Tattle Tales - Grrrrrrrrr

[Lou]

Does anyone have any tips for cutting back on the incessant tattle taling that 2 of my dcb's (both 3 1/2) do? I'm talking for every chance they get "dcb looked at me" "dcg bumped me" "dcb might take my toy" on top of all the other things that could be handled on their own. We are working on "solving our own problems first" constantly, by using our words to "tell your friend how you are feeling, and that you don't like that". But it never fails that they come running to me first to tell on their friend for something dumb. More recently when I see them come running I put p my hand and say "stop and think, what do you need to do?" to which they turn around and either talk to their friend or just go back to playing because it obviously it didn't really bug them in the first place. This morning the latest one was "Lou, dcb finished snack before me"- and it's always in that tattling tone. My worst offender is also the boy I've talked about before that makes things up and will tattle tale for things that haven't even happened. I'm going to lose it if I hear my name in that whiny voice one more time this morning! lol!!!
Any tips would be appreciated Thanks!

[bright sparks]

Pinterest has some great boards full of tips on handling this very issue. You may find some good ideas there.

[Lou]

Pinterest is my life, lol, and I didn't even think to check there...thanks!

[playfelt]

Many people put up a mirror or picture and tell them to go tell ...... Normally that is the end of it and they go back to playing and sort it out.

[mickyc]

I know this probably sounds terrible but I just tell them to go and play. I find it forces the kids to problem solve with each other and not feel the need to tell me every single thing.

I step in if I think it needs my help but most times they don't need my input and sort it out themselves.

[FSD]

I have my own 3 1/2 year old daughter and a 3 year old in my care and the tattle taling is non stop!! I try to explain to them what is worth telling me and what isn't. My daughter is slowly getting it, but the 3 yo dcg is still telling me every....little...th ing!! I just tell her to go back and play like mickyc says.

[Kellybelly83]

I have come to realize that kids tattling etc is never going to end lol. I just keep redirecting them, with very little attention unless it's needed. BUT- One thing I cannot stand is whining! So, for that- I either ignore them until they talk nicely, or if they don't get the hint, I tell them that I don't want to hear a whiney voice I want to hear a sweet voice/big kid voice. Sometime's I say that kids who while don't get answered lol. It took a while, but my one biggest whiner came around really well, and almost never whines anymore! Persistence is key I think. Way easier said than done though Good luck!!

[Momof4]

Oh boy Lou, it sounds like you have it all under control and are absolutely doing the right thing. I only had one child like that and I said about 100 times a day - don't tell me, talk to your friends. It was exhausting to have that child around and you have 2? Oh, I feel so bad for you!

I asked her Mom if she did it at home and the Mom said she even tattled on the cat. So I got the parents on board to say the same things I was saying. I think it helped a little. But I mentioned to the parents that dcgirl's personality was forming and they didn't want her to be like that when she got to school, did they? I think appealing to the parents that way helped a bit. Good luck to you!

[bright sparks]

I know this probably sounds terrible but I just tell them to go and play. I find it forces the kids to problem solve with each other and not feel the need to tell me every single thing.

I step in if I think it needs my help but most times they don't need my input and sort it out themselves.

I think this works for some kids but not all. Some are not receptive to this approach and if every time they have an issue, no matter how trivial, they are told literally to go away in no uncertain terms, this can impact them greatly. We may not think so but it is a proven fact that if the ONLY thing we get as a response is dismissal during early years, the greater chance that the message they get is that their caregiver/s don't care. I really study stages of development and psychosocial development, particularly in childhood obviously due to working with children, and there are countless studies/theories to support this and it actually makes sense to me since learning about it.

Now don't get me wrong, I am actually the harder parent out of me and my husband and don't tolerate tattling and whining, god it gives me such a headache, but the more I educate myself and learn about healthy early childhood development, the more I am open to alternative methods working for some children and I am no longer so quick to just ignore a child in the hopes they will stop. My daughter can be just told and she will do it because she accepts that a is wrong and b is right. My son on the other hand needs to understand why, so to simply tell him to stop or ignoring him can result in huge backlash, or at least when he was younger until I learnt how to approach issues differently with him. I think it is very important that the kids learn to problem solve themselves and having an adult step in too often is a negative thing, but I think while not giving the children negative attention, it could be more productive if I help a child to come up with strategies to aid them to independently problem solve without me as some children even left to deal with it, will still struggle even when others will manage with no problems. At age 3 1/2 I think it is important to come up with more productive ways to deal with tattling versus a 2 year old who would have a harder time maybe with the concept.

I have spoken to preschool teachers who have a toy phone where if the kids are bothered by someone they can go to it and tattle on the phone and then hang up and the problem is over. Also this one particular teacher told me that establishing rules of when it is okay to tattle and when it isn't is important and to involve the child in this helps them understand. That way they know their concerns are not being dismissed as unimportant, but they are learning when it is appropriate to tattle and when it isn't and they can understand then why a teacher or adult may tell them to "go and play" in the future. Pinterest has loads of ideas like this, and while I don't really take issue with ignoring this behaviour as a rule, I do think for some children there are much more productive ways of dealing with this. They can turn into a really great and fun teaching opportunity to all children in the group.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I really like the mirror and phone idea! I never really have kids old enough that tattle but if I do, I might give those ideas a try!!