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  1. #1
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    Daycare Parent's separation is affecting me

    I have been caring for a child for 2 days a week almost a year an a half. About 2 months ago, the dad told me that he and his wife have separated (and it's ugly ) They have split the custody of the child 50/50, meaning each parent will have the child on full alternating weeks. He asked if i could care for her 4 days a week during his week because The child's grandma (mom's mom) will care for her during the mom's week. In the end it's the same amount of pay per month and days of care. I like the dad and i feel for him because i know he is getting the crappy deal, so i want to work with him, so i said yes we can try it for a little while to see how it will work out (plus she is the cousin of another family i care for so it's really nice that the cousins can all be together). I made sure to mention that if it's not working (if the child has a hard time adjusting to the alternating schedule, or if any issues arrise, etc,) then we will have to re-evaluate the agreement go from there. I made him re-sign a new contract with only his name on it and i put in a new section about separation/divorce (ie- custody agreements, their personal issues, etc)

    Now the mom wants to take the child an extra day on the father's weeks, in the middle of the week. that means that i will also lose her another day, cutting the # of days i care for her, and therefore decreasing my pay. I made it very clear that i do not agree that it's the best case scenario for the child as this alternating schedule is going to be hard on her as it is, on top of how hard her parent's separation is on her. Also, it's not fair to me and my business (but mom doesn't care, because when they were separating, dad suggested that she continue to send the child to me on mom's weeks and keep the schedule as it has always been, but mom said "What do i need her for (referring to me) when i can have my mom watch her for free?". I have reminded him that i have made a lot of exceptions for them since the beginning, i care for the child 2x a week- grandfathered in (my minimum is 3- i charge them a higher part time rate) i do early starts (for an added charge) i do alternating weeks and they are taking up a full time spot and i am only technically paid for part time care---now their personal issues are affecting me and my business. He totally understands where i am coming from, but i know he is in a tough spot- he is a good parent and i don't have issues with him or the child. i want to work with him but if it doesn't work out for my business, then things have to change or they will have to find another daycare provider.

    How would you proceed in this situation? What would you do? Stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

  2. #2
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    parents issues are not your issues. He signed a contract for four days service he pays for that service. I have a set of separated parents, one week dads, one week moms. I only have the kids the dads week. He knows I charge more than normal because I am losing income for the other week. TUFF> you bottom line is what matters to you. Pay and stay or don't and go

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  4. #3
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    If he wants the spot then he needs to pay the 4 days a week, whether he uses all the days or not.

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  6. #4
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    I know easier said than done but dad needs to tell the mom no. It's his week isn't it?

    I would continue to charge dad the 4 days a week and it's up to him and mom to decide who pays for the day the kids aren't with you.

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  8. #5
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    I say sorry you need to pay me for the 4 days a week on your weeks, no exception.

    He gets to use the cost of daycare in his calculations when determining child support anyways and it will go against mom that she has free childcare. Why is mom getting the child on a day on dad's week anyways! Although this really doesn't affect your business.

    Stick to your guns. Your pay should not be affected.

  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by 5 Little Monkeys View Post
    I know easier said than done but dad needs to tell the mom no. It's his week isn't it?

    I would continue to charge dad the 4 days a week and it's up to him and mom to decide who pays for the day the kids aren't with you.
    Oh yes, in this case, it's definitely 'easier said than done', . Mom makes things very difficult, especially when she doesn't get her way (ie make a scene at the park) . Dad is trying to be civil and doesn't want to fight with her but he is always at the losing end. Everyone is telling him to toughen up, stand his ground, stand up for his parental rights, etc.

    Right now, we have the contract for the 4 days every other week and that will remain as is.

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by mickyc View Post
    I say sorry you need to pay me for the 4 days a week on your weeks, no exception.

    He gets to use the cost of daycare in his calculations when determining child support anyways and it will go against mom that she has free childcare. Why is mom getting the child on a day on dad's week anyways! Although this really doesn't affect your business.

    Stick to your guns. Your pay should not be affected.
    It shouldn't affect my business, but it does because she wants to keep the child on a day that i normally watch the her. Dad told the mom that he is paying for 4 days of daycare, and if she wants to take the kid away from daycare, then she has to pay him back for the day she takes the child out. Mom had a fit and said she should not have to pay to spend time with her own kid. Dad wants to re-do the contract for 3 days every other week now, to which i said no because we already signed it for 4 days

  11. #8
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    I don't have anything to add except for good luck! Hopefully they can make things work and not drag you into it.

    Just try to remember personal boundaries and not to let moms [crappy] attitude affect how you act toward her or dcd.

  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2cuteboys View Post
    I don't have anything to add except for good luck! Hopefully they can make things work and not drag you into it.

    Just try to remember personal boundaries and not to let moms [crappy] attitude affect how you act toward her or dcd.
    I hope they do make it work too. A 2 yr old doesn't need crap on top of her parents separating, having 2 houses, and moving between them both every week. As it stands, I very rarely see mom but when i do, i am very civil to her. She is still the child's mother and i have to respect her. As for the little one, i love her, she is a sweetheart.

  13. #10
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    Just be plain..."if you'd like to maintain her space here at my daycare, then you must abide my your contract to pay 4 days/week whether you use those days or not." i'm sorry you're dealing with their fall out

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