Quote Originally Posted by mickyc View Post
Lee-Bee I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I think everyone has given you great advice.

Is your husband still willing to work on things or is he done? Sometimes no matter what you do to try and save a marriage there is no point in dragging out the inevitable. I know that isn't likely something you want to consider but for the sake of your daughter you need to really take a good look at your relationship and where your husband is at. I grew up in a household where the parents stayed together just for the kids and it was a nightmare. As a teen I begged my mom to finally leave and eventually she did. I love both of my parents but they were not meant to be together. Now they are both happy with someone else. It is hard sometimes but so much better than all the fighting and drama.

Don't worry about your families. Now don't take this the wrong way but as a child who grew up in a dysfunctional family I personally would not want my child kept in your care while all this was taking place anyways. You cannot devote the time and attention to the children and they will all feel the turmoil that is taking place. Not something as a parent would want my child to be a part of (something I try very hard in my marriage to not subject my own child to).

If your husband does not already have one foot out the door then I think it is a great idea to quit daycare, sell your supplies, and rent out your basement to pay down your loan. What about the option of only taking on a few children or even go to before/after school only? I too don't spend much time outside of daycare hours doing daycare things.

Also what is your husband doing to help the situation? Is he helping you around the house, with your daughter to give you time to be together. Or is he expecting you to be superwoman?
Over the last few months we've tried to make some changes to shift responsibilities some, but clearly not enough. My husband does help out, likely more so than most dads but with that comes the added pressure of him being a neat freak so needing the house cleaner than most etc. I can't meet that while working full time.

I don't yet know if he is fully checked out or not. Trying to figure that out. I took some insight from previous posts and just had a talk with him. I basically said that I don't understand how 'separating' helps to determine if he wants to be married or not but that I was not willing to give up on our marriage so I would comply with his need to separate, I will wait for him to figure out if he wants to put the effort in to trying to use every resource available to us to make this work or whether he wants to get a divorce and be done. I made it clear that I was not willing to give up but that I can't make things change if he isn't doing his share, meaning he needs to want to.

We'll see. I will take my daughter to visit family as planned, then return with her and I will set up home in the basement for a bit while he "thinks while separated'. I will provide childcare for him on his weeks of custody in exchange for living here with no rent (I have no income). Once he makes up his mind I will either move out or move back upstairs and will likely then rent out the basement to bring in some income so I can stay home and shift my time to being a mom/wife/housekeeper.

Hopefully with us being gone a week he clears his head and figures it out. I was in flight mode wanting out of here with a clean cut with everything all planned out asap. But I now realize that not only is that just no going to happen but that he does need time to figure things out on his end first. So I shall sit around and wait...oh joy. But, it's in the best interest of our daughter.

Part of this is escalated by the fact that his home growing up was more or less similar to yours. His parents divorced when he was a teenager but they clearly never were meant to be together and his mom and sister are controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive/draining. SO, he is extra, extra, extra sensitive to not being loved and understood and all that. SO I get why he is crumbing because things have just been to busy with not only having a baby but a daycare in the mix. BUT...in my opinion we have a child we are no longer just 2 adults that can split and go off to be happier (cause that ever happens) we need to do what we can for our daughters sake before we decide to divorce. I do not believe we need to divorce. We need a major shift so we can reset priorities. I frankly would sell the house and move into a 1 room condo so we can devote all time and energy to fixing things before I would just up and divorce. but he said he is too proud to sell his home. I explained I didn't mean we had to sell the house...but that we need to be willing to make some scarifies here (my income) etc. ok rambling...need to go wipe up my yogurt covered toddler.