Limitations of the job

[torontokids]

I am finding this job very difficult at times now that my older daughter has started school. I can't book time off to go into her classroom to observe, join a fun activity or help out, I have her in the B&A program because it is just too difficult to do the pick up and drop off with all the kids and I felt trapped at home just now when I got a call from the school about an issue. The mother bear in me wants to run over to the school and find out more about what's going on but I can't. When I worked out of the home I definitely had more flexibility to take a day off, leave early one day or go in later. I feel so trapped some times.

The issue at school
I got a call from the school to say that my daughter initiated a "choking game" outside at lunch and had herself and 3 friends pin down some boy and choke him. My daughter is 4, I find the whole thing unlikely. Believe me, I don't have rose coloured glasses on about my kid and she is definitely a leader (can be bossy) but she doesn't even know what choking is and definitely wouldn't have called it a choking game. They of course wouldn't tell me the names of the other kids so I am left wondering what's going on. I will talk to my daughter tonight and find out what happened then call the principal in the morning...so stressful.

[Rachael]

I struggled with this when mine were in Elementary. Until opening my day care I worked and volunteered at the schools so I was always there if something happened before lunch and after lunch, I was just literally down the hill in my house and could easily return.

The first time one of my sons forgot his lunch, and I had to pack up 6 toddlers in a wagon to walk up a steep hill was an eye opener in who tied I was and how far away despite the close proximity. Thank goodness my were of an age where I didn't have to worry about meeting them from school and they were old enough to walk there and back home without an adult.

If it's any comfort, mine are 18 and 15 now and it does get better. You just have to get through the hockey years, the baseball years, the football years, the dating years, and eventually, they leave home, allegedly.

[Fun&care]

I've always felt the same in that I wish I could be more involved in my sons school activities. Maybe it's just me and a coincidence but every single client I have had has a pretty cushy job. They are always taking days off here and there "just because" on top of booking time off when I am off plus sick days. I realize not every parent has a job like this but a lot do.

My son had issues at school too his first year and it can be difficult especially for us providers because we are so used to being right there with our kids day in day out and being able to deal with situations directly.

As for the choking incident, all you can really do is discipline your daughter and make sure she understands how dangerous this behavior is and have a firm consequence in place and let her know about it and how it will be implemented should she do it again.

[Rachael]

Maybe it's just me and a coincidence but every single client I have had has a pretty cushy job. They are always taking days off here and there "just because" on top of booking time off when I am off plus sick days. I realize not every parent has a job like this but a lot do.

I think that's likely just a case of the grass being greener. It's easy to think someone's job is cushy based on zero understanding of what they actually do - and just presuming we know what their job involves. Likely lots of people out there view day care providers as having a cushy job - working from home, sets own hours, doesn't have to get own kids up and out super early, etc.

[bright sparks]

My son is 2E and I have to meet multiple times a year to address things mainly because teachers are not sticking to his IEP. It is frustrating to say the least and I feel guilty for taking time off and leaving my families stuck but then I also feel guilty about how I have to put my son 2nd behind other children. I feel your pain, I truly do but for myself it's likely a blessing that I can't sweep in and try to fix it. That would probably be a disservice to my son at his age (12) who unfortunately needs to experience these things without me in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will serve him well in life when mum isn't around to save him. That being said, when I close my doors in July, things won't be a whole lot easier as I will be over 100km away should I need to go to school for anything. Fortunately I have some good back up should my kids be ill and need collecting promptly, but even if there was an incident at school, it's for them to deal with during school hours and then communicate with me to follow up on at home. It may be a blessing in disguise Torontokids although I understand as your daughter is a lot younger she would typically be a lot more dependent on you. Going to school is your instinct but likely not necessary and there probably wouldn't be anyone available to talk with you and give you the full story. Best to schedule a telephone appointment to follow up with the adult who intervened and witnessed the events of recess.

I dropped to 4 days a week for the purpose of not having to take time off as frequently and leaving 1 day a week to try and always schedule these meetings on. This both prevents letting my families down in addition to having that window of opportunity available to give to my children and in school parent opportunities. The only time it doesn't work is if I have a specialist appointment which generally only occurs twice a year and they don't have clinic hours on Fridays.

[torontokids]

I spoke to my daughter last night and the whole situation was totally blowed out of proportion by the VP. My daughter is 4 and doesn't even know what choking is (except in reference to "don't put so much food in your mouth or you'll choke." The VP said my daughter "instigated a choking game" and how she is very concerned about my daughter and her behaviour. The choking confused me to begin with as she doesn't know what that is and the suggestion that this was malicious was the other confusing aspect. Basically what happened was they were playing a game where she and 3 other girls chased this boy to "take his powers" away. My daughter grabbed his neck, he fell and they pushed on his neck. There was no intent to hurt him.

She made my daughter out to be very concerning and was questioning where she would have learned about a "choking game" from. So annoyed.

