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Thread: Personal Space

  1. #1
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    Personal Space

    my DCB is turning 2 soon and has been with us for a year. just lately he's started a phase of not respecting personal space at all. I am not sure how to properly address this. the DCG is 2.7 yrs and my DD is 4, they love him but he is constantly poking them and touching them. if i tell him not to he will use his body and push into them or nuzzle his head into them. I have used positive reinforcement and terms such as "Give them space" or "Hands on your own body" I have even worked with the girls to say "I need space." He will literally hug tackle them to the ground or roll over them.
    Example, DCG sits on couch and DCB needs to sit ontop of her, I put a pillow down and tell him he needs to stay on his side of the pillow and he just ignores it and nuzzles into her again. I understand he wants to be close but the girls gave the right to their personal space.
    Distracting him and redirecting is not something i can do all day and i hate to feel like i'm constantly harping on him or discouraging him.
    Anyone have any advice on how i can help us all get through this stage with less stress and fear of being lovingly attacked

  2. #2
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    OOH man I don't have any stellar advice on how to handle it, but I have a dcg who is 4, just started JK, and is this times 1000 and it's giving her huge problems at school.

    I only started her in May, and she's come a long way since then, but the parents brushed off everything I was saying, as of course I'm "just the babysitter!" This kid is literally ALWAYS hugging, kissing, stroking, petting other children, me, her parents, complete strangers on the street, you name it. Mom and dad think it's funny and "cute" and have been actively encouraging it her entire life!

    Now that she is in school, the teachers have had numerous meetings with the parents and mom and dad are finally (grudgingly) on board with reminding her with "hands off" and "use your words not your hands," etc. I've found that one works well, kids are used to being reminded to "use their words," so when dcg sees a baby at the school or another child that she feels the need to touch, I've been telling her to wave at the baby and use her words instead of her hands.

    As much of an annoyance as it is, I need to shadow her quite frequently, especially when we're outside on the school run or a walk. Her hand is NOT allowed to leave the stroller, and she gets corrected immediately if it does. It's the only way to ensure she's not running up to my neighbours, stroking their bellies, and asking "there's a baby in there?" To strangers. All the time. It's nuts.

    Anyways, constant reinforcement is the only thing I can really suggest, and try to get the parents on board, because if they are encouraging it, the behaviour is only going to get worse. Good on you for trying to correct it now when he's little; hopefully it will fade and be corrected before he starts school!

    Good luck!

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  4. #3
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    I am constantly saying to my dcks , "hands to yourself , so no advice here ! Just constantly reinforcing we stay an arms length away from people . I have a dcg who loses it when someone "touches" her so on one hand I'm saying to keep back from each other and the next minute I'm saying , it's ok if someone touches you !! Ugh

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  6. #4
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    I have a little boy like that as well, he turned 2 in July. He has other issues as well, like saying something over and over again and screeching at the top of his lungs to get my attention. But he is constantly sitting on the other kids, pushing them etc. I am tired of saying "hands down" so now I just remove him from whoever he bothers and put him on time out.

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  8. #5
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    Good question KassieMom. I don't have anything other than what the other ladies are telling you. I am always saying, "hands to yourself, don't push, feet to yourself, don't touch, yada yada yada lol. I have an almost 2 yr. old who doing this and I've started doing like Jodaycare. She does it (whatever) and she's in time out. After the initial warnings, at this age they should know better.

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  10. #6
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    Hmmm...I am thinking I am doing a parenting 'no-no'. My daughter likes her space...in fact pushed kids away (she is 2). But I do encourage her to hug her 'friends' at daycare if they are sad or crying. Goal is to teach empathy.

    Am I making a mistake on this one?

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  12. #7
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    I think that is fine but the important piece to that is she needs to ask if they want a hug. If they say "no" then tell her to back off.

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  14. #8
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    I agree with torontokids...asking if someone wants a hug is a good approach. I find that most parents don't do this though and for the most part it's okay so I let it go. However, if the child doesn't want a hug I will gently step in and say "xxx that is so nice of you to want to hug yyy but yyy doesn't want a hug right now. Maybe in a little bit"

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