3.5k
Daycare and childcare providers in Winnipeg, Toronto, Vancouver, Ontario etc. in CanadaGarderies à Montréal ou au QuébecFind daycare or childcare providers in the USA
Forum control
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17
  1. #1
    Shy 3littlemonkeys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    27
    Thanked
    11 Times in 5 Posts

    Friend taking advantage.

    Hi

    I could really use some advice on how say to my friend who has started to push the limits.

    It started as an emergency back up. I would walk her child to the bus stop or she would drop her child and go while i was there already. Once a month or less.
    This year she has arranged her schedule so she can finish early and started dropping her child at my house - not coming in just drop and drive off. It is 40 minutes before the bus is even due and 30 minutes before my paying before care arrive! It is also 2 - 4 days a week!

    It is obvious she should pay to me but how do I say it??

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    213
    Thanked
    45 Times in 40 Posts
    Wow, she really should be paying. If she's a friend how about a quick frank talk started by you. "Since your care and arrival time has changed and now falls under daycare arrangements there will be a weekly fee of $????". Or something to this affect. I kept for a friend once and absolutely never again. This is the same reason I don't want to keep my grandchildren next year.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Samantha33 For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Ottawa, Ontario
    Posts
    4,499
    Thanked
    1,468 Times in 1,125 Posts
    use the safety issue in the sense that you are not responsible for the child legally unless there is a signed contract so please don't just abandon your child on my lawn and drive off. In very cold weather the child is going to be very cold and unhappy by the time she gets to school.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to playfelt For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    1,340
    Thanked
    751 Times in 483 Posts
    Can you use ratios? Tell her that you have a family interested in your last spot. That if she intends for you to care for her child then she needs to sign a contract and give a deposit and pay the weekly fees. Give a deadline or you will sign the other family on.

    Tell her if she opts not to sign the contract and pay she can no long (ever) drop the child off as it puts you over ratio and makes you a criminal with severe consequences (fines and jail time).

    If you are not full and have plenty of room for her then this won't work.

    You will have to tell her that you open your doors at X time if she intends for you to care for her child then she will need to pay and make it official.

    I would find it difficult to call this person a friend though. She has clearly cross some lines and knows it as no one just drops their child off without first having discussed an agreement for care.

  7. #5
    Shy 3littlemonkeys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    27
    Thanked
    11 Times in 5 Posts
    okay listening to yours and my own thoughts. I have this. But could really use help into how to say it.

    Parents are upset as she is there so must and comments and looks are being made. If she wants B/A care the school has a wait list and I can help her out until they have space in the mornings only.
    As for after care - I don't have space. And she should do what I do on days that are too cold. -20'C and colder my kids don't catch the bus. They stay home unless I can arrange transportation. Other days they wear snow-pants, zip up, hats, mitts.....(hers rarely do).

  8. #6
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    1,670
    Thanked
    629 Times in 475 Posts
    Honestly there is no way out of this without hurting her feelings. She is using you and you need to put your foot down. Really? what kind of friend is she being. She knows you run a daycare and of course she knows everyone else pays you for it. what makes her so special? just because she is a so called friend doesn't mean your services are free.

    Just be upfront and honest. She either finds her own before/after school care or she pays for your services the same as everyone else.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to mickyc For This Useful Post:


  10. #7
    Expansive...
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    775
    Thanked
    243 Times in 166 Posts
    Tell her that financially you can't afford for that space to be used up anymore and so she will either have to be a paying client with a contract, or you will have to fill the space with a paying client. This also means abiding by the contract rules (walking the child to the door for safety reasons) and your business hours. Tell her that you value her friendship, but that this is a business decision in the best interest of yor family and your daycare and that you hope she understands. If she doesn't? Then she is ungrateful, and quite frankly, a tool. I hope it all works out! Keep us posted.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Lou For This Useful Post:


  12. #8
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    2,070
    Thanked
    805 Times in 562 Posts
    I had to re-read both your posts again @3littlemonkeys so my understanding is that after school you don't have space for this child but the child just shows up at your house, or comes home with you from the bus because mum doesn't show up. Is this correct? That means this "so called friend" is putting you in a position to operate illegally being over ratio.....friend, I do not think so. I think a passive approach to this is not the way to go in my personal opinion, she needs to be told honestly and to the point ASAP. Dropping the child on the driveway is neglect, passing over responsibility to you, without prior request or permission and this poor child!! Anyway, back to the original question of how to tell her...

