My head hurts

[Secondtimearound]

I mostly blame myself for not making a decision . When I'm wishy washy it always makes me unhappy !! Starting at 8 am I have had 3 siblings take turns crying over every thing . It should of been an easy day but it started with a 4 yr old crying because where she was sitting she was by a green mat , apparently green was a big problem today . I tried everything , because no one else was here I pulled out all the games , new toys anything to find a happy spot to our day . But our day was filled with crying and fighting . I , for the first time requested pick up , I pulled my dd from the playroom and waited . Mom phones and talks to kids , apparently
they had flu shots last night . Mom explains it's complex to come pick up today ( I texted while I was frustrated, I still think they shouldn't be here ) but I agree to wait . I turn the lights out and we rest . They both fall asleep , I know mom doesn't like naps , they usually don't but they so needed it today !
Why I am not happy with myself ? Because I know better ! I don't know why I'm not just giving notice . I think 2 months is ample time to come to the conclusion maybe we are not the right fit . I have given advice to term , I have termed ,why am I not making a decision ? I have frustrated myself !!

[Rachael]

Honestly - if I've read this correctly - you've not termed because 3 siblings means a lot of vacancies. Why not advertise and line up at least two replacements and then term? It might be that it takes a while and during that time, you feel more settled with them anyone just because you've taken some action?

[Secondtimearound]

I have 2 families who are friends/family of other dcks who I could replace this family with . It's me , not wanting to quit ! I convince myself it's time to go and then I see improvement and I think maybe I should wait and that's the routine .
I'm usually so sure of myself and blaze a path and hardly look back which is why I'm frustrating myself with this decision . I know it prob sounds bizzare !

[playfelt]

Sometimes it is hard when it is a lot of little things creating the problems instead of one major issue we can name. It is much easier to say I am letting you go because of .... and name the event or reason. Much harder to say I am letting you go .... well just because of a lot of things I can't really always put my finger on but....

[Secondtimearound]

Thank you ladies !!! It's always hard for me to decide to stop , anything really . When this family participates it's so good but then they fall apart if I make changes to whatever they are doing , but sometimes they are ok with listening but when they lose it , I'm talking it takes them an hour to get back on board .
I talked to parents on Friday and let them know I'm not sure we are the right fit , they love coming here , have fun !!
I do have a waiting list so I'm not too worried about that end of it , it's just that I've been transitioning for 3 months and have invested a lot of time and energy !! I feel like I'm almost there and then I feel I'm better off to term .

[Lee-Bee]

It's great to put in all your effort and "finish what you start" so to speak. But think of what all your energy and good intention and passion could be doing for 3 children (and up to 3 families) that just "fit" with you. Those children could flourish and grow and you and they would benefit greatly. These children may just need a change. Part of that change may be to split them up. It is hard to spend 24/7 with your siblings...of course that is what many families do but maybe the kids just need a break from each other they can reach their potential and so when they come back together at the end of the day they are refreshed and enjoy each others time.

You need to make a gut call on whether to push through and hope for improvement or whether it is best for all to term. There is no failure in deciding that they just need a change and that you can do more and better with another set of kids.

[Secondtimearound]

Thanks Lee-bee ! I think that's the point I need to focus on !! And I totally agree this family needs to split care up . They have had issues in the past with providers and I was sure I could help !! But they are just kind of zapping the joy out !!