Just a Vent.........

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

So...this is truly a small fly in the garden of life, but it's bothering me more than I thought it would so I figured I would "let it out" here - where I know folks will "get it" LOL I have cared for "E" for three years now. She came to me as a 10 month old when her Mum went back to work after her mat leave, and her last day was this past Friday. She's off to kindergarten. I am very excited for her, and I did what I do for every child who leaves my care - I throw a small party and give the child a small gift. I realize that it is not "right" (?) to expect a card/note thanking you when a child leaves your care - and to say that I was expecting one would be the wrong sentiment. It did leave a sad feeling in my gut though when the parents picked their child up that night, and left for the last time. Nothing - not an e-mail, not a verbal thank you - nothing. After three years - every birthday has been celebrated, (party and gift) every milestone celebrated, and every Christmas feted. Without blowing my own horn - I am an excellent caregiver. I run a fantastic program, and I do a lot of extra things here (photography, Memory Books) - in part to help the parents feel that they are not missing out on their little ones early years. Not even a thank you ? This is the kind of stuff that makes it so much easier to not give a damn about these kids. I know a lady who is also a caregiver and she refers to her daycare clients as "paycheques" - maybe she's on to something. *End of rant*

[5 Little Monkeys]

I totally understand what you mean! I too give birthday gifts, christmas gifts, going away gifts and treat bags for almost every holiday in between. I spend a lot of money on my daycare and the children and their families. I do it because I love giving gifts and I really don't do it expecting to get a gift back but I would be lying if I said I don't expect at least a "thank you"...that to me is just common courtesy and it's rude when they don't IMO.

Fortunately, I have only had a few who didn't say thank you along the way. I don't need/expect a gift but a thank you is appreciated! Oh well, I know the kids enjoyed coming here and loved their gifts and the hugs they gave me were very much appreciated. Hopefully their parent's bad manners don't transfer onto them!

[Rachael]

I guess this is one of those glass-half-empty or glass-half-full situations where how you feel about it will change based on what you focus on.

You did your job. You did it well. You did it to the best of your abilities which is likely above other providers. You were thoughtful and made sure during the child's time, she learned and was loved. But you did your job and you were paid for it, so feeling disappointed that it wasn't acknowledged further verbally or by gift on her last day, is just how you are choosing to see it.

Instead focus on the pleasure when you do get an unexpected additional acknowledgement vs feeling upset/sad when you don't.

[mickyc]

Ok gonna say it - I expect it - something, not necessarily a gift but a card at least. It floors me that parents can be so inconsiderate.

I had a family who I bent over backwards for after a very unfortunate incident. I gave them a reduced rate because of their circumstances and after a few years of catering to this family they ended up giving their 2 week notice right before summer break. I had already filled their spot for September as I knew they were going to school but was not expecting to loose them before summer, they didn't even have the decency to tell me their plans knowing full well I filled the spot already for september. No gift, no thank you card, no thank you even! I was so ticked.

I feel ya! These days people give gifts to their hairdressers, tip their waitresses and pay big money for an evening babysitter. Get a coffee every morning, eat out constantly but can't even take the time to write out a nice thank you to the person who cared for their child more hours in a week than they did.

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

Ok gonna say it - I expect it - something, not necessarily a gift but a card at least. It floors me that parents can be so inconsiderate.

I had a family who I bent over backwards for after a very unfortunate incident. I gave them a reduced rate because of their circumstances and after a few years of catering to this family they ended up giving their 2 week notice right before summer break. I had already filled their spot for September as I knew they were going to school but was not expecting to loose them before summer, they didn't even have the decency to tell me their plans knowing full well I filled the spot already for september. No gift, no thank you card, no thank you even! I was so ticked.

I feel ya! These days people give gifts to their hairdressers, tip their waitresses and pay big money for an evening babysitter. Get a coffee every morning, eat out constantly but can't even take the time to write out a nice thank you to the person who cared for their child more hours in a week than they did.

Thanks Mickey - that just about sums it up. I appreciate what another provider said about trying to view the glass as half full, but (sorry) I'm just not feeling it. To me the lack of a thank you to your caregiver after three years is just plain rude.

[bright sparks]

I hear ya. It is rude, flat out no excuse for no thank you on their last day. I like cards, and gifts, but it is not fair for me to expect that of others. I'd rather a heartfelt conversation showing their gratitude at the door rather than something that was bought for me out of obligation or just because that's social practice of gratitude....materia listic BS if you ask me. If I am disappointed for no card or present that's on me. I shouldn't expect anything of another person when it comes to a card or a gift. No expectation, no disappointment. It's the total lack of respect and acknowledgement that narks me off. Words cost nothing yet can have such a huge impact. So the lack of any kind of acknowledgement of gratitude stings a little when we have gone above and beyond.

I just had a boy leave when his mom went on mat leave after being with me a year. He had loads of issues with sleeping at home and a major dairy intolerance. Mom asked me constantly for advice which I gave and she never took it but continued to moan. I see this as part of my job though and I did set boundaries and stop giving advice which eventually worked in her stopping moaning because she got no attention from me. I was not going above and beyond my job that she was paying for. As a caregiver my job is to support the parent and vice versa. It is in the child's best interest. Everything was done during regular business hours regardless of whether or not she followed up on it. She didn't owe me anything. Why should she spend money on me for a card and a gift? She shouldn't, she paid for her service and she got just that. A card and a gift would have been lovely, but that's my train of thought and in no way something she should do. Her lack of thank you on the last day felt like a slap in the face because in the absence of gratitude it makes me feel like she took me for granted and what I did, but at the end of the day, we can't control others, only ourselves and our responses to others. I didn't dwell on it and get all annoyed because at the end of the day it's only going to annoy me, not anyone else, and I have way bigger things more deserving of my attention to bother with than this kind of thing. Maybe it just comes with time and experience to, I don't know. I try to let it go, so I don't set myself up for future disappointments and paint everyone else with the same brush. One of my pet hates is bad manners and that's what irritates me more than anything, but people like that aren't worth my attention, so whatever.

[SillyGirl_C]

Yes it is a business. But a very personal one that can last a long time before it naturally ends. A thank you is not too much to ask for and shame on those parents who forget.

I am a parent and I pay very good money for my child to be in exemplary care. I adore the photos, art projects, group event and extras....and I know they are extra. I try to remember that my daughter is as smart and wonderful as she is because she has a great team around her... And I try very hard to make sure her teachers know that I notice the things she's learned from them.

What I am trying to say is...Thank You too all great caregivers. The world will be a better place because you have nurtured these children... To the parents who fail to absorb the significance of the child / caregiver relationship, may your child remind you as they talk about their happy memories.

[superfun]

That is a very nice post! Thank you for that.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with superfun! Your dcprovider is just as lucky to have you as you are to have her! I love when parents and dcprovider's appreciate each other and let it be known Your daughter is so blessed to being raised by you two (and many others I'm sure!)