That is a hard one. I guess it all depends on how much of it you are willing to tolerate. I do not tolerate tantrums and at almost 4 she should be able to control her outbursts. I had a boy for a whole year that was very high maintenance and I was so happy when he left. I don't think I would have a lot of patience for another child like that and likely wouldn't keep them very long lol. As for the eating it sounds as though mom isn't really going to help with the issue so just serve her what you serve and that is it. If a child doesn't eat the my morning snack they keep getting it again until it is gone. Luckily I have a great group of kids and they eat everything I put in front of them.