Argh Husbands!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I don't think anyone was turning it into a competition.

However, I do think that some women just think "oh, he's a man so I just have to put up with doing it all because I'm the wife/mother". I think it's important for women to know this isn't true...there are guys out there that do their fair share or more!

[torontokids]

Thought I should reply as OP.

I appreciate all your answers, really! First- I didn't find people mentioning what their husband does creating a competition but found it helpful to know that I wasn't out to lunch that I should expect more from my husband.

I am a pretty direct person but the issue with division of labour is something I struggle with addressing with him. I think because I feel like we have done this before but also because I don't want to be "a nag." Helpful to know that this is a continual issue to bring up and revisit.

I addressed things with my husband and things are good. He is going to help out more and so far has been. We had guests coming over on Sunday and he asked me if he could help with anything. We went out that night for a belated V-Day and I used that as an example of how I want things to be and he said he will start doing this. Now that we've spoken about it I am going to be more demanding of what I want. For example if it is a night that I have to go grocery shopping I will let him know he needs to do the bath and bedtime. This is something we normally do but it doesn't really happen unless I ask...I am hoping for more initiation but I am not holding my breath on that one. I am also giving myself permission not to feel guilty when I ask for him to do these things.

My girls have a rest/nap time every weekend afternoon. Today I read/napped during their nap time and cleaned the daycare when they woke up and my husband watched them. Normally I would have cleaned during their nap and played with them when they woke up. Also, we were going to a family day event and my husband wasn't ready to go (he was trying to buy AC/DC tickets and couldn't get through online). I took the girls on my own and gave him a list of things to do while we were gone...he did it all.

My MIL has said she will watch our girls if we want to do a monthly date night so I have already booked the next one with her. This is another thing that would never happen unless I set it up. Things are moving in the right direction, thanks!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Good to hear!!

[JennJubie]

Glad you worked things out!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

We have older kids so our situation is a bit different, but I know I always find it helpful to get as much input as possible when having a problem, so thought \I'd share anyway

We have always negotiated chores and revisited who does what on a fairly regular basis, as things are constantly changing in a family (outside jobs, children growing older, new babies arriving, new homes, etc). Not everyone is naturally observant and will step in to do what's needed, so clear expectations are hugely helpful!

One thing we implemented very early on and still do over 20 years later, is that my husband 'checks in' with me when he gets home from work or when I need to go out, am sick, or any other time I might need extra help. He always says, "What can I do?" It's an acknowledgement that he's not sure what I've already done and what still needs to be done, plus gives me a chance to prioritize what will help me the most.

This is what we do too. We decide early on that no resentment is allowed, have to speak up loud and clear if not happy and each focus on how we can make other persons life easier today and every day.

We say "What can I do for you today?" - so very much alike you. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary.