Is this normal for a two-year-old boy?

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Good morning everyone!

I've got two new children who just started in my day care, and they are the same age -- just turned two. One is a little girl and one is a little boy. They could not be more different. The little girl is very busy, very interactive and talkative. She loves to do crafts, colour, etc. She interacts well with the other children. The little boy, on the other hand, is nothing like this.

Every morning when he gets dropped off he cries -- just a few minutes, and then he stops, so this is not what is concerning. But then, while the other children have free-play time after breakfast while I get the craft ready, he just falls asleep on the couch. I wake him up in time for snack, and he won't even touch anything. He seems to need me to feed him, and won't even pick up graham crackers -- instead he tries to lick the peanut butter/jam topping off of them. When I ask him to pick them up with his hands he just looks at me blankly -- in fact, a blank look is all I ever get from him. I've had him for three weeks and he has only smiled at me once. Other than that he just looks blank. He doesn't participate in crafts and activities -- even if it's just scribbling, he just won't do it. I'll show him how to hold the crayon and scribble, but as soon as I stop doing it for him he just sits there looking blankly while the other children colour and do their crafts, etc.

I only accept children ages 2+ into my licensed home day care because I want it to be more of a preschool situation -- with lots of learning activities but still lots of play. But he doesn't even really play -- just sits there.

Is this normal for a two year old boy? My daughter (three now) was not at all like this at two, and neither is the other girl I look after. I feel like this boy is not really getting much at the day care, and am wondering if the spot should go to a child that is willing/able to interact with the children and take part in the activities. I don't mean to seem harsh -- what do you all think?

[SevenwatersDaughter]

I just re-read and it seems like every morning's snack is graham crackers with jam and peanut butter -- not so, that's just what we had today haha.

[Rachael]

It's not normal as such but it's not uncommon.

I find too many parents baby their children, especially their first ones. I've seen 4 year olds being carried from the car on my driveway to my front door and then had the parent try and pass the child to me. I'm not carrying a four-year old and often say, put him on the ground and he can walk into the playroom.

Lots of little ones come not being able to do the basics - hold a bottle, pick up food and put in their own mouths, it's frustrating for sure.

[Lee-Bee]

Can you ask very direct questions about his activity level and amounts of sleep home?

I wonder if he could have a low thyroid or low iron which is making him zombie like. If he seems to be just as sluggish and distant at home I would strongly suggest some blood work to rule that out.

If he isn't like that at home then it may just be he isn't adjusting well to the group setting and is retreating as his coping mechanism.

[AmandaKDT]

Yes I agree with Lee Bee, sounds like you need to have a talk with the parents. 3 weeks is more than long enough for a child to be adjusting to your home and coming out of any shyness to a new environment. The falling asleep is concerning too. One of my dcg's was falling asleep in her food at lunch time and a trip to the doctor found she had low iron.

[SevenwatersDaughter]

I'm wondering how I should phrase this. How does this sound?

Mom picks up child.

"I've noticed that these past few weeks since he started Nelson (fake name) has been very quiet and doesn't interact much. He often seems very tired. Does he sleep well at home?"

Wait for answer.

"Oh, I see. He doesn't really participate in any of the activities or crafts that we do, and I'm wondering if you have any idea of what could be going on?"

It's a fine line -- I don't want to seem like I'm saying there's anything wrong with the child, but Lee-Bee is right, he is a total zombie!

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Maybe I should text her? I wouldn't normally but I never know if it's her or her ex-husband who is picking him up at the end of the day -- or I could text her and tell her I need to talk to her about "Nelson".

[Lee-Bee]

Such a difficult thing to bring up. Maybe try asking what he is like at home versus what he does with you to start.

"I'm curious what "nelson's" energy level is at home, is he an active child? How are his sleeping patterns? When is nelson most active with you on the weekend? Mention that he drifts off in the mornings and you are wondering if that is due to lack of sleep or a late bedtime/early wake up.

Say it concerns you because you knew another little guy that seemed similar in activity level and it turned out his iron was really low and once the doctor identified that the child was lively and more interactive. Pretend you knew a kid if you don't lol.

Keep your comments factual. Such as...he isn't keeping up with the other children.

[Busy ECE mommy]

Are you sure there aren't any developmental red flags going on? Does he make eye contact or have any repetitive behaviours? How well does he communicate with you or peers? Could be lethargic for mineral deficiencies, but a child with no smiles and blank looks concerns me. Does his hearing seem o.k.? Can he follow some directions, or doesn't comprehend at all? Keep an eye on his expressive and receptive language abilities, and how he relates to peers, and explores the toys. Perhaps he's a terrible sleeper at night at home, but keep your eyes open.

[Lee-Bee]

I wouldn't text. If you won't see her at the end of day either call and talk to her. Or email where you can explain it. If I were the parent of a child new in daycare and got a text saying' I need to talk to you about your child' I'd worry about what you need to talk about and assume the worse!!!