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Thread: Bullying

  1. #1
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    Bullying

    I posted about this same child before, but things are just getting worse. I have a little one who will be 2 next month. For the past month she has been bullying the other kids. It started with kicking, hitting, pulling hair. Then that stopped and now for the past 2 weeks she has picked one victim and regularly screams at her, which causes this poor little 18 month old to cry every time. She does it intentionally to make her cry. I have tried time-outs in the kitchen alone, I've tried ignoring completely and just comforting the victim, I've tried tons of positive reinforcement when she is nice to her friends, I've tried talking sternly and explaining why we don't scream at our friends. I even had my teenaged son who she adores, talk to her about it. Nothing works! She is unphased by any time-outs or loss of toys, etc. She understands completely that she shouldn't and that she should be "nice" to her friends. She is very smart and talks quite well. I am at a loss and quite frustrated as it is so unfair to the other child. I do have other behavioural issues with this same child, but this one is the worst. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
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    By the way, by "regularly" I mean at least ten times a day!!!

  3. #3
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    Could very well be a reaction to something negative going on at home. As severe as abuse to as simple as mom now goes to the gym once a week and a babysitter has to put her to bed. Is the parent aware that you are having the issues and does she use them at home.

    In daycare consider setting up a play yard or sectioning off an area and putting safe toys in there and that is where she stays. She may join the group when you are directly supervising/interacting but at first hint of an issues she goes back alone. She may just be becoming sensitive to someone in her personal space.

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    I have talked extensively with the parents about this and other issues. Her mom said she's never seen her do anything like this when she is with other kids, but luckily, she did witness her do it while she was picking her up one day. In fact, she has regressed in many ways recently. She cries a lot, especially when we are out...she wants me to hold her all the time, which I can't/won't do and screams and cries if I don't. The bullying doesn't happen in reaction to another child's actions. Often the kids are sitting at the table eating and she just suddenly looks at her victim and screams (she actually gets a squinty eyed look first...it's incredible!). Or the other kids are playing nicely and she just walks over and screams, causing crying from her sensitive victim. She will say "alone"...she knows that if she does it she has to go sit alone, but that does not deter her! If I parition an area, she can still look over the gate and scream, so she's still be able to do it. I don't want to have her sitting in her booster seat in time-out all the time...that isn't good for her either, but I have to protect the other kids. I have tried putting her in a playpen and she actually enjoyed that and later asked to go in again

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    I have a dcb just like this exactly actually. Why is it some toddlers go through this and some don't!? I'd like to ask if anyone has been through it and successfully come out on the other side? I just terminated one family because of the stress it wad causing me! Now it's happening with another dcb. Is it me?! Am I causing this to occur? Lol I can't keep terminating families because of these issues. Where can I go to turn for support though!? I hear ya kangaroomama and it sucks!

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    Unfortunately, if you really feel that what you are doing has no effect and things are getting worse not better, I don't know what else there is. I am sure it's just "a phase" as we say, but if you don't think that you can work with it (or that the other kids are suffering unduly) then you may have to say goodbye. I doubt that you are "causing" anything, FS2011, rest assured. It is a fairly common thing for some kids to do.
    Any chance that she is getting over stimulated? I ask because you mention that she liked the playpen, and most kids I know don't! Maybe she is needing a little more quiet-on-her-own type time?
    If you do want to continue; I would give little to no attention to the behaviour. If it warrants a time-out, then calmly but firmly state "NO. We do not (whatever she did)." Then implement the consequence and give your positive attention to the child who is getting screamed at/hit, etc. Give them an extra cuddle/hug, and get them settled again.
    2 is a very common age for regressing, especially if there has been any kind of change on the homefront. When she is behaving as you expect, give her some extra reassurance too.
    That's all I got... lol.

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    I'm glad I'm not the only one! I often wonder if I am doing something wrong as well. I have thought about terminating too, but it makes me sad as she was my first dck. I have had a bit of luck though and the parents are putting her in a daycare centre as of January...I am relieved although a bit sad too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kangaroomama View Post
    I posted about this same child before, but things are just getting worse. I have a little one who will be 2 next month. For the past month she has been bullying the other kids. It started with kicking, hitting, pulling hair. Then that stopped and now for the past 2 weeks she has picked one victim and regularly screams at her, which causes this poor little 18 month old to cry every time. She does it intentionally to make her cry. I have tried time-outs in the kitchen alone, I've tried ignoring completely and just comforting the victim, I've tried tons of positive reinforcement when she is nice to her friends, I've tried talking sternly and explaining why we don't scream at our friends. I even had my teenaged son who she adores, talk to her about it. Nothing works! She is unphased by any time-outs or loss of toys, etc. She understands completely that she shouldn't and that she should be "nice" to her friends. She is very smart and talks quite well. I am at a loss and quite frustrated as it is so unfair to the other child. I do have other behavioural issues with this same child, but this one is the worst. Any suggestions?
    I'm going through it here too. I just use positive reinforcement and watch the kids like a hawk. If you can catch them before it happens they know you will always be looking. I also get the kids to hug to say sorry & as they’re hugging I say good job at being a good friend! It's a deflate phase and some kids go through it longer than others.

    We can psycho analyze it to death and say its because of this or that but at the end of the day some little ones from the most loving homes react this way for God only knows what reason. I think it’s how we react to the situation that will help them in the long run!

    I do know it makes for a very long day for us when we have a child like this! I hope this phase ends so for all of us going through it! Just know your doing a great job and that your not alone!

    XO
    Last edited by Skysue; 10-18-2011 at 05:22 PM.

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