S.L.O.W.L.Y going crazy

[Fun&care]

Sheesh! How aggravating for you. I think I would want to just bang my head against the wall after every convo with this parent. I totally agree with brightsparks. At this point I don't see how things are going to get better. If you can, I would put them on probation. Don't make the mistake of hanging on to this client in the hopes they will change, only to suffer yourself and have your days become more and more difficult and unpleasant. I've done it, twice, and it was the biggest mistake!

[SillyGirl_C]

I am not a daycare provider, but in this case, even from a parent perspective, I would do as suggested above and put them on probation. The mom is being dismissive and disrespectful of your concerns. I don't think she has grasped the implications if she doesn't get on board with you.
I imagine she is downplaying it because no one wants to hear bad news about their kids...but sticking her head in the sand doesn't fix the problem. Best of luck and let us know how it goes!

[mickyc]

Been there done that! My current handful has issues with being aggressive. He hit mom in the face once and mom laughed! He gets multiple time outs during the day. Mom is getting better with discipline at home but there is still so much that needs to be done. He is exhausting most days. Countdown is on - 2 years 7 months until he goes to kindergarten!

[Lee-Bee]

This is such a tricky one. At 18 months the child is NOT a bully, as no 18month old can be a bully as they just lack the mental capacity to make the decision to purposely and continually inflict pain and discomfort on a child. The child may very well be aggressive, but that is very different than a bully.

At 18 months the behaviors can be very 'normal' the key here is that the child's caregivers (especially mom and dad) are doing the right things. My daughter has done many of the things you've listed, she is not a bully and is not aggressive...she's a toddler. Toddlers lack judgement. The difference is each and every time my daughter does one of these things I am on her and teaching her that no, she cannot do that, and showing her how to attempt to 'fix' what she has done. By doing this though, like many toddlers my daughter will sometimes hit, then stop and kiss it better. It's that lack of fore thought but then realizing they've done wrong.

As a caregiver we have to watch and decide if the child is hitting then realizing their wrong and 'fixing it' or if they are just being smart and 'fixing' it as a means to get a free pass at hitting. If I hit, but quickly hug and kiss then I don't get in trouble - therefore to hit all I have to do is hug right after. That is very different then hitting and realizing they shouldn't have hit and trying to fix it.

Kids, even at 18months are very smart and know how to get away with things. Caregivers (and not just us, but parents) need to be aware of this and NEED to be shadowing their child's every move to ensure they learn appropriate behavior. It always baffles me that parents don't realize this and wait until the kid is 7,8,9+ and is having serious behavior issues at school (home and everywhere) before they start to try and "teach" their kid how to behave.

Anyways, my point is, that if the parents are not realizing that 'gentle giant' or just plain aggressive they need to respond in the same manner...which is to not accept the behavior and to teach, train and expect the child to learn boundaries. If they aren't doing this then it is so much harder on the caregivers.

Just remember that the issue usually lies in the parents...so try not to be frustrated with the child. The child, unfortunately, is getting very different expectations at home. Luckily most kids soon learn that despite getting away with this stuff at home daycare has different expectations and they start to behave as we expect under our watch.

This reminds be of a toddler I know from my daughters music class. She is about 20moinths old and the parents (both mom and dad) find it ADORABLE that their child walks up and death hugs ALL the other children, multiple times. At a glance all people see is a cute kid giving out hugs. But I am sitting there thinking teach your kid boundaries. The majority of the other kids are clearly not impressed with being forced to hug some random child. They can teach their child to ask if someone wants a hug instead of encouraging it and sitting there like they have the greatest child in the world. Gahhhhh.

[33 Daiseys]

For me in my experiences in dealing with this , child is to sit in a pack in play away from children when not sitting right there.
Hugs are al-right, any other contact ie hitting, grabbing, pushing results in immediate removal of the situation.
In both cases it resulted in my terming them. In no way in hell am i going to be having other children hurt, due to parents bs parenting.
at pick up, if she does it again, put child in time out, right in front of mom.
When mom looks shocked let her know that this behaviours are under no circumstances allowed at your home, and that from this point forward, this is the way it will be.
I'm sure her realizing that her ineptitude to parent will result in her child being reprimanded, and loosing out will let her know how serious it is.
If not cut her loose.