Support please

[SecondAve]

What a week you have had to say the least! Sending big hugs your way.

I am wondering something. Why do you feel the need to leave your family home? Why can't your husband leave if he decides a separation is what he wants. You want to work on the marriage and stay the course, so why would you and your daughter need to find a new home?

I guess it is my legal background coming forward, but technically you are entitled to half of the matrimonial home and assets. He could buy you out of the house, should he so choose and then you could use the money to pay off your student loans. I am not meaning to sound harsh, but why does everything need to fall solely on your shoulders.

It is respectful that you are willing to put in the effort to save your marriage, I 100% would do the same. But if he ultimately decides not to, then he does have his own accountability, including financially.

I agree with the comment to take things slow and not make any rash decisions... including leaving the home. There are certain repercussions that could happen if you do that.

All the best.

p.s. So happy to hear that you have some of your peace returned knowing that you have options.

[cfred]

Lee Bee...first, let me say how sorry I am you're going through this. Separation is awful. I'm divorced now for 13 years. I hope your plans of holding your family together will work out for you and I remember trying so hard to do the same thing. Should it not pan out, let me tell you that everything will be fine. It's scary as hell at first, but once you have your track, no matter which way it goes, you'll get focus and come out alright on the other end. Please, as one nurturer to another, please don't bend yourself into a pretzel to appease your husband to make it work. It's a joint effort. If you don't see your efforts being reciprocated, pay attention to that.

And...now to be a complete killjoy....but I'm concerned about the fact that you're leaving the family home. Is your child going to remain living at the marital home? Please reconsider this idea. I was advised very strongly by my attorney that this was a very bad idea and could jeopardize my ability to retain custody of my children, should things go south....which despite my best efforts, they did. Please don't be offended and I understand what you're trying to do in the best interests of your marriage. However, the fact that he's asked for a separation, to me, says that you may need to consider your own best interests as well, just in case you're not both on the same page through this whole journey.