Argh Husbands!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I think you were right to be annoyed BUT men don't have a crystal ball!!

Just because you know if it was the other way round, you would be jumping in to help, that doesn't mean he's entirely to blame for not acting how you wanted him to act but you hadn't told him what you expected. LOL

I think women are the biggest own enemy. We met a great guy, we want to look like we have our stuff together, so we work our jobs and run our homes super smooth to show how great we are. Then we get married. We keep working full time outside the house and doing the house stuff because we always have and sometime we get grumpy because we want him to see we don't' stop but we huff and puff and don't actually use our words and speak in simple sentence.

At that place we should tell him that : Hey - we both work FT and we both work hard. Can we renegotiate the division of labour for tasks at home cause I'm drowning in all I'm trying to do and I'm getting a bit resentful when if feels like you are sitting resting up after work yet I'm still running around."

But we never say it. Sometimes when he says what is wrong, we say nothing and he believes us. Who is fault is that? His for believe or us for not saying?

Then we have babies and stay home so we feel we do the house stuff and he work outside the house and is a bit fairer until we go back to work again. And so it goes and so it goes.

Stop pretending like it is all good. But both of you to blame not just him for not magic reading your mind or not seeing situation like a women does.

Tell him that you need help. Not just sometimes but on-going cause you both work a lot, and you both parents of the children and everyone makes mess not just one person so why is one person doing it.

Tell him you need to renegotiate so both have some home jobs not just one person and then give specific jobs each. And leave him to do so. So what if he buys different grocery brand then you. Give him the job but you have to not be control over his task and accept that he does his task his way not your way.

But he cannot be blamed for not doing something he didn't know you needed him to do.

That unfair. And don't be resentful if he doesn't think like you - he is different person. His brain is not mapped to your brain.

But don't look at other people list like above. This is not a competition of how much my husband does comparing to how much your husband does or her husband does. That is foolish.
Someone else agreement with partner is someone else's agreement and not business of any other. Figure out what suits you two not what others say suited them.

[AmandaKDT]

I think you were right to be annoyed BUT men don't have a crystal ball!!

Just because you know if it was the other way round, you would be jumping in to help, that doesn't mean he's entirely to blame for not acting how you wanted him to act but you hadn't told him what you expected. LOL

I think women are the biggest own enemy. We met a great guy, we want to look like we have our stuff together, so we work our jobs and run our homes super smooth to show how great we are. Then we get married. We keep working full time outside the house and doing the house stuff because we always have and sometime we get grumpy because we want him to see we don't' stop but we huff and puff and don't actually use our words and speak in simple sentence.

At that place we should tell him that : Hey - we both work FT and we both work hard. Can we renegotiate the division of labour for tasks at home cause I'm drowning in all I'm trying to do and I'm getting a bit resentful when if feels like you are sitting resting up after work yet I'm still running around."

But we never say it. Sometimes when he says what is wrong, we say nothing and he believes us. Who is fault is that? His for believe or us for not saying?

Then we have babies and stay home so we feel we do the house stuff and he work outside the house and is a bit fairer until we go back to work again. And so it goes and so it goes.

Stop pretending like it is all good. But both of you to blame not just him for not magic reading your mind or not seeing situation like a women does.

Tell him that you need help. Not just sometimes but on-going cause you both work a lot, and you both parents of the children and everyone makes mess not just one person so why is one person doing it.

Tell him you need to renegotiate so both have some home jobs not just one person and then give specific jobs each. And leave him to do so. So what if he buys different grocery brand then you. Give him the job but you have to not be control over his task and accept that he does his task his way not your way.

But he cannot be blamed for not doing something he didn't know you needed him to do.

That unfair. And don't be resentful if he doesn't think like you - he is different person. His brain is not mapped to your brain.

But don't look at other people list like above. This is not a competition of how much my husband does comparing to how much your husband does or her husband does. That is foolish.
Someone else agreement with partner is someone else's agreement and not business of any other. Figure out what suits you two not what others say suited them.

I never put a list of what my husband does in order to be in competition with anybody, nor did the other ladies I am sure. I was just trying to show that other working mothers out there have husbands that help more, so it is okay for her to ask for more. She posted a list of what her husband does, and what she does. Nobody here is being foolish, just trying to encourage and support.

[33 Daiseys]

I agree. I am starting to think that a few others do not fully understand what this site is for. Some times we just need a place to vent to others who understand where we are coming from, so that when husband comes home, we can confront him with a clear head, and not go into situation with a hot head so to speak.

[JennJubie]

No one was trying to make it into a competition, we were just trying to give some insight.

As for not blaming him for "something he didn't know he was supposed to do".... he IS an adult, yes? Can he not at least ask what needs to be done? Unless our husbands believe that the housework is done by magical house elves, than they do understand that there is work to be done.

I'm not saying to make him guess what needs to be done, I'm just saying that I understand why the OP is so frustrated. It's a matter of respect. When our husbands do squat and we're working our butts off, and they know we are, it's just disrespectful.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

No one was trying to make it into a competition, we were just trying to give some insight.

As for not blaming him for "something he didn't know he was supposed to do".... he IS an adult, yes? Can he not at least ask what needs to be done? Unless our husbands believe that the housework is done by magical house elves, than they do understand that there is work to be done.

I'm not saying to make him guess what needs to be done, I'm just saying that I understand why the OP is so frustrated. It's a matter of respect. When our husbands do squat and we're working our butts off, and they know we are, it's just disrespectful.

That goes two way. If you are going to expect him be adult and ask why is it not unreasonable that you are adult too and so speak?

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? LOL

It's only disrespectful of him if he really sees you being unhappy and ignores it but if you are always whining about how he does things when he helping, if you are always telling him you are fine when you are not, if you aren't opening your mouth and taking some responsibility for not resolving the situation, you are being disrespectful to whine behind his back when you don't have the sense to speak to his face.

