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Thread: A husband vent!

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    208 Times in 173 Posts
    I was going to say exactly that mickyc !!! I have been married going on 26 years and my advice is vent to your gfs !! Men are so challenging sometimes with their switch from macho to nursery !! Complaining endlessly is annoying !! And I handle that like I handle my dcks who whine lol no attention !
    I certainly would not be doing anything to help change his job !!!! Nothing !! Guess who will be blamed when he's had a bad day then ???!!!
    I have seen hardly any growth come from my husband that I initiated !! If he wants to change he will , and I am a determined woman , but it doesn't matter .
    Women usually are problem solvers so when a need is expressed we try to fix it , what we need to remember is we can't fix their problems !! So we need to listen or stop listening ! But not try to make it better !!
    Pretty much your hubby gets to unload on you then go off , watch baseball while you are running your house , running your dayhome and trying to run his life !
    So much stress on you , which you can handle when your younger but takes it's toll as you get older !!

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  3. #12
    Expansive... dodge__driver11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    155 Times in 114 Posts
    Oh man,

    I could write a whole thread myself.....

    Granted my husband is working a lot of extra hours and is hardly home....but he'll walk through the door and be like "Oh you folded the laundry, but you couldn't put it away? (I can't fit into our walk in closet)

    "You ordered pizza?? I wanted chicken..."

    "I hate neon green shoes!" (they were a pair of half off shoes..... that I could barely afford)

    "I am so sick of having to work all these extra hours, isn't there something you can do??"


  4. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    161 Times in 110 Posts
    oh dodge, I'm with you! Mine comes home, finds me making dinner, dealing with my own 3 kids, cleaning up after the day, etc, and he walks through the door, looks around the kitchen, heaves the biggest sigh in the world, and starts doing the few dishes that have been put in the sink since I did a load of them an hour ago. As if those few plastic kids' plates make all the difference... but it makes me feel like he thinks I've done nothing all day, and the house will never be clean enough for him. But he's a total neat freak and literally OCD a lot of the time, so I TRY to ignore it.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    55 Times in 52 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by CrazyEight View Post
    To be honest, this job is not going to be my career. I know some of you plan on doing this for a long time coming, and I really wish that I could feel that way too, but it's just not enough for me. I went into this a year ago when my mat leave ended with my youngest, thinking I would do it for a few years until she is in school or at least 3 or so, and my older kids' daycare needs would be less.

    I have three kids (6,4, almost 2) though, and a husband who manages a retail store, with hours ALL over the place. I cannot for the life of me find a job that doesn't require some evenings or weekends, all of which I can't apply for, since we have no family in the area to help with the kids. There's no daycare that I've ever found that would take 3 kids evenings and weekends (I certainly wouldn't!) and we wouldn't make enough to pay a babysitter on top of regular daycare costs. So I'm stuck. Even the most recent bank job that I found, for example, required Thursdays and Fridays until 8 and every Saturday. My husband works 1-2 evenings a week, with those days being different every week, and is required to work 3 out of 4 Saturdays and Sundays out the month. It's terrible, and very limiting to what I can do.

    My husband claims he's sick of his job, he wants out of customer service, he wants out of retail, he hates missing out on so much time with his kids. I agree, and have told him I will support him in whatever he decides to pursue - whether it's going back to school, getting a new job, moving somewhere for a new job, whatever. I realize that when I say that, I may be committing myself to another couple years of daycare, depending on what he ends up finding. I think it's worth it, if it will actually make him happy in his career.

    And yet, even though he talks and complains and bitches constantly about his job and how he desperately wants out, he has yet to do anything about it. I search the job ads and various boards every day, and I pass on anything to him that I think may work. He's so far passed up 2 almost-perfect opportunities by not even applying for them, or even writing up a new resume in order to apply. He spends every evening watching baseball, saying he's too tired to write "a whole resume," as if that's so much work. He has talked about going back to college (he has a university degree in criminology, but is not too interested in going into that field) to possibly be a paramedic, and the local college offers the course on weekends. It would be doable if he found a M-F job, and would be a worthwhile choice and one I think he would be good at, but he has yet to do anything about it-he hasn't made calls to check course availability, hasn't looked for a M-F job just to get him through until he's done school, etc. Nothing more that idle talk.

