2.5 yr old dcg having a difficult time with separation anxiety

[Other Mummy]

I've started a new dcg whose 2.5yr old last week. First day was brutal. She threw up from crying so much. She would cry throughout the day missing mom. Her mom is a nurse and went back to work. Apparently dcg was in a daycare a while ago, but as of late was at home with mom and extended family.

This is week 2 and we are very slowly making minimal progress. She still wails at drop off to the point of throwing up some mornings. She barely eats (she is a very bad eater at home as well and mom has given me formula to supplement, but that is an entirely different thread).

I have to be honest, I cannot stand the mournful cries, the crying in the middle of an activity when she realizes she misses mom. And once 4:00 gets here, she is a mess until 5-5:30 pick up. As soon as mom gets thru the door she is wailing.

I've seen her have fun and get involved playing with the other children, she enjoys crafts, we have a very busy structured program here as well as plenty of free play so I know she isn't bored. But quite honestly, I'm getting tired and my patience is getting thin. I flat out asked her this morning "do you not like coming here? Don't you have fun" she of course said "no". I know this isn't true as I've seen her having fun, but I'm just wondering what the longest transitioning each of you has had. I've never had one this bad. I guess I've been lucky in the last 2 years I've never had a child this upset over staring daycare and the age ranges have been from 18months to 3 years.

Her 2 week trial is ending on Friday and quite honestly, if I wasn't down in numbers I would seriously consider replacing her. She is bringing the other children down with her tears. Ughhh..

Tell me it's going to get better. Should I just ignore her crying and continue on with our day until she comes around?

[Cadillac]

some kids are worse than others. ive had little ones walk in and not even say bye to mom their first day and then Ive had what you had.

Give it a month

I selected a special spot for meltdowns after the second week. it is not time out. just a spot to go and cry when she has to that is out of the way of the other children. then make a huge show of having an AMAZING time with the rest of the kids, because she will be watching. Every few minutes ask her if she is ready to join. she could be there almost all day at times but she will begin to learn to calm herself and start to take interest in what you and the kids are doing

This to shall pass

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with Cadillac. Each child is different and it's so hard to tell when their transition period will finally end.

I send the children to the library to read a book if they are crying just to cry. I don't mind if a child is crying for a reason but like you, my patience is tested when they are crying for no reason that I can see.

It sounds like you have a great program set up so just continue with your daily fun activities and she will hopefully eventually calm down and realize it's okay to have fun at daycare. (I say this because I had one parent who made it worse by saying "once dc is over we can go home and have fun", "mommy missed you, did you miss mommy?" etc...all acceptable things to a parent to say but they don't realize it sorta puts in the child's head that only home is fun and they need to miss mom all the time like mom missed them)

Remember they are young, it's their first time away from familiar and comforting faces and enjoy your breaks when you can get them in!! It will get better

[Lee-Bee]

If you can, I wouldn't give up yet BUT I would tell the family you are extending hte probation periods by 2 more weeks. You feel she will settle in within that time but should she not you will give notice.

If it looks like she may not full settle in another 2 weeks and you feel you won't survive longer than that then make sure it is clear that the probation period is still in play.

2.5yrs is much harder than 12months...at 12months you can easily distract and they forget. At 2.5 they are harder to keep distracted and are more emotional!