Tattle Tales - Grrrrrrrrr

[bright sparks]

I know this probably sounds terrible but I just tell them to go and play. I find it forces the kids to problem solve with each other and not feel the need to tell me every single thing.

I step in if I think it needs my help but most times they don't need my input and sort it out themselves.

I think this works for some kids but not all. Some are not receptive to this approach and if every time they have an issue, no matter how trivial, they are told literally to go away in no uncertain terms, this can impact them greatly. We may not think so but it is a proven fact that if the ONLY thing we get as a response is dismissal during early years, the greater chance that the message they get is that their caregiver/s don't care. I really study stages of development and psychosocial development, particularly in childhood obviously due to working with children, and there are countless studies/theories to support this and it actually makes sense to me since learning about it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am actually the harder parent out of me and my husband and don't tolerate tattling and whining, god it gives me such a headache, but the more I educate myself and learn about healthy early childhood development, the more I am open to alternative methods working for some children and I am no longer so quick to just ignore a child in the hopes they will stop. My daughter can be just told and she will do it because she accepts that a is wrong and b is right. My son on the other hand needs to understand why, so to simply tell him to stop or ignoring him can result in huge backlash, or at least when he was younger until I learnt how to approach issues differently with him. I think it is very important that the kids learn to problem solve themselves and having an adult step in too often is a negative thing, but I think while not giving the children negative attention, it could be more productive if I help a child to come up with strategies to aid them to independently problem solve without me as some children even left to deal with it, will still struggle even when others will manage with no problems. At age 3 1/2 I think it is important to come up with more productive ways to deal with tattling versus a 2 year old who would have a harder time maybe with the concept.

I have spoken to preschool teachers who have a toy phone where if the kids are bothered by someone they can go to it and tattle on the phone and then hang up and the problem is over. Also this one particular teacher told me that establishing rules of when it is okay to tattle and when it isn't is important and to involve the child in this helps them understand. That way they know their concerns are not being dismissed as unimportant, but they are learning when it is appropriate to tattle and when it isn't and they can understand then why a teacher or adult may tell them to "go and play" in the future. Pinterest has loads of ideas like this, and while I don't really take issue with ignoring this behaviour as a rule, I do think for some children there are much more productive ways of dealing with this. They can turn into a really great and fun teaching opportunity to all children in the group.