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  1. #11
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    807 Times in 564 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by momplus6 View Post
    So if I have the kids on my week I need to clarify with the other parent before I say go on a date and leave the kids with a babysitter. Or go to my Mom's for the weekend etc... Of course anything major like schooling/doctor/dental would be shared, but even getting my buddy joe to pick the kids up really don't think I need to clear that with the x either.

    I could be wrong I've never heard of shared custody arrangements of 50/50 where the kid is with parent A having the parents calling to let them know the plan of said day, the fact is its that parents week and they are the parent so in fact they should be able to dictate who picks their child up.
    This family don't sound like they agree to what you outlined above plus different arrangements will work for different people. Also, if mum has a babysitter watch the child then yes that is her choice but the minute dad says he isn't happy with the person caring for said child, then she should really respect that as he has the right to decide who his child is around too. This is where it is a joint responsibility and while there is some wiggle room for independent choices per parent, should the other disagree then it should be taken into account. Also remember they are amidst a divorce so likely nothing has been agreed too. I know as a parent that I would not be happy having my child left alone with another caregiver that I did not know. This sounds more like them being asshats with each other but we can not begin to know exactly what's going on behind the scenes.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    180 Times in 135 Posts
    50/50 custody means that the mother cannot contract with a carer that the father objects to. He has just as much say as she doesn.

    No, this doesn't mean for date night he has a say in that it's not unreasonable that either of them has a date and would therefore needs a casual sitter but day care on a daily basis is very different.

    No, it doesn't mean that permission is needed to visit grandma, unless grandma lives out of thvin province. It's really common that children whose parents have split are not to be removed from their home province by either parents without written permission from the other, which cannot be unreasonably withheld.

    So to clarify for momplus6, the issue is that with a shared custody agreement both parents have equal say in the day to day lives of their children. This includes schooling, daycare, medical, dental, location of residence to an extent etc.

    It seems in this particular situation, the Mom has contracted for care and the father has stated his objections. She can't do this. She absolutely can't contact for care when the child is with their Dad but she also can't contract for care when the children are with her if the Dad is objecting to that care arrangement. His rights cannot be over-ridden by her.

    This is such tricky ground for carer's.

    If any provider cares for a child whose parents aren't together and where shared custody is in place, then to protect herself, she needs BOTH parents to be on the contract. BOTH parents to sign the contract. BOTH parent to agree to who will pick up and drop off. If this isn't clear, documented and agreed, then there is a risk that the carer will hand off the child to someone they shouldn't, and that leaves the carer open to all sorts of fall outs.

    Consider a couple who were together. Mom comes and contracts for a day care place. Then Dad shows up and say that no way in heck will he allow his child to go there. His views wouldn't normally be dismissed. The contract would be cancelled or notice given and the kids never attend and they parent just pays for the notice period or whatever. But his rights to object to a carer would be given fair weight.

    Just because parents split up, and just because Mom might be less considerate of Dad's views, that does not mean his parental rights are less. He has the same right to object and his rights can't be ignored.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    5 Times in 3 Posts
    Wow! I am new to this site and this was my first post. Thank you all for your feedback and advice. I feel so much better now seeing there is so much support and I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this type of situation.

    I am also rather new as a childcare provider and reading your post has helped me see where I could have done better on my part getting these types of things in writing from the beginning. This forum is great and I am excited to see what I can learn from all of you.

    From what I have read about 50/50 custody is that the parents are not allowed to interfere with the other parents time with the other parent but in this situation I don't think the mother is trying to interfere with his time but trying to assist with the responsibility of picking up rather than having the girlfriend of six months have that responsibility. I think her concern is the father will not be home in the evening so during his week the kids will be with his girlfriend 90% of the time. Again, much of this is he said/she said and way more than I should know. I'm glad I asked for the agreement and not to discuss this with me as I have not heard anything since but It's only been three days.

    I'm not sure how this will all play out in the end but the last bit I heard was that dad was going to try and switch to a new day home since he feels I'm against him but I think he feels this because he wasn't able to bully me into doing what he wants. I personally think this is sad and rather selfish as his girls love coming here and love being with the other kids and myself. In the end I hope they can come to some kind of compromise as I feel it would be best to keep the girls here since so much has changed in their lives in such a short time. It' hard not to care so much as I have known both girls since they were babies...I guess we will see and I will keep you all posted on how it turns out.

    Thanks again for all the advice and support!

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  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    5 Times in 3 Posts
    I should also mention as I read in a previous post. Both parents mutually agreed to use me as the day home. When they started I was provided with contact info for mom, dad and grandma as the emergency. From my understanding the is the same info the previous day home had and the same as both schools. The only difference with the schools is that I am on the contact list. It was only two or three months after I started watching the kids that this has come up.

  6. #15
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    629 Times in 475 Posts
    When it is mom's week then mom decides who picks up and vice versa with dad. i would ask for a copy of their agreement so you know exactly what is court ordered. Do not exchange info about one parent to the other- ie dads girlfriend picked up everyday last week. It is none of each other's business what takes place when it is not their week. Be firm with both parents. You are not here to listen to them bad mouthing each other or to be part of their drama. If they cannot get you their schedule and consistently expect you to squeal on the other parent or put you in the middle then give notice. Each parent should have a copy of your contract and should each sign it. You need a clause stating that you will give notice to both parents should either one of them not follow it.

    Fyi- dad has every right to allow girlfriend to pick up kids. Mom needs to butt out.

    As a provider you need to deal with the parent that has custody on that particular week. They need to quit worrying about what the other parent is doing on their time. They are no longer together and need to realize they cannot control each other. It will be a bit of a hassle but it is an easy thing to deal with when you set some solid ground rules.

    If there is a real emergency where medical attention is sought then both parents need to be contacted. If it's dad's week lets say and child falls and needs to go to doc to get checked out then phone dad for pickup. Advise you will be calling mom to let her know and then phone mom saying child hurt and sent with dad to go to doc. They can go from there.
    Last edited by mickyc; 01-26-2015 at 03:46 PM.

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  8. #16
    Sad story, my ex-wife and I quickly distributed responsibilities and property. I was ready for the tedious filling out of divorce papers, but fortunately, my best friend advised an online divorce, which expedited the whole process. And now I am a happy and free man!

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