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  1. #1

    Post Daycare dad spying on the provider

    Hi all,
    I had an experience that I''ve never had seen since doing daycare. I was at the park with other providers and one provider showed up telling the other provider that one of her parent is spying on her through tree. I'am guessing he was checking up on her, who knows. I know the provider was pretty upset with knowing that he was checking up on her and his child. Would any of you be upset?
    As anyone had this happen to them? and what you all think of this?

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    1,085 Times in 810 Posts
    It's odd and would either creep me out or make me laugh but I also wonder if the dad was really "spying" on his child and not necessarily the provider. Parents want to know what's going on when they aren't around and I think that's normal. Hiding behind a tree isn't normal to me lol but maybe there is no bad intent behind it?

    I'd be so oblivious to him spying that I'd make contact assuming he's there to pick up lol

  3. #3
    Well, a lady called the police on him because he was lurking around but then we notified the police that it was a parent of a daycare child at the park. and yes, your right on parents wanting to know whats going on when they're not there and has every right to do so
    Last edited by shaylee; 09-26-2014 at 12:25 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    180 Times in 135 Posts
    Although I can understand a parent who happens to drive past wanting to watch their child play for a few mins yet not disturb the child's routine, it's the behind the tree which is beyond odd.

    I'd have waved - that would have been clear that I had seen them. I don't like sneakiness.

    If they wanted to watch, fine, sit in the car and do it, no need to lurk in bushes and potential scare the children.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    208 Times in 173 Posts
    I think it's his business if he wants to hide in the trees . It's still a free world and if he felt he wanted to watch his child or provider that's his choice . If one of my dad's did that I would prob think he was checking on his child and wouldn't be ruffled .

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    244 Times in 166 Posts
    I would have waved and said "Hi there! That's great you're here to pick up ____ early, he'll be so happy to have a day home with Daddy"

  7. #7
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    629 Times in 475 Posts
    Creepy! I would have just let the police come and question him as to what he is doing LOL.

    When I first started daycare I had a dad who would drive by in his work truck after daycare hours. It was creepy. Fine if you drive by when we are outside playing but in the evening there is no need to drive by. No way he needed to be down our road for any reason. Funny how when they left care he quit driving by.

  8. #8
    Expansive... Other Mummy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    180 Times in 130 Posts
    Completely unacceptable. I would have waved as well. Taken his child by the hand and led him to dcd. A termination notice would be waiting for them as well. I don't think the other daycare parents would appreciate a man hiding in the foliage watching their children. It's creepy, its scary to other caregivers with their own children and random people enjoying the park.

  9. #9
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    751 Times in 483 Posts
    I'd be curious to know how long that child had been in the caregivers care and info about the location/timing. Did the dad work nearby and happen to be on lunch break and was trying to peek at his child? Or did the dad take time off work and drive out of his way to watch?

    There is a strong chance this dad was trying to catch a glimpse of his child and was not watching the teacher. Maybe the kid is a pain in the butt at home and he can't believe the kid behaves at daycare and wanted to see it for himself. The caregiver can't know what the dad was thinking unless she asks directly.

    I admit that a while back we were on vacation at a resort that had an attached daycare and we left our 18month old for short spurts while we had couple time. And...we ourselves peeked in at our daughter as she played outside. It was the first time she was ever left in a daycare like setting without me with her and we both were very curious on how she behaved. We had zero care as to what the daycare 'teachers' (a bunch of teens) were doing we wanted to see her in action. Do we know we looked like fools? For sure. The daycare was smack in the centre of the resort so all the activities my husband and I attended were more of less in view (if we hopped up on a bench or peeked behind some trees etc). So throughout the days we would peek and then go about our business.

    For us, it had nothing to do with mistrust and had everything to do with parental curiousness. We had the rare occurrence to see what our child is like when we are not around.

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  11. #10
    Euphoric !
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    Feb 2011
    Ottawa, Ontario
    1,469 Times in 1,125 Posts
    There is so much on the internet and news about daycare and if you can really know what your child goes through. And all of those articles say exactly this - arrive early, peek in, watch your caregiver in action with your child from afar etc. He may very well be watching to see how she treats the child - ignores, seems to cater to others over his, is a yeller or screamer, pays very little attention to the kids, etc. It is about trust but trust is earned. A smiley face at drop off and pick up is not enough for some. Child may be rather new or he may be going through a new stage and crying or putting up a fuss about daycare - not because there is anything wrong with daycare but because the child wants to be with the parent. The parent needs reassurance.

    I would probably ignore the parent while at the park but cut my visit shorter than normal just cause it would feel weird. Then confront the parent next pick up saying something like you are really lucky I saw you at the park yesterday because you scared the providers there who are trained to be extra vigilent when we take the kids out in public. The police were called reporting you as lurking and stalking the children at the park. I recognized you and diffused the situation so they didn't come - you were lucky. I get that you wanted to watch your son with his friends but you really need to think twice about stalking behaviour in this day and age.

    What it does is acknowledges that you saw him, explains the police as a way to make him think twice about doing it again, assures him you are vigilent to dangers, etc. At the same time it didn't accuse him of anything untoward or make it about the provider and trust but still gets the message across.

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