[torontokids]

[QUOTE=bright sparks;72129]My son is 2E and I have to meet multiple times a year to address things mainly because teachers are not sticking to his IEP. It is frustrating to say the least and I feel guilty for taking time off and leaving my families stuck but then I also feel guilty about how I have to put my son 2nd behind other children. I feel your pain, I truly do but for myself it's likely a blessing that I can't sweep in and try to fix it. That would probably be a disservice to my son at his age (12) who unfortunately needs to experience these things without me in order to develop the necessary coping skills that will serve him well in life when mum isn't around to save him. That being said, when I close my doors in July, things won't be a whole lot easier as I will be over 100km away should I need to go to school for anything. Fortunately I have some good back up should my kids be ill and need collecting promptly, but even if there was an incident at school, it's for them to deal with during school hours and then communicate with me to follow up on at home. It may be a blessing in disguise Torontokids although I understand as your daughter is a lot younger she would typically be a lot more dependent on you. Going to school is your instinct but likely not necessary and there probably wouldn't be anyone available to talk with you and give you the full story. Best to schedule a telephone appointment to follow up with the adult who intervened and witnessed the events of recess. "



I totally agree with you that this prevents me from running in and saving her and this is probably a good thing, especially if I am pissed off. I think what was most frustrating was not having the option to go. Plus this situation was presented to me as something very serious and that they were very concerned about her. They weren't describing my daughter at all. I just felt sick and wanted to see her.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I felt very limited with this career of choice. I feel like I am always bound to the house. I hate winter sometimes because it's too damn cold for my liking. I don't use my van for daycare (Only in the summer when i only have older kids- they use boosters or are car seat free. Toddlers are teacher's children so they are off all summer) so I can't pack up all the kids in my van to get my kids from school, so i have to bundle the toddlers all up (takes 15 minutes 2x a day) to walk 200 feet to the bus stop. I thrive in warmer weather lol

I feel like my kids always take a back seat to the daycare kids and i hate it. Now that they are in school, it kind of defeats the purpose of me staying home to be with them eh? I feel like I don't have as much time for them as i have daycare kids here til 5-5:30 and they are all under 5. Then it's dinner, homework, bath and bed. I am tired at the end of the day. My husband is a truck driver and works wonky hours. He is often in bed before the kids so i do a lot alone. When he is off he helps though. I can't drop everything to go to the school if my kids need me. Can't go to concerts/meetings/events etc. Can't volunteer as i always wanted to.

Thats why now i only work 4 days a week. Only one dc family needed me on Fridays and they were flexible with their days so i changed their days. Now i have Fridays off to do whatever i want and i love it. I grocery shop, and sometimes go to the gym. I can go to the kid's school if they need me. After 3 yrs of daycare and virtually no time off, i changed a lot of things and now it works better for everyone.

[AcornsFalling]

I have the same feelings as the other moms on this thread.
I was a teacher before my children were born and since my daughter started K in the fall I have been trying to get hired as a teacher on call in my district. Thankfully it looks like I will be closing my daycare and starting to teach in March.
I have felt guilty that while I am home with my own kids, our time together is not what I would consider quality time, as I'm so busy making sure everyone's needs are met. We can't do the kind of activities I would love to to as they aren't age appropriate for the rest of the group.
I will have to put my son in full time daycare, but I think he will have lots of fun and I have found a great care provider. Our mornings will be much earlier to get my children off to care but it's time for DH to step up and help with the mornings now!
Not to mention the income earning potential is much greater.
Running my own daycare was a blessing so I could stay home with my son and daughter when they were babies and toddlers but now I feel that we are ready to move on to a new phase in life.
I hope you can figure out a way to make things work for your family

[bright sparks]

I spoke to my daughter last night and the whole situation was totally blowed out of proportion by the VP. My daughter is 4 and doesn't even know what choking is (except in reference to "don't put so much food in your mouth or you'll choke." The VP said my daughter "instigated a choking game" and how she is very concerned about my daughter and her behaviour. The choking confused me to begin with as she doesn't know what that is and the suggestion that this was malicious was the other confusing aspect. Basically what happened was they were playing a game where she and 3 other girls chased this boy to "take his powers" away. My daughter grabbed his neck, he fell and they pushed on his neck. There was no intent to hurt him.

She made my daughter out to be very concerning and was questioning where she would have learned about a "choking game" from. So annoyed.

That would have me very annoyed. How about documenting fact, not assumptions or ones impression. What a shocking accusation to make against your daughter when the explanation you followed up with makes so much more sense. Okay rough play isn't okay because things like this can occur, but this is innocent and normal child behaviour that just unfortunately ended up with them falling in such a way on the boy. I honestly can't believe this even warranted a call home unless the child was actually hurt and it was just to inform you of what actually happened as a way of following up and following protocol, versus calling to make something out of nothing, put words into your child's mouth and imply that your 4 year old is wild and out of control, which is how I would have received the VP's comments had she said those things to me about my child. I'd be following up with the Principal if I were you on how the whole thing was handled, but unfortunately I do find that whenever I have a concern with a teacher's actions, the principal tends to always have the teachers back making excuses and passing the blame.