    I would be saying that you have noticed that this "back up" care arrangement has gotten out of hand and that x, y and z actions are completely unacceptable, were never discussed and she needs to make alternative arrangements immediately. You don't owe her more than that, especially as she hasn't shown you an ounce of respect. She is the one who owes you an explanation not the other way around. Why is it that we go through these times of letting those we are closest to treat us so bad?? Sometimes I have to try very hard to own that I allow people to treat me as such and put a stop to it. Good Luck confronting her.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bright sparks For This Useful Post:


  14. #9
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    107
    Thanked
    48 Times in 35 Posts
    Tough spot to be in. I deal with difficult people all the time and the best way to talk is face to face. Phone or email tends to escalate situations.
    I would meet with her and tell her straight up that you have been dreading this conversation. Although you want to help her out with before and after care, you technically don't have the space and you have a waiting list. Tell her that although you prefer her munchkin, showing preference damages your client relations and reputation and it is a small industry. Before not a problem as it was emergency only...but now you are over numbers consistently and at risk of a major issue.

    Offer to help her until the end of October if she is in a jam.
    If she still takes advantage past Oct 31st or acts like a total ass when you are bearing your troubles, she is not a friend, just another person with an over inflated sense of entitlement.

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SillyGirl_C For This Useful Post:


  16. #10
    Shy 3littlemonkeys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    27
    Thanked
    11 Times in 5 Posts
    I did it!!!!! Thank you all for your support!

    She threw a few guilt's my way but I feel I handled it well. I explained I agreed to be an emergency back up as in a real emergency! I also said if the weather is too cold for my kids to walk and wait for the bus then they would stay home. I would expect the same on her side. My theory is If I don't have a safe way for them to get home after school how can I send them (Calgary we get -25'C to -40'C)? She replied with she would send them as the morning is not an issue for her. So I then proceeded to explain I can not offer after care. Doing so would mean having to turn away 3 children and that would be a loss of thousands of $$$. A sacrifice I will not do. But I could give her the name of an aftercare near the school.

    I also offered Before care at a fee the same fees the one at the school offers (it is full right now) and on a drop in basis. So she thought a few minutes about it.

    Funny now she has decided to reorganize her schedule to start later and feels her daughter can walk to the bus stop!!


    I ended with saying I was glad we talked as this situation was really stressing and I was upset. I was glad we understand each other now.

    Thank you all!! I feel better. And have learned a valuable lesson!!! Child care and friends do not mix!!

  17. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to 3littlemonkeys For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Taking advantage of me?
    By cassandram in forum Parents' experiences with daycare providers
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 08-13-2014, 07:32 PM
  2. Being taken advantage of
    By martymonty in forum Daycare providers' experiences with parents
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 11-27-2013, 07:53 AM
  3. QUICK! Is this over ratio? Friend coming over
    By Sandbox Sally in forum Caring for children
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 05-16-2013, 08:42 AM
  4. A Family friend is missing :(
    By Inspired by Reggio in forum This and that
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 09-25-2012, 12:56 PM
  5. Parents who take advantage
    By Samantha in forum Daycare providers' experiences with parents
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-21-2011, 08:06 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

A few tips...

If you encounter a daycare provider with out-of-date openings / spaces, click on the button right above the currently listed openings to report it!
Did you know?
DaycareBear receives more than 155 700 unique pageviews each month; that's nearly 1.9 million pages per year!
Partner in your
search for a daycare provider