Lower ratio = less work?

[daycaremom9]

Hi Ladies,

I'm looking for some insight here. Some of you might remember my posts a few weeks back about how I closed up my daycare (on the spot) in an attempt to save my marriage when my husband said he wanted a separation. He had been completely ignored and neglected since my opening the daycare some 7 months prior (and to some degree since our child was born 17months ago).

Since closing up the daycare we've been doing couples therapy, we've been making huge gains and are spending a good amount of time both talking through our problems and going out on dates to resume some normalcy of life past.

Things are totally heading in the right direction, we have a vacation planned together (and our daughter) next week and many more therapy sessions booked etc.

What the biggest issue for me in moving forward is work. I will not do home daycare again because it clearly was not something that I can do while still having the time and energy I need for my family and husband and household. We are doing fine on one income but I have a strong need to be financially independent (I still have OSAP to pay off and I occasionally need to buy myself something whether it be clothes or a chocolate bar or whatever). My husband makes good money and can sustain our lifestyle on his own but he has the need for me to be able to pay for my own chocolate bars and clothes and for my own personal costs. He is fine paying for all costs for our daughter and house and all that.

So, I need to figure out what to do. ALL my education, experience and passion has ALWAYS been for working with children. But, working with children is just so emotionally draining that I can't do that right now. Not while our daughter is young. I don't know what to do. If I try to work part time I need to have childcare for my daughter...and the costs of that just don't make sense when I wouldn't be bringing in much money. The added stress of the daycare and all that just doesn't seem worth it. Plus, I'd end up in a job that I really have ZERO interest in since all my experience and passion is with children.

So...all that aside, my main question here is. Is it easier, less exhausted, less emotionally draining and all that to care for ONE daycare child in addition to my own child? I was previously caring for a total of 5 full-time kids (all under 20months). With my daycare it was completely separate from our living space so I was working 10hr days outside of the home...then doing 1-2 hours of daycare stuff after hours (meal prep, clean up, planning etc etc).

Is it easier to care for one more child up in our main house. Have some tv time, have them free play and self entertain and essentially 'baby sit'. Would I be able to do some house keeping, cooking and all that with 2 toddlers?

I am weary of making this move as I don't want to end up back where I was with the daycare...working endless hours and being so stressed and exhausted that I disconnected from my husband. But, I don't know how to move ahead as I can't really predict what it would be like.

Does this seem like a viable option? I feel like might would free me up to do all the 'house' stuff during the day. I would have only 2 kids so can use the car to go do groceries, go on playdates with my friends (who I hadn't seen when the daycare opened)...can have friends over for playdates etc. Obviously this would all be clearly discussed with the daycare families before they start. Their child would not be in daycare but would rather be here with me and my daughter as we go about life.

I think a HUGE factor of where I screwed up the first time through was I ran my daycare as completely separate from the house meaning I was working out of the home 60hrs a week, running my own business, with 5 young toddlers that I tried to give all my energy and emotion to. That left me to have to do all the house stuff, life stuff etc outside of daycare hours...but with a child of my own there just were not enough hours. I realize now that I am not capable of that. I just struggle with wondering how different it is to have less kids and to be actually in my home while watching them.

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Oh my gosh, I would be exhausted as well with that many children under the age of 20 months. Maybe it would be better to care for a couple of kids over the age of say 2 1/2. I couldn't imagine watching that many young children (babies really) and having my own as well.when my children were young I worked part-time out of the home and even at that I was tired. I started my daycare when my kids were almost out of school. Perhaps you could nanny a couple of kids, that tends to pay better than "babysitting".

[daycaremom9]

You sound a lot like I felt when our children were little but I think it was more me feeling like I wasn't contributing than my hubby making me feel that way. Now we've been married 28 years and we drive each other crazy at times but are very happily married. I now believe that I made a huge contribution to our lives together. It sounds like finances aren't an issue so could it be you put all this pressure on yourself unnecessarily?

[Crayola kiddies]

Lee bee I'll take the cook if you don't want it ..... As long as she does the grocery shopping too !!!

[playfelt]

How is your husband with your daughter in terms of taking care of her say one evening a week if you were to find a job - anything even babysitting which in some places is $7-10 an hour with no deductions. That would at least give you the spending money.

