Need to vent...going to snap!

[torontokids]

My 18 mos DCB is my "handful" as 5 little monkeys calls them. He has been challenging from the beginning. Difficult transition, hunger strike, crying, wants to be held all the time. There have been some big improvements but I kind of think I am done or about done.

He cried all week whenever we were outside. This is a problem as we spend a lot of time outside. We had to come in early today as he was just too much of a mess it wasn't worth it anymore. He woke up from nap today after an hour and has just been screaming. He has now woken up the other kids sleeping in the room with him. This is usually the case on Mondays after a weekend with mom and dad but once Tues hits he knows not to cry in his bed but lay quietly/sleep until nap time is over.

The parents have been working with me, putting him to bed earlier, not picking him up as much but I am wondering if he should be with someone else who will dote on him all the time. Maybe a new provider with less kids or a nanny. His parents are always excusing it with "teething," woke up early, the sky is blue etc. I think he is just a fussy/sucky kid who gets his way at home and is coddled. His mom makes him alternative meals and does baby talk with him (my pet peeve)

What has saved this kid so far is that he is so cute. He is very sweet and truly loves me. I care about him too and like his parents but I don't know if I can't keep this up for much longer.

Can I make this work. Am I just having a rough day/week and need to deal with it?

[Rachael]

Damn, it's always the cute ones who are a pain in the butt initially. It's the kitten syndrome. LOL

Although it sounds like the parents are listening to your advice, it also sounds like some of it is being taken with a pinch of salt when their justifications/excuses are offered. I know it's so damn hard when it's going on.

Baby-ing by parents is my pet peeve too. I'm having this at the moment here with a 2.5 year old who is one of the oldest so I feel your pain.

Take the weekend - put some distance between you and the situation and then decide. If it is too much, then fair enough but don't make a rash decision at the end of a long, hard week. In terms of notice, it's not a lot of difference if you issue it Friday evening or Monday morning.

[Kathleen12]

I think you need to be a little easier on this kid and his parents. If their child is upset and they choose to comfort him in the way that is best for their family, that is their choice as parents. Withdrawing love and affection from children, when they are going through a tough time, is counter-productive. I think any reasonable daycare provider would know this. It hurts my heart to see these posts. Yes, you have a hard job, and children can be challenging and frustrating, but the more you deny a child the physical and emotional comfort he NEEDS, the more difficult and challenging he will be as he gets older. I would seriously question any provider that tells me not to pick up, comfort and hold an 18 month old. Perhaps they would be better off with someone who is a little more understanding about high needs babies.

[FSD]

From my understanding, Torontokids has been VERY understanding when it comes to this child! It sounds like this child is spoiled, and Torontokids isn't withholding love/affection from him, she's just refusing to coddle, which I completely agree with. I didn't coddle either of my two daughters, and if anyone insinuated that I withheld love from them, you have another think coming! I believe because I DIDN'T coddle them, they have both grown to be independent, respectful, children! This little guy needs to learn that he's at daycare, and there are certain rules, like staying quiet in bed until nap is over. All my dck's learned it, but the ones that were coddled/spoiled at home, took a little longer to figure it out. Torontokids, I would take the weekend to think it over, but I have a feeling you've already made a decision. Good luck!!

[torontokids]

Thanks for the feedback.

I will take the weekend to think things over. I appreciate the perspective re: withholding affection as you call it. I think there is a difference between being affectionate (which I am) and answering to every child's beck and call and holding them 24 hr's a day. We would clearly not be a provider/parent match.I think that kind of parenting is a recipe for burn out really. I have friends that parent this way. Not only do they start to resent their child and lack of me time but their relationships with their partners are put on hold as one person can only give so much

[torontokids]

And to add, I've been working with this child for 6 mos and he is definitely high needs

[mickyc]

agree with FSD 100% not carrying a child 24/7 is not withholding love it is teaching independence. I too have had a few sucky kids and it drives me nuts. I don't have time to hold multiple children all day and refuse to. That doesn't mean they don't get hugs and comfort when needed.

My "handful" has been giving me issues eating lately. He will hold the food in his mouth forever. Today while reminding him to chew he decided to stuff about 4 tater tots in his mouth (without chewing) and had his mouth so full he was gagging! WTH!! This better not be his "new thing". I made him spit it all out and of course that resulted in him crying. I don't know what to do with him. Mom says he doesn't do it at home. It usually results in me having to clean his mouth out with my finger because he won't swallow and I can't put him to bed with a full mouth of food. sigh.....is it the weekend yet!!

[Rachael]

Love means appropriate boundaries and expectations. It does not mean pandering to their every whim.

When a child is taught that they are the centre of the universe - they believe it. What a complete injustice to that child. When a child is never told 'no', they don't understand boundaries. When a child doesn't have to work towards a goal, they have no sense of achievement.

Pandering to the whim of a demanding child is very, very different to placing boundaries in a loving and caring environment.

[Secondtimearound]

I think to be fair to the child , parents have to understand in a dayhome setting , a child is not treated as an individual but rather as part of a group . To make my point clearer I do not mean the child is not an individual , he/she should be treated as a lovely part of a bigger unit .
The focus is in the group as a whole , if only one dislikes bananas , we will serve bananas the one child's individual likes/dislikes are taken into consideration but are not the only concern . As it sounds , these parents of course love their sweet child but unless you are employing a nanny , the caretakers focus will be on the whole group a opposed to one child getting special treatment .
I love this board ! Reading about other dayhomes crafts , vents ect make me feel supported , what I dislike is an obvious misconstruing argumentative response to a question that truly exists !!
And is relevant . I have a couple of princesses and princes as well and it totally depends on parents as to if it works out ! I have told my parents I care for them all equally !! They are all special ! My whole group gets special times sitting with me ect but I do not cater to one child specifically . If that makes me hurt your heart ..... My parents would back me up ! I have most of my dayhome kids not want to leave !

[5 Little Monkeys]

LOL....to be fair, I affectionately call them my handfuls!! Seems like every group there is always one though....I dread the day I have a group with more than one handful

I agree with the other ladies. Take the weekend to think about it and re-evaluate on Monday. If you don't think you are a good fit I say you gave it a good try!! Some kids need more attention than group care can offer. Nothing wrong with that!!