Jealous dcb

[JennJubie]

Hey everyone, I guess I'm seeking some advice here. I have a dcb who is 2.5. He's a pretty well behaved little guy, but he has a problem with jealousy. If any of the other dkc show me something, or need my attention for any reason, he's right there, pushing his way in to get my attention. And he'll keep squaking at me until I acknowledge him. Even my own children... my daughter gave me a hug before leaving for school, and he yelled at her and tried to push her out of the way so he could hug me. If my attention isn't on him, he's trying to make sure that it is. It's exhausting. I actually feel fatigue at the end of the day. How would you guys deal with this? Of course I want to pay attention to him, but I also need to pay attention the all the other kiddos.

[5 Little Monkeys]

He's still young so I wouldn't worry too much about it. You will just have to be more conscious for awhile about how much attention you're giving to individual children.

Make him wait his turn to show you something Or to get a hug and make sure the other kids wait their turn as well when he's got your attention.

Hopefully it's just a phase! Good luck

[mickyc]

Is he an only child? I find a lot of this with only children. I work hard to get them to realize they need to wait their turn, don't interrupt etc.

It is something a lot of parents don't realize is that they give their child every ounce of their attention but it isn't teaching them a thing.

[JennJubie]

He is an only child. And he rules the roost at home. As soon as Mom or Dad come to pick him up he starts acting like a poop, and then when I remind him that he still needs to follow the rules he'll back into Mom or Dad and then smile at me.

I do make him wait his turn... but it's been like this for.... well always. He's been here since he was 9 months old, and I'm sure that has something to do with it, too. The problem is is while hes "waiting his turn" hes screaming at the top of his lungs. Not tantrum screaming either. He's making eye contact with me and just screaming as loud as he can. As soon as I aknowledge him he'll stop screaming... and then it starts all over again. I fear this may just be part of his personality, he's very in - your - face.

[torontokids]

What do the parents say about this behaviour?

I personally would make him wait and let him know that while he's screaming you won't acknowledge him until it's his turn and he's quiet. Walk away from him, go a bit over the top with praise/attention for the other kids and only give it to him when he's quiet (not immediately when he quiets, wait a min).

[mickyc]

Personally if he was screaming while waiting his turn he would be put in timeout (the 4 minutes of timeout time doesn't begin until he begins to sit quietly and not scream). That is not proper behaviour. Then when he gets out of timeout he is last at taking his turn or misses whatever is going on altogether. He sounds very similar to a boy I had last year. I was so happy when he was gone!! That was a very long year that I had him. He too was an only child who catered to every whim and was a little s&*t when mom or dad picked up. IMO children like this need discipline so they realize it is not acceptable behaviour in your home.

[JennJubie]

mickyc... you've hit the nail on the head. Mom and Dad are lovely people, but they cater to him. He still comes in my door in the morning with a soother in his mouth because they can't stand to "make him cry by taking it away", yet as soon as he comes in, he puts it away and doesn't touch it again until they pick him up. I'm just at a loss. Other than the attention issue, he really is well behaved, but the problem is that Mom and Dad have made him the boss and I just can't see this improving unless they discipline him at home too. Mom has admitted to me that they've never put him on a time out.

[mickyc]

The thing is we also have to realize that kids can learn 2 sets of rules. They will quickly learn what is acceptable at your home and what is not. I quit trying to get parents on board with my rules/my schedule etc. As long as the child is fine during my 9 hours of daycare I really don't care what goes on at home.

Just think of it this way - it is their mess they are creating and they will be the ones dealing with the teenage years - not you. Stick to your guns in your home, discipline him and don't stress too much about what the parents do/don't do at home. You won't change them.

Also if the child is not behaving during drop off/pickup then speak up. I had one boy who would get aggressive to the other kids when mom showed up. Mom would let it happen. Finally I put the child in timeout in front of mom. She was taken back!! Next day she told him if he didn't behave then I would put him in timeout again. Slowly she is realizing that it is OK to discipline her child.

[Rachael]

Ugh - this is a pet peeve of mine. Parents who aren't willing to parent. As much as I can feel smug in knowing what their future holds when their 6 foot tall teenage son has a tantrum in the Sports Store for the $400 pair of sneakers, it's pretty annoying that the rest of the World will be left to deal with his elevated sense of self-importance as an adult.

Why do parents do this? Why can't they grasp that if they aren't able to say no to a toddler and enforce their decision, they've got no chance with a youth who they have developed and confirmed that manipulation is successful to, for years.

Why is it so hard for them to understand that a child, who is never told no, expects everything to always to how they want it to, and doesn't have the skill set to deal with disappointment and rejection and move on?

What do they think will happen when their kid doesn't get picked for the sports team? Oh yeah, that's right, they'll go storming to the school and demand that Johnny isn't victimised and is given a place.

What do they think will happen when their kids gets turned down by that girl they want to take to the dance? Oh yeah, that's right, he'll smear her on-line and begin a hate campaign and his parents will encourage him believe that she's a stuck up little madam.

What do they think will happen when this kid goes to work and is told that he can't book off a day he wanted? Or didn't get the promotion he applied for?

Ugh - sorry about the rant ladies but lazy parents are idiots. We submit people who want to adopt a dog from the pound to more checks than we do parents.

[SillyGirl_C]

Hmmm..on a related note, my daughter interrupts when she wants a person's attention. She is 2.5. She is great with sharing and understand waiting (although her tolerance is limited). Any ideas on how to deal with the interrupting or is this just something that will go away as she gets older.