Quote Originally Posted by momplus6 View Post
So if I have the kids on my week I need to clarify with the other parent before I say go on a date and leave the kids with a babysitter. Or go to my Mom's for the weekend etc... Of course anything major like schooling/doctor/dental would be shared, but even getting my buddy joe to pick the kids up really don't think I need to clear that with the x either.

I could be wrong I've never heard of shared custody arrangements of 50/50 where the kid is with parent A having the parents calling to let them know the plan of said day, the fact is its that parents week and they are the parent so in fact they should be able to dictate who picks their child up.
This family don't sound like they agree to what you outlined above plus different arrangements will work for different people. Also, if mum has a babysitter watch the child then yes that is her choice but the minute dad says he isn't happy with the person caring for said child, then she should really respect that as he has the right to decide who his child is around too. This is where it is a joint responsibility and while there is some wiggle room for independent choices per parent, should the other disagree then it should be taken into account. Also remember they are amidst a divorce so likely nothing has been agreed too. I know as a parent that I would not be happy having my child left alone with another caregiver that I did not know. This sounds more like them being asshats with each other but we can not begin to know exactly what's going on behind the scenes.