She wants to put off my full payment -- should I say yes just this one time?

[SevenwatersDaughter]

Greetings, daycare mamas! I hope everyone is having a lovely autumn day.

I got a call just now from the mother of an almost-two-year-old boy that I look after. I've been looking after him for about four weeks now, so he is still on his trial period for the rest of the week.

I get paid two weeks in advance, every second Monday. So this coming Monday is when parents would pay me for the next two weeks. I have a $20/day late fee policy which is very clearly laid out in my Parent's Handbook.

Well, the boy's mom called me this morning (I don't know why she didn't just ask when she dropped him off an hour ago) from her work, asking me if she can wait until next Friday to pay me (instead of Monday). She said that it's because her power got shut off because she couldn't afford to pay it, and because her son's birthday is tomorrow and she needs to use the money for that.

A friend of mine who knows her told me she is going through a pretty brutal divorce right now, so I feel for her. It can't be easy, and she's got two other boys in school already. I want to help her out, but at the same time, I have bills to pay too, and I count on getting all my payments on the same day so that I can budget things properly and stay organized, plus pay my own bills.

Should I a.) allow her to pay me the full payment on Friday and tell her not to worry about the late fees this time, or b.) don't allow it, and if she doesn't pay me on time, charge her the $20/day late fee or c.) insist that she pay at least half on Monday and the other half on Friday -- and if she doesn't pay by Friday, tell her I won't take her son until she pays the rest?

I'm a Christian woman, and charity is important to me. So is being loving to others. But at the same time, I'm running a business - I'm a licensed home day care and this is my sole means of income (yes I have a husband who makes good money but he doesn't pay my phone bill, and I like to contribute with groceries, my daughter's RESP, my own savings account, and I have car insurance and payments, etc.).

Thoughts? Thanks in advance, everyone!

[mickyc]

First of all take your heart out of it!! Business is business. Do your charity work outside of your business. I realize that things are tough but her problems are not YOUR problems. My pay is my pay and I don't care what is happening at your home. If you do it for her you will forever be chasing your money. Don't do it!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with the others. I can be flexible with other things but payment is not one of them. Just as she needs to pay her hydro bill you have bills of your own. If she doesn't understand that she is not a parent I would want in my daycare. Maybe she should tell her story to the power company and see what they say? A daycare bill is no less important than any other one and it's on her (not you!) to budget for it.

Also, I know parties can be expensive but it sounds like she has her priorities in the wrong order. A 2 year old would be perfectly fine with a party that has nothing more than a homemade baked cake, a dollar store book and lots of hugs and kisses from family. Unless you only charge $5, that excuse wouldn't sit well with me. If you have the finances by all means throw an elaborate party but don't tell me you can't pay your dc bill because your having a party.

[Rachael]

I get paid two weeks in advance, every second Monday. So this coming Monday is when parents would pay me for the next two weeks. I have a $20/day late fee policy which is very clearly laid out in my Parent's Handbook.

Awesome - This late penalty is just for instances like this - something she agreed to. But a contact is only effective if you enforce it. Absolutely, for this one off time, she can pay you late and as she knows, the penalty for doing so, is $20/day. If she doesn't want to pay the penalty, then she needs to pay on time. Simple.

Well, the boy's mom called me this morning (I don't know why she didn't just ask when she dropped him off an hour ago) from her work, asking me if she can wait until next Friday to pay me (instead of Monday). She said that it's because her power got shut off because she couldn't afford to pay it, and because her son's birthday is tomorrow and she needs to use the money for that.

This is a sob story. She's playing on your heart strings. She hasn't considered that you not being paid might mean your power gets shut off or your child missing out on a birthday gift. It is not your job to financially support your clients. Make that message clear for the beginning or this will be an on-going issues.

"Although I fully empathise with your situation, I too have bills that are due plus I need to buy groceries/supplies for your child as well as my own."

How would she feel if her employer told her that her salary wasn't being paid because the company had an unexpected expense but not to worry, she'll get it later in the week?

A friend of mine who knows her told me she is going through a pretty brutal divorce right now, so I feel for her. It can't be easy, and she's got two other boys in school already. I want to help her out.....

Don't! You have known this woman for 4 weeks. If you had a new neighbour would you work 50+ hours a week for them and also help them out with their bills? No, of course you wouldn't. This isn't your best friend for over 20 years going through a hard time - it's a client trying to pass her financial woes onto you. She is trying to make her lack of funds, your issue. Don't allow that.

Should I a.) allow her to pay me the full payment on Friday and tell her not to worry about the late fees this time,

No, no, no, no, no. If you aren't prepared to respect and enforce your own contract, why would this client respect it. Will she bring a sick child next week because she can't afford a day off? Will payment be late at Christmas because she has that to plan for? If you are crazy enough to permit the late payment - you must apply the late fee as per your contract. But this is not the way I'd go. No fees = no care.

or b.) don't allow it, and if she doesn't pay me on time, charge her the $20/day late fee

Ding, ding, ding - winner, winner. Do not ever allow a client to think that payment on time is optional. Don't allow them to think that a sob story is all it takes to delay your payment. Be clear - fees are always due on due date. And you will charge her the late fee if not paid on time. But don't allow this to go on and on or be a regular occurrence.

or c.) insist that she pay at least half on Monday and the other half on Friday -- and if she doesn't pay by Friday, tell her I won't take her son until she pays the rest?