You would rather spend 5 minutes arguing about being right with me, than speaking to the man you are meant to love and explaining that you aren't happy about something in your house? That makes no sense because winning or losing a word battle with me changes nothing in your homes. LOL

Why not go fix things rather than complain to strangers about disrespect?

Do you not think it's disrespectful to complain to strangers yet not give same data to husband? That is crazy.

[JennJubie]

That goes two way. If you are going to expect him be adult and ask why is it not unreasonable that you are adult too and so speak?

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? LOL

It's only disrespectful of him if he really sees you being unhappy and ignores it but if you are always whining about how he does things when he helping, if you are always telling him you are fine when you are not, if you aren't opening your mouth and taking some responsibility for not resolving the situation, you are being disrespectful to whine behind his back when you don't have the sense to speak to his face.

You would rather spend 5 minutes arguing about being right with me, than speaking to the man you are meant to love and explaining that you aren't happy about something in your house? That makes no sense because winning or losing a word battle with me changes nothing in your homes. LOL

Why not go fix things rather than complain to strangers about disrespect?

Do you not think it's disrespectful to complain to strangers yet not give same data to husband? That is crazy.

Actually, things in my house run just fine, thank you. I do talk to the man I love rather than "whining behind his back" I was referring to the OPs issue. I included in my first post about all the wonderful things my husband does for me, and then you accused that we were making it a competition.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Actually, things in my house run just fine, thank you. I do talk to the man I love rather than "whining behind his back" I was referring to the OPs issue. I included in my first post about all the wonderful things my husband does for me, and then you accused that we were making it a competition.

Just because I don't agree with your methods that does not mean you bashing mine will change my mind. You can call me out with your justifications for your every statement if you want to do that but I don't have to change my view to suit yours.

I see this lots on some persons posts, two or three members in particular. Someone makes a question asking for opinion and if you or one more doesn't like it, you get defensive about your house/your daycare/your husband like this is only way to do it right. Why is no one allowed to have opinion not same as yours and you pick apart but when someone does same to you, you get defensive.

We teach people how to treat us and I think your and the other person who does this a lot, don't like being treated the way you treat others, Maybe you should think about reap what you sow and then you won't seem so unhappy about everything with like victim tones.

[JennJubie]

Wow. You don't know me. You don't know me at all. I'm out. Congratulations... you win. I hope it makes your day.

[mimi]

Suzie Homemaker suggests the other posters should tell their husbands what they need/want done.

The issue is why must we suggest the obvious? That is what gets some of us angry. Can hubby not see the garbage needs changing, the floor needs vacuuming or perhaps have grilled cheese and soup for dinner waiting for when we and the kiddies get home from an activity?

We spend all day telling others what to do, how to do it and then clean up after them. It is our job and for the most part we enjoy it. However, at some point significant other needs to understand that the obvious chores need doing and the routine of caring for the kids needs to be accomplished in a timely fashion and we don't want to dictate the obvious every day. Think for yourselves gentlemen.

I remember coming home around 5:30 on a Saturday from running errands all day to find hubby and child looking at me as I placed multiple packages on the floor and then asked what I was going to make for dinner. Let's just say I'm surprised the roof didn't come off when I addressed their question LOL

After having a few rants over the years, my hubby has become very helpful and I in return try to help him with the outdoor chores he does to show him we are best when we work together.

Suzie H is fortunate she has a husband who asks what can I do to help you, but she fails to see that she still has to tell him what to do and Suzie H try not to preach. Practical informative advice would be just fine

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Suzie Homemaker suggests the other posters should tell their husbands what they need/want done.

The issue is why must we suggest the obvious? That is what gets some of us angry. Can hubby not see the garbage needs changing, the floor needs vacuuming or perhaps have grilled cheese and soup for dinner waiting for when we and the kiddies get home from an activity?

We spend all day telling others what to do, how to do it and then clean up after them. It is our job and for the most part we enjoy it. However, at some point significant other needs to understand that the obvious chores need doing and the routine of caring for the kids needs to be accomplished in a timely fashion and we don't want to dictate the obvious every day. Think for yourselves gentlemen.

I remember coming home around 5:30 on a Saturday from running errands all day to find hubby and child looking at me as I placed multiple packages on the floor and then asked what I was going to make for dinner. Let's just say I'm surprised the roof didn't come off when I addressed their question LOL

After having a few rants over the years, my hubby has become very helpful and I in return try to help him with the outdoor chores he does to show him we are best when we work together.

Suzie H is fortunate she has a husband who asks what can I do to help you, but she fails to see that she still has to tell him what to do and Suzie H try not to preach. Practical informative advice would be just fine

I not preach just explain how we address. Sorry, English not my first language.

I really see that men don't always see obvious thing women do - that real gender difference. I don't have to tell mine what to do but we married long time now. He does still ask if there is something extra he can do each day in case there is, like grab dry clean on way home or milk.

I think you think I give list but I only do that for 6 year old child not grown man who have openly talked to for many years.

Issue is when don't openly talk and then expect them to be you, read your mind, see what you see. That is a lot to expect from person if you behave like mute. That is passing all responsibility on one person to put themselves in your boots but you refusing to put yourself in their boots and simply speak.

I think some people here too busy trying to be right rather than happy.


They like to say he should see, he should know, he should understand vs putting in his position where he might think why didn't she tell me before she got upset, why didn't she speak out sooner, why did she bottle up until explode and I didn't see coming, why would she test me to see if I am thinking/seeing things like she does.

When you test people on how well they know you, how they should be able to guess your expectations, how they should see your home and what needs doing, that person will always fail because you are keeping the rules and the test secret. So many games. No wonder some frustrate.