New kid nap woes

[torontokids]

So I have a new DCB who is 15 mos old. He was kicked out of his previous daycare (or it was rather politely suggested they start looking for care elsewhere). I spoke at length with the parents and previous care provider about what the issues were and it was made clear to me that the sole issue was around eating. The child cannot feed himself and therefore was not eating much if anything while in daycare because according to the provider he would not eat anything she tried to feed him and she feeds mostly soups/stews. He does well with finger foods so I was not too worried. I am kind of from the school of thought that kids will eat if they're hungry and I leave them with the food and they figure things out very quickly. This is his first week and there have been zero issues with food. He doesn't eat as much as my other kids and he can self feed when not given other options.

The issue I am having is naps but it's kind of different. He napped really well his first 3 days here. He went straight to sleep and slept for about an hour. Woke up, I let him cry for a bit and he went back to sleep. Mom and dad do not let him cry, they get him up once he is up so he is used to about an hour nap (but needs more). Here we do 2-2.5 hrs. Most of my kids sleep the full 2.5.

Yesterday and today he is not going down at all, just screaming. I left him to scream yesterday, he finally fell asleep but was up and screaming shortly afterwards for the rest of nap. I went down the last 15 mins (couldn't take it anymore) cause I figured if he is up now not a big deal as the other kids are waking up. He snuggled right into my arms and started dozing in my arms. Went to put him back down and he started screaming again so we just started our afternoon. Spoke to mom and she said that they rub his back and hold him until he's almost asleep (not what they told me in the interview- "he is a great sleeper, read him a story and set him down and he goes to sleep.") I told them that this is unrealistic in a daycare setting and let her know that he will be sleep trained here. She was OK with it (I think most are as long as they don't have to do the work) but maybe a bit hesitant.

Has anyone ever had a baby sleep well then not? Was he just too tired those first couple of days or is he now testing me? I hate this part of the job.

[Rachael]

It's possible he was just exhausted the first few days and now is back to his old self. A new environment is mentally exhausting so even though he's used to day care, that might be what happened. Think back to when you worked outside the home and switched jobs. The first few days were hard even if the hours were the same.

I think you are doing the right thing. He's now back into the stride of things and so has to learn your routine. You know that in a few short weeks at most, the majority will have adjusted to the sleep training and it will be worth the effort. Crappy deal when it's happening but just one of those phase in things that we expect with a new child.

[torontokids]

I just hope the provider didn't hide the fact that he's a terrible sleeper from me...I had to terminate a client once for being a terrible napper (he was PT and co-slept so I had to retrain every week).

[Fun&care]

I have one little one who is about 17 mo, been here since 12 and she is a terrible sleeper. She is the toughest one I've had so far to sleep train. Her parents were the same- got her up as soon as she woke thinking she was done napping when it had only been 45 mins. I told them you should always wait at least 10 mins before getting your child up, as often they will doze off again. You have do it EVERY naptime or even in the morning pretty much until your child grows out of naps altogether. It seemed to help a lot although she can still go through phases where she has issues again so I sometimes wonder how well the parents stick to this rule. It really does work though- read it in some baby sleep book.

The other thing I have found with experience is no matter what is going on at home, when they are with you if naptime is 2 1/2 hours then the kid is gonna have to adjust to being in his playpen for that long, sleeping, screaming or just playing quietly. So I let them all cry it out and the less you go in, the faster they learn. I go in to check if there is a dirty diaper, lay them back down and I'm out. Leave him for the entire nap and after a few days you will probably find he will either go back to sleep or play quietly. The more you go in, the more you get him up early before the others, the longer it will take. HOWEVER because he is new, you may want to be more gradual and offer some form of reassurance the first few days but after that, he has to learn!

[Lee-Bee]

Yes...as Rachael said it is quite likely the child was exhausted those first few days and passed out quickly...also I find some kids put up less fight with naps at first because they are not yet comfortable in the new environment. The difficult nappers soon get comfy and their usual nap habits start to show.

I find it odd to terminate a 15month old because they don't eat soups and stews, they learn to eat it soon enough - or go home hungry. I suspect the provider may have not given all info because they wanted the child to find new care.

All you can do is be clear with home about the struggle (both how it impacts you and how it impacts their child). If the child was kicked out of their last daycare because of poor nap habits then they really should have been honest about it and found a daycare that can accommodate the habits they have engrained in their child or they needed to be ready to make changes at home so their child isn't bounced around from daycare to daycare.

This always baffles me about parents! I can totally understand how the bad habits come into play...but if they know their child is going to be in daycare and they know that child will not be able to be held for every nap then they do their child no service what so ever by not preparing them for sleeping at daycare. It can be done gently and lovingly...BUT it has to start when the child really, really young. Gahhhhhhh

Best of luck! How long was he at the other daycare? since 12months? I personally would almost be tempted to call the other caregiver back. Nicely and saying look, this child is really struggling with naps. I suspect you had the same problem...can you explain your nap routine and what strategies you tried there so I don't waste my time here starting from scratch. Then you'll know where to start (hopefully)!!

[torontokids]

I guess the frustrating part is thinking I was "golden" and wouldn't have to sleep train another one. He's been awake crying off and on since laying down. Argh...I can't stand it, I don't know how the other kids manage so well being down there with him. I can hear it clear as day one floor above.

[Lee-Bee]

I find it the worse with the kids that aren't taught how to go back to sleep after a sleep cycle at home. They truly have no idea how to, let alone that they are expected to, go back to sleep after that first sleep cycle. Something that should be taught at a very young age! It is so much harder to teach this to children after they start daycare!