    I'm just so beyond pissed and have no one else to vent to! I've done everything I can to make my job more enjoyable - terminated problem clients, shortened my hours, relaxed my standards on meals a bit, re-done the backyard in order to spend more time outside with the kids - and it's still not enough. I find myself counting the hours until the end of the day, being too short with the kids and especially my own kids, just simply not enjoying this job at all. I hate dealing with parents who think I live to serve them, I hate dealing with children that have been brought up with no rules or discipline, seemingly never having heard the word "no" in their lives, I hate the constant mess and cleanup, and I hate how it seems to be affecting my 4-yr-old son, who is already very challenging, but doesn't seem to be dealing well with having to share more of my time, not just with his sisters, but with 5 other children as well.

    Sorry to unload on you guys, but I need some inspiration on how to light a fire under my husband's butt! I'm going to tell him tonight that he either needs to figure out what he wants to do, whether it's school, a job in this city, a job somewhere else, whatever, and actually do it, or I will go out and find a job that I want and he can support me for a change. I feel like I have taken a backseat ever since my children were born (my oldest was born 2 months after I graduated from university, so I have never been able to use my rather obscure degree that I LOVED getting, but can't really use outside of a much bigger city) and I am sick of taking a backseat to my husband's job when all he does is complain about how much he hates it and doesn't want to be there anymore. If he was working towards something, or absolutely loved what he was doing, then I think it would be worth it, and I would feel like we are a team working towards a goal, but right now I just feel like there's no way out, and he's not doing anything to change that.

    Just needed to vent a bit...I am feeling burnt out and miserable, and he is making it worse instead of making it better. Anybody else figured out how to actually motivate their husband?
    Totally understand your perspective Crazy8. For the last couple of years it seems like the construction industry has been changing. It's been getting very competitive and the rates have been going down. During slow periods hubby may be off for 3 months or more. Hubby tends to basically buy whatever he wants to and doesn't really think about our finances. It was really stressful when our son was working with him too. We were having to lend our son money during the slow periods, not to mention that he co-signed a loan for him to buy a new truck. Thank goodness our son is now working on his own! One less thing to worry about.

    I've also been trying to encourage my husband to start a new business, such as renovating. My hubby is a Mr. Fix-it so he has a lot of options but he's been floor installing for over 20 years and when he is working he does make pretty good money but we really do have to start living within our means!

    He's due to start a big project so hopefully it goes through. In the past, he was due to start a big project so wasn't accepting other jobs and the big project was given to somebody else at the last minute. So kind of on pins and needles until he is actually working on this project.

    Good luck and know that you're not alone in your husband frustration!lol

  6. #15
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    6 Times in 6 Posts
    Right after my husband and I got married, he was laid off. I was working in my former career then and we were living off of 1 income. We both made pretty much the same amount at the time, so it didn't affect us too much. Until we found out we were expecting our first child. The entire pregnancy he would put off getting a job using his University degree, said he wanted to to go back to school. The college program he wanted to take was very specific, which meant we had to move 5 hours away from where we were living. Totally supported him and encouraged him. I went on mat leave, had our beautiful baby and prepared for our short-term move. A month before the move, he admitted he wasn't really looking for a job over the past year, didn't really want to go to school and that we should scrap the idea and stay put. Nope, that wasn't happening. Told him we committed and we would do what we needed to do to make it happen. It was by far the most challenging and trying part of our marriage.

    I knew being laid off took the wind out of his sails and it was stressful to know he had a child to care for. Don't really have any advice, but wanted to share that I truly know how you are feeling. And as I saw someone post recently on Daycare Bear... this too shall pass. Love, love, love that saying. Truer words have never been spoken.

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