Needing opinions !!

[Secondtimearound]

Ugh !!! I have a 4 !! Year old who refuses to wear socks ! Parents have decided it's her choice . I sent a note explaining with the weather changing we need socks ( and I'm anticipating an issue with gloves , hat ect )
They bring her without socks , we began the morning by putting on socks . After 1 1/2 hr noticed socks were off . I kept it light , please put socks on ! And it was on !!
1 hr of wailing crying ! I have her her blankie , and space and really tried to go on with circle time !! But it was almost impossible with her wailing ! I persevered ! She missed circle time , craft and snack . As soon as she stopped I asked if she wanted help and she did and socks have been on since then . I have written 2 notes to parents and scrapped them ! I'm trying to relax now and I'm trying not to ambush parents with my horrible morning but I'm wondering , should I be bothering ?
I'm frustrated at the moment and considering the length of this outburst deciding if I want to keep working with the family . It isn't the first outburst and besides writing in a book there doesn't seem to be much support . If I mention at pick up to dcd he always expresses shock ! But then I'm told she will outburst at home for 45 min !! Soo while I process my intention to continue care I'm wondering if making her wear socks is a big issue ? I want to pick my battles !!

[Wonderwiper]

Just wondering why you require her to wear socks? I hate socks and never wear them inside. Most of my dck take their socks off pretty soon after arrival.

You mentioned picking battles but wearing socks doesn't seem worthy of a battle IMO. I have no problem letting a 4 year old choose what they want to wear. A 4 year old wailing and needing a blankie would concern me more than lack of socks.

Any reason the socks can't stay with her shoes to be worn for outside time? Maybe slippers would work.

If your issue is lack or support from the family, that's an entirely different story.

[CrazyEight]

My playroom is in the basement. In the late fall/winter I have the heat on all the time but I still require everybody to wear socks, and better yet slippers or robeez over them.

I don't know...I get what you're saying, is it really worth making a big deal over socks? Especially if dad doesn't care, what happens if you run into a bigger issue with dcg and dad has already "checked out" of caring about issues at daycare because you've brought up so many? I had exactly this problem with my siblings from hell. They were terrible - aggressive, threw tantrums over nothing (I got snowpants tantrums instead of socks tantrums), etc, etc. I began bringing up issues almost every day to dad, and then realised he totally didn't care. I think he had resigned himself to "my kids are sh*ts at daycare, but whatever, she just complains about them, she hasn't gotten rid of them, and I don't have to deal with them, so I'll just let her talk at me, act a bit shocked, and then go."

Once I clued in, I saved my mentioning incidents to major ones, and when I did, I would bring up minor ones. That's something you could try - could you mention the socks as part of a talk about her tantrums in general? Discuss how she seems to have issues following rules, let's make sure we're all on the same page about following through with discipline so it stays consistent, etc, and during the conversation use the socks thing as an example. That way you're bringing it up, it strengthens your argument about behaviour issues, but it doesn't look like you're nit-picking.

I got rid of them in the end. The parents lack of caring about their behaviour coupled with the insane tantrums was more than enough. You may have to do the same. Good luck.

[Secondtimearound]

I should of mentioned I started asking her to wear socks because she would not go outside . She was cold . When I need her to put the socks on to go outside she can't seem to transition .
Personally no socks makes me cringe ! ( no offence !!) I think it is not hygienic . But we did allow her and others in the summer to have bare feet .
Maybe just a bad morning , maybe I'm weird about bare feet !
Thank you for your advice though !! I will let it go and see how it goes !

[Samantha33]

Ssecondtimearound I get it. We all wear socks here with slippers, from fall to spring. The parents are told they have to keep their socks on here. The kids listen to me. I strictly tell them keep the slippers on (or whatever else they like to take off including pants or hair ties) with a not nice face. I don't pull punches with the kids when it's something that matters to me. We are in the basement and it gets cold on their little feet. If they don't listen at home that's the parents problem, but they have to listen here and do. Even temper tantrums they will do at home but at the first sign of a face that looks like it's building into something I look at them sternly and say "NOT HERE". Other than that I'm a pretty nice person lol. If the problem is the parents then it's a different story. I know how hard it is to terminate. We try our best to keep them but sometimes it's not worth it. Why not try and fill the spot without saying anything and when you do give notice to them. Just a thought.

[Secondtimearound]

That's how it is here too , usually ! But wow can this one carry on . I feel like I've had the family forever but it's only been 1 and months .

[SillyGirl_C]

If the parents don't enforce at home, you can still at daycare. Often there is a different rule structure from one place to another and a 4 year old can get the concept.

I think you should keep on her about the socks and eventually she will realize this is a battle she will not win at daycare.

[superfun]

I should of mentioned I started asking her to wear socks because she would not go outside . She was cold . When I need her to put the socks on to go outside she can't seem to transition .
Personally no socks makes me cringe ! ( no offence !!) I think it is not hygienic . But we did allow her and others in the summer to have bare feet .
Maybe just a bad morning , maybe I'm weird about bare feet !
Thank you for your advice though !! I will let it go and see how it goes !

I'm the same. I let the bare feet thing happen all summer, but I'm so happy that it's sock weather again. I just don't like bare feet all over the house.

[Lee-Bee]

Sounds like it's many little things and not just the sock issue.

But, at 4yrs old she is old enough to negotiate and accept a compromise. If the child was already used to you being in charge and accepting your authority I would suggest sitting down and discussing a compromise. She can go barefoot inside on the condition she puts her socks on with no complaint to go outside each day and that the first time she complains about cold feet she has to put her socks on the for the rest of the day, with no complaints. This would give her ownership of the socks while not negatively affecting your day.

BUT, it sounds like she might not be able to put the socks on without complaint when she needs to go outside. This is a whole other issue and would likely make it much harder on you.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I'm the same as wonderwiper.....the only time I wear socks is to go outside in the winter. I can not stand to have socks on and I have hot feet so I think that's why. The odd time I will wear slippers in the house but that is only in Fall/Winter.

I am a fan of choosing my battles and for me, this isn't one I would worry about until it was time to go outside. However, if it's something you are firm on than be consistent and eventually she will realize that it's a daycare rule and socks have to be on. I agree that home and daycare have different rules so what they do at home doesn't matter....do what you need to do at dc. Will she wear slippers instead of socks?