Lazy parents...

[mattsmom]

Have any of you ladies had bad experiences with parents being really lazy with potty training? I have a dcg who is 3.5 yrs and is a nightmare to potty train. Her parents aren't any help either.

I have told her parents that she needs to come in a pull up and in clothes that she can easily take off when I send her to the potty. Of course, her parents send her in a diaper and a diaper shirt that has the snaps!!!! this is happening all the time! How is she supposed to get her stuff off if they send her in that???

Also, at home they will keep her in underwear for a while and then when she doesn't do anything, they put the pullup back on and she pees in that!

I'm at my wits end and feel like I'm the only one who's trying here!

Can I get some advice??

[Crayola kiddies]

Then stop trying .... Its not your job to train the child it's the parents .... Your job is to support them once they have begun the process ..... This child will go to school next year and she will have to be trained so I would ignore it as frustrating as it really is not to mention gross to change a child if that age but you are fighting a losing battle

[mattsmom]

It's so frustrating though. I can't keep changing a poopy diaper from a 3.5 yr old! It's like changing a grown ups diaper...it's gross!
They are both essential service workers (emt and nurse) and I always feel like they use their long work hours as an excuse why they can't train her properly. The mom will say that they are going to do a potty bootcamp with her for the weekend and when the weekend is over, they just go back to what they usually do.

They are actually a really nice couple and I've never had anything bad to say about them...except this. I just feel like they are waiting for me to do it so they don't have to.

[Fun&care]

With my clients I make it clear that potty training happens at home. I don't potty train, it's too much work.(UNLESS a child is showing obvious signs of readiness and can do a lot of the work themselves) So they start at home and once the child is fully trained at home and hasn't had an accident in two weeks, I allow them to wear underwear here. This is how I actually trained my own daughter while running my daycare. I trained her on weeknights and weekends until she was fully trained then she starting wearing underwear during daycare hours and potty training was complete. I don't think it's fair of parents to expect us to do all the work when we have a house full of kids demanding our attention too. It really sounds like they are just waiting for you to do it and if that's not something you want to do then you need to define your boundaries with these parents and be clear about what you are and are not willing to do. And if you ARE willing to help, then they need to step up their game and at the very least send the child in appropriate clothing!

[torontokids]

They make diaper shirts for 3.5 year olds? I hate onesies past 1 yr old.

[bright sparks]

You could just take control of the situation by taking charge. Say that while you appreciate their busy schedule, this does nothing to excuse them not being fully committed and the only person it effects negatively is their child and it can not carry on. I appreciate for us daycare providers that toilet training is difficult but I don't believe it is more the parents job than mine and I don't think saying anything along those lines directly to the parents is productive regardless of what you actually do feel. Tell them, honestly tell them, don't ask, that they have to be 100% on board even if it's after the worst work day of their lives, no excuses. Make it clear that the minute they aren't, you will stop training all together because if this isn't a collaborative deal, then your efforts are wasted and it send mixed signals to the child. This way or no way and then you need to follow through enforcing that.

[bright sparks]

The families I toilet train with know exactly where they stand with me, I am very upfront and my policy is given to them ahead of time in writing so there are no excuses for not knowing how it will go down at my house. They get one warning, which isn't in writing because I don't give them permission to be lazy and use a diaper one time, but if someone has a human moment, then I'll give them that because I'm not an ass and I can hold my hands up too and say sometimes I make bad choices. At that point I confront them face to face and make it clear it won't happen again otherwise I will not toilet train the child at all! I've had one family try it on and that was it, no more and mom took 2 weeks vacation to get them trained before they came back to care. She wasn't happy with me, but I think it's because she didn't like that she was made to feel small in her role, but then she should have taken it from someone who has trained over 30 kids and respect my rules, or flat out tell me before we start that you aren't happy with something and we could have had a conversation about it. It's not a competition, just how I manage to run my daycare successfully.

[mattsmom]

The families I toilet train with know exactly where they stand with me, I am very upfront and my policy is given to them ahead of time in writing so there are no excuses for not knowing how it will go down at my house. They get one warning, which isn't in writing because I don't give them permission to be lazy and use a diaper one time, but if someone has a human moment, then I'll give them that because I'm not an ass and I can hold my hands up too and say sometimes I make bad choices. At that point I confront them face to face and make it clear it won't happen again otherwise I will not toilet train the child at all! I've had one family try it on and that was it, no more and mom took 2 weeks vacation to get them trained before they came back to care. She wasn't happy with me, but I think it's because she didn't like that she was made to feel small in her role, but then she should have taken it from someone who has trained over 30 kids and respect my rules, or flat out tell me before we start that you aren't happy with something and we could have had a conversation about it. It's not a competition, just how I manage to run my daycare successfully.

I know! I was just talking to a friend who does daycare as well and she asked why I don't have something in my contract about it. I think I have everything but that, lol.

I'm going to be revising my contract soon, so I will definitely be adding something about potty training. I think my problem is that I hate confrontation with the parents and avoid it if I can. This has just gotten so bad that I am really resenting them for piling everything on me, plus making it harder than it needs to be.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I don't have a potty training blurb in my contract either. I've just dealt with it as it comes. The only real policy I have regarding training is that they must go 2 weeks without an accident here, must be able to pull up and down their own pants before they can wear underwear and be considered "trained" and must be able to communicate to me that they have to go.

Would anyone mind sharing what they have in their contract regarding potty training. I do end of year updates to my contract and might consider putting something in there. I would prefer if the parents did the bulk of the work at home but I don't think it's fair to say I won't help or do my part here....after all, my job is working with children and that includes potty training. I just don't know how to word that and would like to see some examples. Thanks!!

[Fun&care]

5 LM, as I said before, I make it clear in my contract that potty training begins at home and they must be dry for 2 weeks at home before being allowed to go without pull-ups here. I guess my post made it sound like I don't do potty training at all but that's not actually the case. Once the child starts potty training at home they can wear a pull-up here and I will encourage the child to go at set times of the day or whenever they feel they want to go of course. I just don't really see this as "potty training" per se....it's more like practice I guess since I have found that so long as a child is in diapers or pull-ups it's not actual potty training. At least that's how I see it. But I do support and encourage while at daycare. Also, putting in your contract that potty training happens mostly at home means it takes pressure off you as the caregiver because all too often there are parents who assume we are just going to do all the work OR it also discourages parents who think their 15 month old is ready to be potty trained and when they actually are the ones putting in the effort they realize sooner rather than later that their child is in fact not ready. Like you mentioned you can also add in your contract the prerequisites to potty train that the child needs to display before beginning potty training such as : being able to pull pants up and down (a child running around naked at home who sits on the potty when they need to go doesn't count!!!!), verbalizing the need to go, and having good bladder control in the sense they can hold it in for short periods of time, and again, being dry in underwear at home for at least two weeks before they get to wear underwear at daycare. That's all I can think of right now...HTH!