S.L.O.W.L.Y going crazy

[Lou]

I would just jump in and correct the child right in front of mom so she realizes that you don't find it cute and that it's a behaviour you are working on correcting.

[ttremble88]

Oh, I do!!! When it happens while the mother is there, I walk away from the mother and go an correct the situation. Or attempt to. The DCG's understanding is not where I would like it to be.

So last night at pick up, I took some time to explain that DCG's behaviour will need to be worked on because she is constantly upsetting the other children. The mom asked for examples (all of which I have described to her at one point of another). So I told of three that reoccur on a daily basis:

-hugging the kids from behind, more often then no, around the neck. Tipping them backwards

-take the pacis, waiting for tear and then putting it back in the mouths

- taking the blankets and putting it over their heads and then either hitting the top of their head or laying on them

And to each of these things, the mom says "In all of those situations, she is trying to do something nice."

[bright sparks]

Oh, I do!!! When it happens while the mother is there, I walk away from the mother and go an correct the situation. Or attempt to. The DCG's understanding is not where I would like it to be.

So last night at pick up, I took some time to explain that DCG's behaviour will need to be worked on because she is constantly upsetting the other children. The mom asked for examples (all of which I have described to her at one point of another). So I told of three that reoccur on a daily basis:

-hugging the kids from behind, more often then no, around the neck. Tipping them backwards

-take the pacis, waiting for tear and then putting it back in the mouths

- taking the blankets and putting it over their heads and then either hitting the top of their head or laying on them

And to each of these things, the mom says "In all of those situations, she is trying to do something nice."

Oh my goodness some parents are just so delusional. The child is being aggressive and how is taking a child's pacifier a way of being nice. Beyond the mothers response, how did you both leave the conversation? Any plans on how you are going to work together to correct this behaviour? I don't think this child is being a bully at 18 months, simply testing boundaries, displaying challenging behaviour at an age where it is normal to, but unfortunately having it reinforced by a parent who is like their own personal cheerleader resulting in reinforcing this behaviour as acceptable. I think bullying is with intention to harm another, and perhaps it would seem that the child wants to antagonize the other kids, but I think it is actually more of an attention thing versus wanting to actually upset or hurt the other kids. It's not their response but more the caregivers response that they are after....just my perspective anyway. Ultimately I feel that you need to accept the reality that if this mother is not onboard 100%, which she clearly isn't, then you are fighting a loosing battle and as a result, the other children are suffering and your days will become more and more unpleasant. Mom doesn't think there is a problem and there is nothing you can do about that. I'd give her written notice of probation stating that if you do not see a significant improvement within the next 4 weeks then termination of care will follow and outline in the letter the importance of working together and being consistent. Maybe that will give her the kick in the ass to get her act together but it likely won't. At least you gave her every opportunity though.