Just a vent...

[bright sparks]

I spoke to mum. Didn't get any real idea of how she was going to help manage his behaviour and I really didn't know what to suggest aside from zero tolerance, but I get the impression it was just a sheep staring back at me nodding. My idea of zero tolerance is in all likelihood different from hers. She said that when he is very grumpy she sends him to play on his own in his room. In some situations I'd be okay with that. Everyone has the right to be grumpy and directing a child to take some alone time is a good thing versus punishment for feeling that way. That being said, is she doing this after an incident too...who knows, but then there is the problem, there are little to no consequences. Being sent to your room to play with toys isn't a negative consequence in my opinion. Mum was really just speechless a lot as I told her while her son was walking round her in circles trying to rip her keys and lanyard out of her hand, while she clung on to them, instead of getting down to his level and taking control of the situation by telling him firmly that he must stop, and making him stop. Everything is a bribe or negotiation. And then every other weekend that they are dads place they pretty much spend their time being paraded round toy shops and return to mums place on the Sunday like its Xmas or birthday time with a bunch of new toys and sore bellies from junk food. It's no wonder the kids are all over the place, but mum needs to try something different to curb this behaviour with her son when it's effecting the others. She left my front porch saying, lets hope this phase passes quickly. Doesn't sound like much of an investment to work on behaviour changes SIGH!!

Lets just hope that today is a better day. It felt mildly better to vent but I'm unfortunately feeling pessimistic about it being any better today. I'm up early after a late evening at my daughters grade 8 high school open house and feeling zapped already. I'm going to rotate some toys and move the room round a little and have playdoh set up for arrivals. Hopefully just a simple change like that may start the day off more positively and hopefully we wont all be terrorized by him.

[Fun&care]

"Let's hope this phase passes soon." That is your red flag right there that she isn't admitting there is an actual PROBLEM here she just thinks she can wait it out. It doesn't sound like she is planning on doing anything at all....

Waiting around hoping that today will be better doesn't sound like a healthy option either bright. I don't know, but if it were me I would start thinking of an exit plan for this family...

[bright sparks]

"Let's hope this phase passes soon." That is your red flag right there that she isn't admitting there is an actual PROBLEM here she just thinks she can wait it out. It doesn't sound like she is planning on doing anything at all....

Waiting around hoping that today will be better doesn't sound like a healthy option either bright. I don't know, but if it were me I would start thinking of an exit plan for this family...

I think after investing so much into this child, just because its hard now doesn't really warrant giving up. He would benefit from two caregivers working together not being shuttled off to someone else when the going gets tough. He isn't intentionally setting out to hurt the other kids so it's not like that is his goal and I'm fighting to correct that behaviour. Yes obviously a red flag, which I acknowledged, when mom said she hopes it just passes. So what I ask you then, is what exactly do I say to this parent to get her on board with doing something beyond wishing it will get better? Any suggestions? She is at a loss and I'm not entirely sure what direct advice to give her beyond what I've already said. Something that just popped into my head was how so many people say "we don't have the right to tell a parent how to parent their child" which I tend not to agree with for the most part for these situations precisely. I do have the right to request and advise you that you should try x, y and z if your child's actions are effecting the wellbeing of others. So I'd love some advice on what folks think I should say because I am not about to throw the towel in on a rare 3 yr old spot for starters, a child I've had for nearly 3 years and a family I've dealt with for over 5. I think it would be much better to try and get through to her than looking for an exit plan. At least being friends with her means we can have a bit more of a frank conversation, that being said though, if she says she is trying her best, who is anyone to call her a liar? I ask her what she does in these situations but she basically lets them do what they like as long as they are happy and rough housing in her house is acceptable whereas in my daycare setting it is not. He is getting mixed signals from left right and centre. This child needs consistency not someone else to adapt to. I also need to figure out how to make this work, because financially I can't lose that much money so I'm not looking to terminate just yet.