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  1. #1
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
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    Son...hitting...help !

    So, my own son just stared JK this year. Since about 1 month into JK he has had almost daily notes home indicating that he has issues with hitting and an inability to keep his hands to himself. I, of course, exclusively had him in my own home daycare before this year and I honestly have never once seen this issue at home (not in daycare setting, saw it earlier with his older brother, but we quickly put a stop to that successfully).
    He,of course, has consequences at school (time-out, missing recess) & feedback from teachers is that we will just keep con-sequencing.
    Also, he gets a stern talking to/consequence (and reward for positives!) at home.
    We are at a standstill here...he keeps getting these notes.
    Ideas?
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.

    ~Anonymous~

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
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    Have you asked the teacher what is taking place when he is hitting? Is it during free play, transitions, before meals, end of day? Sometimes it is on the teacher to identify what is causing the behavior. Going from a small home daycare with about 5 kids to a busy kindergarten with 20 kids is a big change. It is overwhelming and many children need help find acceptable coping strategies to prevent this behavior. But without knowing what the behaviors take place it's just a crap shoot as to what to do!

    I would ask the teacher to do some ABC tracking. Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence. This will give a good picture of all as to what is happening and help you effectively tackle the issue.

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  4. #3
    Euphoric ! Dreamalittledream's Avatar
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    Great advice; thank you.
    Children are great imitators.
    So give them something great to imitate.

    ~Anonymous~

  5. #4
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    I agree with the others but I will add a situation which happened with my oldest when he started school....

    My oldest was what is politely referred to as a 'busy' kid. Easily bored, always looking for a challenge, knows the rules but always tested to see if they would be enforced and if they weren't going to be, took it as a green light to ignore them completely.

    I would constantly be getting notes home that made no sense because he's always been a rule follower when the rules were known and made clear and it was like he was oblivious to the expectations based on the feed back I was getting.

    In the end, I went in to the school and had a lengthy discussion with his teacher. I asked very specific questions regarding if he was blatantly ignoring the rules and I asked very detailed questions about when this happened and the circumstances.

    Eventually the teacher explained that if a child broke a rule, their name went on the board. If they broke a second rule or if she needed to speak to the same child again in the same day, a check mark beside their name was added. If a third incident happened on the same day, then they were sent to the office.

    Her complaint was that every day my son's name would be on the board with a check mark. Her frustration was that he must understand the rules because he never got as far as being sent to the office. Her view was he was being deliberately disruptive and pushing to the line but knew enough not to step over it.

    No wonder he was pushing if this was her system! I had to explain to her that effectively, he was being given her permission to commit two fouls per day! In his mind, it didn't matter if his name was on the board nor did it matter if a check mark was added. There was no consequence to not listening until the third strike of the day.

    It hadn't occurred to her that he would see it this way. And once she revised her system, it never happened again.

    It could be too that there is some foolish system like this which the school views one way but your child sees completely differently. Knowing your own child, if you can find out the events leading up to the complaints, it might also be glaringly obvious to you too.

  6. #5
    Euphoric !
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachael View Post
    I agree with the others but I will add a situation which happened with my oldest when he started school....

    My oldest was what is politely referred to as a 'busy' kid. Easily bored, always looking for a challenge, knows the rules but always tested to see if they would be enforced and if they weren't going to be, took it as a green light to ignore them completely.

    I would constantly be getting notes home that made no sense because he's always been a rule follower when the rules were known and made clear and it was like he was oblivious to the expectations based on the feed back I was getting.

    In the end, I went in to the school and had a lengthy discussion with his teacher. I asked very specific questions regarding if he was blatantly ignoring the rules and I asked very detailed questions about when this happened and the circumstances.

    Eventually the teacher explained that if a child broke a rule, their name went on the board. If they broke a second rule or if she needed to speak to the same child again in the same day, a check mark beside their name was added. If a third incident happened on the same day, then they were sent to the office.

    Her complaint was that every day my son's name would be on the board with a check mark. Her frustration was that he must understand the rules because he never got as far as being sent to the office. Her view was he was being deliberately disruptive and pushing to the line but knew enough not to step over it.

    No wonder he was pushing if this was her system! I had to explain to her that effectively, he was being given her permission to commit two fouls per day! In his mind, it didn't matter if his name was on the board nor did it matter if a check mark was added. There was no consequence to not listening until the third strike of the day.

    It hadn't occurred to her that he would see it this way. And once she revised her system, it never happened again.

    It could be too that there is some foolish system like this which the school views one way but your child sees completely differently. Knowing your own child, if you can find out the events leading up to the complaints, it might also be glaringly obvious to you too.
    ----------------------------------------

    I can't help but smile at this. I've working in schools and have seen teachers use this name/checkmark system. Though none would send the child to the principal on third strike (does that not just scream I can't discipline so I'll send you to someone who can?).

    I just giggle the way your son interpreted this as 2 freebies. The teacher is thinking that having his name on the board will bring fear and shame to the children and that no child will let their name go on the board and there's you son happily ensuring it is there every day with a checkmark.

    Completely different viewpoints. heehee. Clearly the teacher completely missed out on fully explaining her expectations for the children. She also clearly missed out on understanding the children's understanding and motivations!

    To the OP...I would meet with the teacher and ask very specific questions about who/what/when/where all the incidences are taking place. I would guess your child is lost in a swarm of children and merely doesn't understand what is expected of him. Even the best of children start acting out when they just don't know what to do with themselves. Moving from 1 in 5 (whether with mom or not) can be overwhelming if they end up with a classroom that isn't run with very, very clear expectations and directions.

  7. #6
    Good advice. Thank you.

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