Glad that things are working out so far and hopefully in future sessions with the therapist you can address where you stand in all of the plans in terms of what part of keeping the household going is your responsibility and what is shared and what are the expectations as in determine with the therapist's help what are reasonable expectations.

As far as low ratio goes a lot would still be the same unless you were maybe taking only one other child same age as your own as a playmate and then visits to playgroup would save house mess some days, etc. You could also consider applying as a nanny in someone else's home and they often will let you bring your own child with you. Yes it means not being home but at the same time if you are gone from the home all day it isn't going to get dirty in the way it did when you did daycare.

[AcornsFalling]

I think that having one child, who is a good fit for your daughter, will be wonderful for you. They will play together and you will be able to get all your chores done during the day. Two little ones is certainly manageable to take out to do errands and shopping too.
I have my own two children and two others that I care for and I am able to get most of my chores done during the day. I don't do errands with the four of them but I definitely would if I had just two. Combine it with a stop at the park on the way home and the parents will be happy too.

[Rachael]

Personally, I think one day care child or 6 makes no difference. Day care operating hours are the same regardless of the number present - and I have day care hours which I don't extend.

Just throwing a completely different idea out there..have you considered before and after school children only? Of course, shorter hours of care means lower income but it doesn't sound like the income level is a concern, more so the need to have independent funds.

If you think that would better suit you, determine your opening time for drop off, determine your closing time for pick up and don't be afraid to decline potential clients who want/need care outside of those hours. Depending on the hours your local school starts and finishes, it might mean working 4-5 hours a day tops, which leaves you time for your own child/your household responsibilities, and then once they leave at the end of the day, it's just your family time again. You might find the reduced hours would be less stressful.

Just throwing that out there as an idea.

[Secondtimearound]

That's a great idea ! Here before and after care is $375-450 a month !

[Lee-Bee]

Personally, I think one day care child or 6 makes no difference. Day care operating hours are the same regardless of the number present - and I have day care hours which I don't extend.

Just throwing a completely different idea out there..have you considered before and after school children only? Of course, shorter hours of care means lower income but it doesn't sound like the income level is a concern, more so the need to have independent funds.

If you think that would better suit you, determine your opening time for drop off, determine your closing time for pick up and don't be afraid to decline potential clients who want/need care outside of those hours. Depending on the hours your local school starts and finishes, it might mean working 4-5 hours a day tops, which leaves you time for your own child/your household responsibilities, and then once they leave at the end of the day, it's just your family time again. You might find the reduced hours would be less stressful.

Just throwing that out there as an idea.

I did consider the idea of before and after care...but it seemed like more work than taking on one child the same age as my daughter (18months). While it meant I had the middle of the day free it meant getting up early to get the before care going and being open later for after care. I wasn't really keen on that right now. But I do wonder if I will move into that next school year when my daughter is a bit older and will enjoy being with the older kids.

I had one of my old daycare families very keen to have me care for their child 3 days a week, I'll only be open 8-4:30 (8.5 instead of my old 10hr days) and they are providing a new car seat for me. So we will go out to library and playgroups and run errands. They will both nap in afternoon and the 2 girls were very good independent players and got along great (as great as 2 toddlers could). So I am pretty confident it will work out. I am excited to have less work load but still have a friend come for my daughter...who is very social. The family was great to work with in the past and are very receptive to my recommendations etc so I feel it is a good family to continue care with. The family knows it is no longer daycare but rather family care...so relaxed, informal days. I will be free to get some stuff done around the house when the kids play etc.

Hopefully it works out.

On a side note, things are going really well here. We've made great progress already with counselling. We just went on vacation (he travelled for work and took us then we went to a resort for 3 nights). We have made huge changes here at home in regards to who does what (shifting a lot of childcare to him and clarifying expectations).

I am doing great, feeling much more human and capable of my roles now that my focus is back to being mom and wife and not business owner (caregiver of 5 under 20months), mom and wife.

Lots of stuff to continue working on but we've made great strides already :-)

I would out playing on the driveway with my daughter today when a neighbor stopped to say hi...she asked where the daycare kids were. When I told her I close the daycare...she said good for me. Enjoy my family etc. it felt good to hear.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Awesome to hear that things are going well! Good luck to you