle and I sit with her and help her to calm down (while also looking after the other kids and making breakfast).

The biggest issue though is that this child will eat almost NOTHING I put in front of her. I have a really wonderful menu, approved by my child-care coordinator, but all this kid will eat is goldfish and berries.

I made pancakes the other day and she refused to touch them. Ditto with pasta. Same with mac and cheese, and every meal, breakfast or lunch, that I have given her. Today I wouldn't be surprised if all she ate was the apples that were part of her morning snack. I ask her to at least take a bite, but she throws an out and out tantrum and screams for her mommy for like, the rest of lunch time. There is no getting through to her. I've told her mom and all the mom says is, "Baby, you need to eat!" And leaves it at that (this is a very young mom).

I have a four-week trial period where any time during that I can tell the parents that it is not working for one reason or another. I'm wondering if after five days that is enough -- four actually, as she wasn't in yesterday.

Or should I hold out and hope it gets better? I don't want to assume but I'm pretty sure she is eating junk at home (her front teeth are rotting to the point where if I try to brush her teeth she screams in pain). So when she comes here and wow, all of a sudden there is real, healthy food (that my daughter and the other kids love) it's ike, ew, what is that?

Ideas/advice?

[Lou]

It sounds annoying, yes, but I think one wek is a litle too soon in MY opinion. I actually had a little one quite like that and it took about a month before she started eating...and she was so tiny to begin with that it worried me but she finally came around and became one of my best eaters. As for drop offs, since it is Friday I would say at pick up say encouragingly "So, next week we're going to work on making the drop offs more short and sweet, so she doesn't have so a long a chance to get so worked up. Just keep it to a quick hug and kiss, tell her that you will see her after work and then out the door. It will help her stress level significantly, and eventually make drop offs easier for you too"

[sunnydays]

If the only big issue is the eating, I would not terminate care. Just keep offering what you serve in small amounts and if she doesn't eat that is her choice, but she doesn't get anything else but water. She may or may not start eating...but she will survive and if you make it a battle it will backfire. I have had kids who were quite picky and usually they eventually start eating at least some of the healthy options I serve. The crying at drop-off is normal considering she is very new with you...so I would think that will ease over the coming weeks. If it does not or if other behaviour issues come up before your 4 week trial is over, then I would terminate, but not at this point. Good luck!

[mickyc]

That is a hard one. I guess it all depends on how much of it you are willing to tolerate. I do not tolerate tantrums and at almost 4 she should be able to control her outbursts. I had a boy for a whole year that was very high maintenance and I was so happy when he left. I don't think I would have a lot of patience for another child like that and likely wouldn't keep them very long lol. As for the eating it sounds as though mom isn't really going to help with the issue so just serve her what you serve and that is it. If a child doesn't eat the my morning snack they keep getting it again until it is gone. Luckily I have a great group of kids and they eat everything I put in front of them.

[DCMG]

I agree with Lou. Drop offs need to be super quick regardless of screaming or not. Hug and kiss and gone...the longer they linger the worse it will be. As for the food issue, just put the food in front of her and then leave her be, I wouldn't even ask her to take a bite or even make eye contact. Soon you will find she will start sneaking. Bites and then before long she will be eating full meal but even then I wouldn't raise notice to it either. I would give it at least 2 more weeks with the quick drop offs and see how that goes. Good luck, we have all been there at least once.

[Secondtimearound]

The drawn out drop offs are painful !!! I have had my fill of those !!! I am not a fan of allowing tantrums at that age , I def allow crying and give lots of space for a child to have his/her upset time . I carry on as usual and allow the child to self soothe and then join us when they are ready . I try to make as little attention as possible .
With eating it does take time ! Especially if she doesn't recognize the healthy food you are serving !! This is a issue for me !! Too !!
I am not sure how long I would continue ! But I wish you lots of luck !!

[kassiemom]

I tell parents before they even start that drop off needs to be short and sweet.
As for the food, She will not starve herself, just keep trying and she will either eat or not, not your job to force her to eat. Talk to the parents about habits at home. maybe she is used to grazing and not used to sitting at the table. I see that a lot with new kids. Also suggest that they visit a dentist with her and suggest that maybe her teeth hurt to chew food. If they are rotting then that is very possible. If they don't have coverage i know many communities have free dental care for families without.
Hang in there i am sure it will get better soon!