Time to discharge her from care?

[nschildcare]

I would go right to removal from the table if she acted like that. Right to time out until everyone is finished. No second chances.

She is 4. She is old enough to know better.

I would have a frank talk with mom, tell her that this behaviour cannot continue. Pick a point on your calendar where you expect to see improvement. If no improvement, then decide to either try something else or move on.

Kids are able to understand that there are daycare rules and home rules. She needs to know that these are your rules and she needs to follow them. She will need consistency from you and an immediate consequence. Maybe a reminder of expected behaviour before getting up to the table. Then if she starts acting up, immediately get her down. "We don't scream at the table." Right to a quiet place to sit until snack, lunch, whatever is finished. No second chances.

She won't starve. If she's hungry, she'll behave.