You need a vacation. These kind sof problems always seem so much bigger when we're overworked.

Re: the naps. Just smile and nod. I would continue to put her down for her nap and you could always let her have her books etc if she wakes up but she needs to stay in her cot. I have all kids nap. Maybe they need a centre if they don't want her napping.

Re: potty- I ahve the same rule re: pull-ups but I ahve been flexible about this on a case by case basis. e.g. I had one DCG train over the summer break. Had zero accidents at home during the training period and wore underwear the whole time. I opted to let her wear underwear and was clear we could try it but if she had a lot of accidents, back in pull-ups. It was fine.

I let another girl in underwear at DC who was not trained to go poo on the potty. She wore a diaper at nap time and would poo then or at night usually. She went to kindergarten in Sept still not having pooped in the potty but would hold it (there were issues with constipation as well). She just started on her own a month into school. She was fully trained with her pee though and had no poop accidents in her underwear