Nap/Quiet Time AND sharing

[Heather4]

Hi there! Newto the forum!
Was wondering what everyone did for nap/quiet time. I have 3 children that are all approx 2 years old. They all NEED a nap.
I have a boy that is new (3rd week) and doesn't take it so well. How long do you leave them to cry normally before getting them? He will eventually fall asleep but I feel bad :homy: Today he probably cried for a full hour all together. Not at once though. I tried rubbing his back and just sticking close so he'd settle but I have things I need to do too.

Also,
I'm in need some activity ideas for sharing. I have one little girl in particular that is always saying "Mine" whether something is in her hand or whether she left it and played with it like 2 hours ago!! Grrr. She is mean about it too. She is a pusher, biter and hitter. Very hard to handle. And won't apologize either. How would you handle this?
I've worked in daycares for a long time and haven't come across a child that has been so harsh. I think it bugs me more since it's my own daughter that gets the brunt of her biting, hitting and pushing.

[5 Little Monkeys]

If a child is saying "mine", I let them know that it is actually a daycare toy and it is "5LM's toy" and I want all my friends to share it or it will have to go away. Now the kids tell each other that it's a dc toy or 5LM's toy and I very rarely hear "mine" anymore!

Pushing, biting and hitting are all things that would result in a time out here. I have had one child who time out didn't work for so I would took away something she loved. In her case, it was the pink chair. I have two green and two pink and if she wasn't behaving nicely she didn't get to sit in the pink chair. It worked MUCH better than time outs were working.

I don't make the kids apologize. I encourage it and teach them when it's appropriate to be said but I don't force it. A forced apology means nothing in my eyes. I will say something like "xxx that is not nice behaviour. It would be nice if you apologized to xxx for doing yyyy" and than leave it as is. If they apologize, great! If not, it will come in time!

[mickyc]

I completely agree with everything 5LM's said. I too have a "mine" child. I also say no it is not your toy it is my toy and if you don't share I will take it away. I don't really make the kids "share" so to speak. They have to wait until the other child is finished with it and then they get it. There is nothing that drives me crazy more than a child who wants something just because someone else has it. A child who has a specific toy should not be forced to hand it over (share) with another child just because the other child wants it. They are kids, they usually don't play with something long and as soon as they are done with it (usually leave it on the floor) it is fair game.

As for the child crying. I say leave him to CIO. It will take some time but he will learn nap time means nap time. I don't rub any kids backs. Just put them in bed and leave. If they get up I go in and put them back down and repeat if necessary. They need to learn to self soothe.

[Rachael]

How long do you leave them to cry normally before getting them?...I tried rubbing his back...

I let them cry it out. That said, we are very active in the day care and so I know they are tired come nap time. Yes, it's hard but if consistent, they do learn to self-settle and it's not usually more than three days before they get it. I will add that this works better for full-time children vs those who spend more time at home. I won't cuddle, rock or rub backs to settle a child. Since I can't do that for 6, I don't do it for one. Sooner or later they will have to learn to settle at nap time so IMO this just delays the inevitable need to just settle down by themselves.

Also, I'm in need some activity ideas for sharing. I have one little girl in particular that is always saying "Mine" whether something is in her hand or whether she left it and played with it like 2 hours ago!! .... She is a pusher, biter and hitter. Very hard to handle. And won't apologize either. How would you handle this?

When I have had children with the 'mine' mentality, as others have said, I state that the toys here are mine. They are welcome to use them but they have to take turns. Smaller children don't really share a toy jointly but more so play beside each other and take turns with a given toy. If I see one child is hoarding a particular toy that another is waiting for, I tell them that in 5 mins, it will be the other child's turn to use it.
I have had one little boy who used to try and keep all the cars to himself by scooping them into his lap or tucking them under his legs. For those instances, where there are many cars, I would say that two is the max since they only have two hands, so they need to pick which two they want to play with and let the other children play with the rest.

In terms of the biting, pushing, hitting - that's a complete no-tolerance here. It's an instant time out. I rarely give time outs so if someone is in the time out chair, they know it's serious.

For those children who have repeatedly hurt their peers, this is what I do.

Step 1 - Speak directly to the parents and inform them that this has to be resolved jointly and promptly as you have a responsibility to all children in your care. They must take this seriously because if he's doing this at home and they are just saying "ouch, don't do that' it's not effective or if they treat it as a joke.

Step 2 - Watch the biter really closely and be ready to intervene the second he thinks about biting. No need to wait until he's actually done it if you can see if coming.

Step 3 - Move fast, and swoop the biter up and pop him straight into time out. The speed at which you move, is key. As carer's we rarely scoop a child up promptly and plop them down without first having issued a few verbal cues or corrections. When we normally place a child in time out, it's after them being reminded not to do the offensive action, whatever that might be, a few firm "no"s and so lots of communication before the harshest of actions - the time out/exclusion period.

When you move fast, with no verbal warning, and no communication, a child really takes notice of that because it's so unusual.

Once in time out, don't speak to them, don't make eye contact, don't smile.

Biters often do it for attention - and even the negative attention of being told off or spoken to is still attention. The swift movement, exclusion, lack of eye contact, lack of speech, is the polar opposite of attention. BUT you have to do it every time and they have to be able to sense you are really ticked at them and displeased.

I've had a lot of success with this method of ending various unwanted but serious habits that potentially affect other children in the day care. That said, I rarely give a time out so if I was to scoop a child up and put them on the time out chair especially not having issued a couple of verbal warning first about being gentle, then they know it's serious.

[Crayola kiddies]

Let him CIO and don't go in as it usually escalates them ..... Put him to bed shut the door and walk away go back when nap time is over and it won't take long for him to figure it out ...

When a child here says mine when they are playing with a toy that another child is trying to snatch I say actually its mine and in 5 minutes you have to let someone else have a turn if they are hoarding toys or are saying mine to a toy they are not playing with then they get told it's not theirs and xxxx is allowed to have a turn.

[Heather4]

Thanks so much all!
The last couple weeks I have let him CIO which hasn't been too bad. He sleeps at the bottom of the stairs in my rec room with another little girl (The biter) and I really didn't want her to wake up but after yesterday I realize she kinda sleeps like a rock. lol All my other LO's have gone to sleep much easier for me. He can CIO from now on. I was feeling a tad guilty but he still needs to learn our routine.

I def give time outs for hitting or anything like that. Usually I use the corner but I'm thinking of designating a chair from now on. I intervene a lot too but I can only do that for so long and then I have to make lunch, do potty time, etc…
She is a TERRIBLE teether and her mom and I have noticed that this is when her behaviour gets like this. There was a horrible day last week where it was so bad I ended up putting her in the highchair where she couldn't get out and hurt anyone. She spent about 1/2 hour there. I couldn't cook lunch otherwise. Her mom is great and we really work together on it. She also has a sibling arriving within the next month or so. Her "mine" world is about to come crashing down on her. I hope she isn't nasty to this baby.