OT- Neighbours yelling

[kassiemom]

I have these neighbours directly behind us who yell and scream at their kids as their primary way of communicating. It really bugs me, they have no filter even out in the yard when they know people can hear them. i have heard them from their front yard too. It makes me sad to hear this and I am on the fence about calling CAS.

Why I would call- They are emotionally scarring their kids by yelling at them.
they keep their curtains and blinds closed all the time
I think i heard dad spank one of them although i didn't see it.

Why i wouldn't call just yet- they would know its me and i fear for safety of my kids and dog (I've heard of people poisoning dogs through the fence)
I have never actually seen physical abuse
the yelling is more of Do this, Do that and Get over here type of things. I don't hear any derogatory things such as calling them names etc.

What would you do in my case. I know it is my responsibility if i suspect abuse but i don't know if this is abuse or just really bad parenting.

when i am outside with the kids i speak loud enough that they can hear and i am overly nice to my kids to try and show them how people actually should treat kids.

So torn

[5 Little Monkeys]

IMO, this is a case of crappy parenting but nothing that warrants a call to CFS.

Keeping blinds closed could be because they are keeping the heat out or they just like privacy. My upstairs blinds are usually closed and I would hope someone wouldn't interpret that as me being neglectful.

[Artsand crafts]

IMO, this is a case of crappy parenting but nothing that warrants a call to CFS.

I agree, this is one extreme, the other extreme is very permissive parents that let their kids whatever they want and then they are sometimes the most misbehaving kids out there. I wonder why I wish I could call CAS every time I see that, but it goes again to "crappy parenting". Nothing and outsider could do about it.

It the noise bothers you, maybe you can hint your neighbors something along the lines that in between those houses you can hear almost anything. Hopefully that way they keep the noise down.

[Kellybelly83]

If you want, you can document stuff (date time, what you heard/saw), that way if you ever feel the need to call CAS down the road you have a history written down. From what you have said though, it just sounds like a family that yells. One thing that would put my mind at ease would be the fact that they don't hide it from you lol. Lots of people who abuse kids hide it- and act very nicely otherwise. I hear my neighbors yelling all the time (and I am sure they have heard me once or twice- not gonna lie!) and while it's annoying, I think well, at least I know what is going on over there. Plus I know the kids and I bet they have been told to do something a couple times before the yelling started (same here sometimes.... sigh)

It's still sad that the yelling is so much... I can't throw stones as I tend to holler when I get heated up- but that being said, it's usually after I've tried communicating in a normal voice and was not heard lol. I hate yelling, but it's definitely necessary sometimes when there are 6 kids all making noise. But yelling just because... I don't think that is healthy unless the child is hard of hearing.

Bottom line, document! And if you get a bad gut feeling, make an anonymous call.

[dodge__driver11]

Let me share an exp. with you. I had CAS called on me 2x because I "yelled at my boy, and told him no" and I know the exact incidents that they were referring to.. I in no way was hurting my child, he on the other hand was acting as if I had hurt him, by saying things like "no mommy, no don't hurt me" when I was doing nothing but standing my ground and not giving in.

Just be sure you have all your ducks in a row, and not just calling because of something that may just be a defiant child.

[mom-in-alberta]

Unless you know or TRULY suspect that they are being abused (do they have bruises or odd injuries?), this is none of your concern. How do you know that they are emotionally scarring them? Yelling may not be the most effective form of communication, but sometimes it is all people know. You said they do not call names, or otherwise degrade them. Perhaps the words that you don't hear are loving and encouraging. From what you have stated, this is about a difference of opinion on how to parent the kids. Keeping the blinds closed means nothing, except that perhaps they don't like the sunshine.

[mickyc]

I agree with everyone. This is just a difference in parenting IMO. It is not against the law to spank your own child and you yourself stated that they don't call them names or degrade them. As for keeping the blinds closed that means nothing. Most people keep the blinds closed to keep the house cool

[Lee-Bee]

Seems like poor parenting to me...not worth a CAS call.

If they have no filters for how they act outside with people around then I doubt they keep the blinds closed to abuse their children in privacy. They are either don't care to have them open (time and effort) or keep them closed to keep the sun/heat out.

I think it is a bit extreme to assume that people that yell at their kids (to do this and do that) would poison your dog and harm your children if you reported them. I can see them being annoyed and letting you know but I wouldn't expect them to take drastic measures and try to poison your dog.

As others said if you feel there may be cause for concern start documenting events now so you have details to back up a future call.

[Wonderwiper]

My mind would never make the leap from yelling and closed blinds to child abuse and poisoned dogs.

I live in a subdivision and the blinds at the back are always closed!! I also think some families just yell. It doesn't equal abuse. You said yourself they don't degrade the kids. So, while it may not be how you do things it is really none of your business. You could nicely ask them to try to be quiet as you have children sleeping.

If you see/hear abusive things that is obviously is a different story but it doesn't sound like it in this situation.

[kassiemom]

wow i had no idea that yelling was such an acceptable way of communicating, especially from people who work with kids.
we all have our moments but constant yelling and screaming is not beneficial to the children and it is really sad that this is okay by everyone. I know that calling to report them is not the most ideal situation at this point and i wouldn't call prematurely but i would rather call and have it be nothing than to watch this go on and something terrible happen.