Don't negotiate for your own fees! Don't offer payment plans! Don't make it easier for someone not to pay you when your fees are due. Every single time she hits a financial issue, you will be the default for non-payment.

I sympathise, I really do. It's clear this client is struggling financially and I know what that's like with a young family. However, there a some bills she won't consider putting off such as mortgage or rent - and you need to ensure you are seen as one of those non-negotiable bills. If she thinks you are willing to wait for fees this time, next time she's struggling, she will expect you to wait again. You can't plan for your own expenses this way so make it clear from the beginning that you will never be one of the bills which are delayed.

[Wonderwiper]

While I agree with others that it's not your problem she can't pay her bills, I personally would have no problem trying to work with the parent to come up with a solution. Maybe she could switch to paying weekly if 2 weeks at a time is hard for her to budget? As long as it's always in advance you would still be receiving the same amounts. Never provide care without pre payment!!

I understand your feelings of wanting to be charitable can make dealing with these situations difficult for you. You have to come up with a plan that you feel comfortable with. As she is a fairly new client you are right to be wary of this becoming an ongoing problem. If you do decide to allow her to pay late, make sure to stand firm and never let it happen again.

[superfun]

If I remember correctly, aren't you licensed in MB? So if it's actually a case of not having enough money, she should be eligible for subsidy. If she has the money but has poor planning and bad priorities, then it's not your problem it's hers.

[Busy ECE mommy]

Never negotiate payment. No pay=no care. Guess she'll have to take all week off work to care for him until Friday....

[Gloucestermom]

Don't allow it! If you allow it once, then she will expect it every time! 2 weeks ago, I terminated a family for this same reason. She needs to pay the daycare bill just like every other bill that needs to be paid.

[bright sparks]

I think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and a free pass. Mortgage companies, utilities and service providers will in fact generally work with a customer if there is financial hardship so I don't see why it can't at least be considered in situations like this. Going through a messy divorce seems like a genuine reason for losing a handle on life in general and I think I would probably also work with this parent. Do I have to? Absolutely not, my number one priority is my family and my business but the beauty of running my own business is that I get to make those calls and assess the individual and whether I think it is a good idea in each circumstance. I am not about to sit and judge her actions when I do not know fully what is going on only having a portion of the information. Yes she could be taking you for a ride, but that is an assumption only you can make...sob story is anyone's guess but I'm not about to be insensitive to her circumstances having made a succession of screw ups in my life and being eternally grateful to those who have taken a chance with me as those people have helped me when times were rough. I have been faced with a dilemma that was of my own doing and nobody needed to care but they did and it was what enabled me to count my blessings and get my act together. A parent going through a divorce is trying very hard to be a better parent and I can totally understand why her sons birthday party is a priority whether she can afford it or not. The added guilt it would cause her in addition to things would be simply awful. We are not in her shoes so we see things more factually, not emotionally but it doesn't make her circumstances any less real. I couldn't sleep at night knowing that someone in need was flat out turned away. I am notoriously empathetic but I think a lot of that comes from the fact that I have been through a lot so my heart is open to others...it back fires a lot lol I think boundaries are important and that you should put it in writing that she pays weekly, you will waiver the late fee on this occasion but it is a one time situation and she should never even ask again in the future. Having compassion is fine but you definitely need to set boundaries and stick to them to prevent being taken advantage of in the future. If she can't pay her daycare bill now, how is she going to pay the late fee on top of it?? It then becomes your problem when standing to firm results in her leaving all together and you being out of pocket. Just because she is in a personal pickle asking for help does not mean that she will be a serial problem parent. Maybe a break is just what she needs, and maybe it isn't but I'd for sure give her a chance before I painted her all sorts of trouble. I've been doing this for 9 years and given people the benefit of the doubt on occasion and its never come back to bite me in the ass, but that is because I haven't let it.

[Secondtimearound]

My opinion is this , charity is something totally different than changing the rules/contract . To me you have a couple of choices
A) practise charity - give up the wages as a loss and let her start again next pay period as negotiated
B) charge the late fee and let her pay when she asked
C) stick to your contract
This is your business and you get to make the choices you can live with . I have given leeway when I have chosen to and have had good results and bad . As the other ladies have mentioned , with their experiences, this is not a new story and usually if there is a problem after 4 weeks .... There will prob be problems as Christmas ect comes up . I personally have had the same experience and wished I would of termed a lot sooner . That being said if you are practising charity , in my opinion , that's a different story and only you can decide how to go about it . It will not make sense to everyone . If I was choosing charity I would inform her of the break I was giving her and move on . Whether she keeps up with not paying you or expecting you to help her out may be the result , the break may allow her to get her feet under her . It's always interesting to see how it goes !!!